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Feminism: chat

If you’re a ‘Ms’ and have a daughter…

75 replies

GodspeedJune · 24/11/2022 20:54

Did you register her as a Ms or Miss?

I’m a Ms and have a new baby DD. On principle I’d like to register her as a Ms, to avoid the patriarchal trappings of Miss/ Mrs. But is that weird for a child? I noticed that if she had been born a boy, there would only be one option for ‘Mr’.

OP posts:
Dollydea · 24/11/2022 22:39

I HATE all these titles for women! Mrs, ms, or miss... completely ridiculous!

When I got married I actually thought becoming a Mrs instead of a Miss was a step up in the world, I'm only 32 so not like it was last century or anything.

Men keep Mr as a title, married, divorced or widowed.. so why shouldn't women do the same?

Entwifery · 24/11/2022 22:45

Can't you just leave it blank? Honestly I'm not even sure what the purpose of using these titles is, does it really matter in this day and age? Who cares...

staherts · 24/11/2022 22:49

I ticked Ms on the form but she ended up Miss anyway at the GPs

contrary13 · 24/11/2022 22:57

My son came up as 'Master' on our GP's appointment alert board until he turned 16, when he became 'Mr'.

The way I look at it is this: I'm not married, but I've had children, so technically (in a historical sense) am not a virgin, therefore I am a 'Ms' rather than a 'Miss' or a 'Mrs'. I'm... somewhere in between? My daughter isn't married, but also doesn't have children (she's 26), so she's still a 'Miss', which she's very happy with. Neither were registered with titles at birth, just in those tick boxes on bank account/hospital registration forms.

My 18 year old is a 'Lord' on his bank account. I don't know why. He says he thought it'd be funny when he was filling the form in...

Onnabugeisha · 24/11/2022 23:15

contrary13 · 24/11/2022 22:57

My son came up as 'Master' on our GP's appointment alert board until he turned 16, when he became 'Mr'.

The way I look at it is this: I'm not married, but I've had children, so technically (in a historical sense) am not a virgin, therefore I am a 'Ms' rather than a 'Miss' or a 'Mrs'. I'm... somewhere in between? My daughter isn't married, but also doesn't have children (she's 26), so she's still a 'Miss', which she's very happy with. Neither were registered with titles at birth, just in those tick boxes on bank account/hospital registration forms.

My 18 year old is a 'Lord' on his bank account. I don't know why. He says he thought it'd be funny when he was filling the form in...

Historically you and your DD are both Mrs and only school room girls are Miss. (18th c. and earlier)

But the fashion for Frenchness in the 19th c. saw Mrs get taken away from all high status women and limited to only married women. With rare exceptions, ie a housekeeper would have the courtesy title of Mrs.

1901 saw Ms. and Ms. literally means the same as Mrs did before the Victorian French worshipping nonsense.

I’ve reclaimed Mrs. I’m a Mrs with my own surname as I did not take my DHs surname.

WittyWhatNow · 25/11/2022 08:45

We use Ms for everything for all the females in the household, regardless of age.

Of course, lots of times it gets changed to Mrs or Miss by whatever system we’re dealing with, which is irritating. We ask them to put it back how it was and on we go.

FatimaHatima · 25/11/2022 08:48

This reply has been deleted

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FatimaHatima · 25/11/2022 08:51

My 7 year old daughter is a Ms and always has been. Why should anyone gain information about her from her title?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 25/11/2022 08:57

Do you actually have to put a title?

I try and not use anything. I'm slightly surprised at how often it's not mandatory. (And when it is, I use "Dr" since i did a PhD a million years ago).

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow you’re charming, for your information I don’t look at what board I’m on I go to new threads and just read from there.

however from your attitude you are the typical rude feminist I’ve came across before, you find everything offensive!

.

Mardyface · 25/11/2022 09:06

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:03

Wow you’re charming, for your information I don’t look at what board I’m on I go to new threads and just read from there.

however from your attitude you are the typical rude feminist I’ve came across before, you find everything offensive!

.

Calling someone else sarcastically charming when you're 'despairing of' what they consider important is top level hypocrisy, well done. OP I use Ms for my daughters on forms. They can decide themselves later (but are both pretty typical rude feminists so I suspect will carry on).

FatimaHatima · 25/11/2022 09:08

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:03

Wow you’re charming, for your information I don’t look at what board I’m on I go to new threads and just read from there.

however from your attitude you are the typical rude feminist I’ve came across before, you find everything offensive!

.

You: *For your information, I have no idea where I am, I just crash into boards to tell them that their on topic discussions are stupid and use offensive, racist, phrases to do so".

Why don't you go to the pregnancy board and tell them that their chat about heartburn is an irrelevant first world problem?

I don't find everything offensive. Just you, right now.

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:18

FatimaHatima · 25/11/2022 09:08

You: *For your information, I have no idea where I am, I just crash into boards to tell them that their on topic discussions are stupid and use offensive, racist, phrases to do so".

Why don't you go to the pregnancy board and tell them that their chat about heartburn is an irrelevant first world problem?

I don't find everything offensive. Just you, right now.

I told you you were charming because you told me to fuck off!

I don’t crash land I just don’t read what board I’m on I go to active to read the most current board.

im glad you find me offensive means you aren’t bullying someone who is more vulnerable than me!

LucySno · 25/11/2022 09:34

Miss and Master for children
Ms and Mister for adults.

I'm going to be generous and presume "Mr" covers both Mister and Master.

contrary13 · 25/11/2022 09:35

"Historically you and your DD are both Mrs and only school room girls are Miss. (18th c. and earlier)
But the fashion for Frenchness in the 19th c. saw Mrs get taken away from all high status women and limited to only married women. With rare exceptions, ie a housekeeper would have the courtesy title of Mrs.
1901 saw Ms. and Ms. literally means the same as Mrs did before the Victorian French worshipping nonsense."

@Onnabugeisha - thank you; that was information I didn't know.

What I meant when I said "in a historical sense" was that I don't consider myself the virginial young girl because I have children. I was 20 when I had my oldest and, even then, it was something I felt very strongly about - I always disliked being described as "Miss [insert name here]" though. But I wasn't married, either, and felt too young to be labelled "Mrs" at the time (tell that to my children's schools/doctors/so forth, however... they presume I'm married!) so went for "Ms" instead. As it happens, I'd much rather use no title/label whatsoever, but that's a gripe for another day. Technically, like a previous poster, I'm entitled to call myself "Dr" or even "Professor" on my forms... but I don't. Maybe I ought to. But the decision to use the title "Ms", back then, for me was one that a lot of people couldn't quite wrap their heads around - so I used the above mentioned way of explaining to them why I'd made that choice. I'll answer to "Mrs [last name]" if I'm addressed by it now, because I'm old enough that people simply assume I'm married (which they shouldn't... but they do). But when my oldest was born? Nope.

My 26 year old daughter, however, is very firmly a "Miss" and, when she marries, is determined to become "Mrs [his last name]". That's her choice, and ones she's made very happily for herself. I find it a little amusing, though, because she doesn't bear her father's last name. Or even my father's last name. My children carry my mother's grandmother's maiden name, because I - again, as a 20 year old, just out of an abusive relationship - refused point blank to follow patriarchal rules about naming my precious infant daughter, and went for the name of a woman whom I remember as having been very staunch in her beliefs concerning women and our rights. Then again, her mother (my 2xgreat-grandmother) was something of a (rural) suffragette and those beliefs have trickled on down through the generations... to my own daughter, who is happy to (and has the right to!) rescind them! Hmm

But the point stands that until I needed to start filling out forms for admissions or applications regarding my children, I didn't need to tick any boxes concerning them. I actually didn't tick "Miss" for my daughter's forms as a baby - left them blank, as I did for my son. Other people decided they were "Miss" and "Master". Society is, as it is, and it does like us all to be in neat little labelled boxes for some reason or another... Legally, though, I will never be a "Mrs" - because I will never marry. I'm content to be a "Ms", with a "Miss" and a "Lord" for (adult) children.

Each to their own.

FatimaHatima · 25/11/2022 09:41

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:18

I told you you were charming because you told me to fuck off!

I don’t crash land I just don’t read what board I’m on I go to active to read the most current board.

im glad you find me offensive means you aren’t bullying someone who is more vulnerable than me!

You realise you did the equivelent of walking into a meeting room and announcing to everyone in there that you thought their discussion was stupid and pointless, without even knowing what the meeting was about?

Anyone who goes onto a feminism board to tell the people using it that the discussions about feminism are irrelevent can fuck off. And then fuck off some more.

Feminism is important to women everywhere in the world. Sorry for you that you don't get that.

NatalieIsFreezing · 25/11/2022 09:55

2pinkginsplease · 25/11/2022 09:18

I told you you were charming because you told me to fuck off!

I don’t crash land I just don’t read what board I’m on I go to active to read the most current board.

im glad you find me offensive means you aren’t bullying someone who is more vulnerable than me!

Ffs if you don't even bother to read the post and what board it's on you can't complain about not knowing what the problem is - go and look for yourself! I hope you don't go on the other boards like this and rudely ask Black or Neurodivergent MNers what their problem is? Read the room!

Consider this a crash course in forum etiquette!

GerbilsForever24 · 25/11/2022 10:00

I had planned to use Miss for DD and Master for DS until they reached 16 or so - then Ms and Mr. But I quickly realised that the old fashioned Master seems to have largely disappeared and so I immediately swapped to Ms for DD. Although it doesn't tend to come up that often.

SheWoreARaspberryBeret123 · 25/11/2022 10:09

2pinkginsplease · 24/11/2022 22:09

I honestly despair at the world some times!

1st world problems.

what on earth is wrong with Miss?

It denotes that a woman is unmarried, in a way that Mr. doesn't. It's a hangover from when women were their husband's property. It doesn't really have a place in an equal society. If you think about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

SheWoreARaspberryBeret123 · 25/11/2022 10:11

Gotta love a rude feminist! 🤣🤣🤣

Terracottage · 25/11/2022 10:11

I'm a ms, my mum is a ms, my daughter is a miss right now but probably will be a ms when she's older.

TumbleFryer · 25/11/2022 10:14

Definitely Ms. The fact that there is only Mr for a boy shows this Miss and Master are outdated.

Onnabugeisha · 25/11/2022 15:10

@contrary13
Glad you liked the journey back in time. I knew from you saying historically you should be a Miss that history was an interest of yours and you were quite right going back 150yrs or so.

I found it fascinating to find out that 20th century progress was really erasing a 19th c. step backwards when it comes to Miss/Mrs so thought you might too.

It just goes to show that feminism has been a long hard slog over centuries with steps both forwards and backwards.

I agree each to their own. You’ve chosen the modern Ms. I’ve reclaimed the 18thc. Mrs.

Onnabugeisha · 25/11/2022 15:12

SheWoreARaspberryBeret123 · 25/11/2022 10:09

It denotes that a woman is unmarried, in a way that Mr. doesn't. It's a hangover from when women were their husband's property. It doesn't really have a place in an equal society. If you think about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Technically it’s a hangover from a Victorian fad. It only lasted a century. It’s not really connected to the rights of women.

Onnabugeisha · 25/11/2022 15:16

NatalieIsFreezing · 25/11/2022 09:55

Ffs if you don't even bother to read the post and what board it's on you can't complain about not knowing what the problem is - go and look for yourself! I hope you don't go on the other boards like this and rudely ask Black or Neurodivergent MNers what their problem is? Read the room!

Consider this a crash course in forum etiquette!

@2pinkginsplease was told to fuck off amongst other unpleasantries to which calling that poster ‘charming’ was actually quite restrained. So please direct your lessons on forum etiquette to @FatimaHatima as she’s the one who launched a now deleted OTT personal attack. You cannot blame @2pinkginsplease for defending herself.