Male boss told me I can't have children and a career

[AnonLady7]

Hello! Name changed for this - I had my first baby (DS1) this year and when I told my boss I was pregnant he said I wouldn't be able to have children and do my career, and I "wouldn't want to ever come back to work". Then when I went on mat leave he made my role redundant. I've had legal advice/challenged it and been awarded compensation for maternity discrimination...

However, aside from the legality of it all, the whole thing has really knocked my confidence. I was very career driven (and good at it) before having my DS1, now I'm jobless and when I'm going for interviews for new roles I keep thinking about the things my boss said. How I'll never manage it.

Are there ladies out here who have successfully managed families and career? I'm looking for a bit of inspiration really after having such a knock. DP is planning to take some paternity leave once I get a new job and I very much want to go back to work soon. I love my baby, but also love my career. Would appreciate any stories/handhold/advice! Xxx

The majority of women have both children and careers.

No, I think the majority of women have jobs and kids. Not careers.

Of course it's women providing childcare.
We wouldn't trust men to look after children so it has to be.

Well yes but that wasn't the point of my post.

Hmm, OP posted and ran. 0/10

You can have a career and children as long as you have a DP who pulls his weight, and does an equal share of parenting and household chores. It's very difficult otherwise.

I work at Director level; left my DP when it became clear that he expected me to do everything childcare and domestic, despite me earning more than twice his salary.

I still work full-time, have 2 DC under 7, one with additional needs, however I now have a Nanny Housekeeper, who I am eternally grateful for, makes my life easier, and contributes much more to my household than my DP ever did.

This is entirely do-able but not without significant sacrifice and compromise.
We did this not entirely out of choice but because it made financial sense, I went back to work at 6 months, having been promoted whilst pregnant. I then moved company when child was two for probably 25% more pay.
my partner was a SAHD, without which I would not be able to do the travelling and focus on my role. He does all school runs, looks after child during holidays/sick and shopping/cooking. Cleaning/ironing is outsourced to a housekeeper.
Even with all that we have made sacrifices:

• only one child
• i am old and constantly knackered with no social life outside work
• my health/fitness has declined and have really had to focus on that over last 6 months as now peri meno
• never feel I spend quality time with child, partner has all the fun I feel like the mug that just pays for everything!
• teachers look if surprise when I do actually turn up at school gate! BAD MoTHER!!

so all possible but only because I earn a shedload and moving forward I am looking towards how to financially plan and maximise investments so I don’t have to do this for next 20 years!!

Just wanted to come back on and say thank you so much for all your comments and kind words. You have made me feel a lot better, and I think as PPs have said I should use my boss's words to prove him wrong.

I've also loved hearing from those of you who've achieved so much after getting out of similar situations with horrible bosses. Thank you for sharing ❤️

I've always been quite confident at work but I'll admit this whole situation did knock me! Onwards and upwards...

Every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought about the dickhead boss, consciously squash it with a positive thought. Remember your case was successful. That must have smarted the bell ends ego. Good.