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Experience as young girl haunting me

3 replies

Pisces666 · 07/10/2022 20:09

my Dad was a young man when I was born. Really good dad. Not much to complain about. Since I became a mother I’ve got some memories coming up to me and making me feel very sad and uncomfortable

  1. I was little girl but physically developed Fast. My dad gave me a bath and then stood me up and decided to examine my pubic hair. I had a lot and maybe it worried my parents. I vividly remember him telling me not to move and picking one hair and sort pullin it a bit to see. I don’t know what for.
  2. I was a bit older and one day really felt cuddly and needed my dad. I tried to get close and he made a comment about me being like a cat trying to get a stroke or something like that : I don’t remember exact words ! It must have been like 25 years ago. But it made me feel like I’m doing something inappropriate and since then tried to not to get too close to my dad.
  3. older … maybe 13 . I was at thW computer and he was leaning somewhere and said goodbye and I thought he’s gonna kiss me goodbye but his tongue went into my ear. I don’t know if he was joking or what . It made me very upset I remember when he gone I put my face in my hands and tried to disappear. I can’t remember if I cried . I was angry and I felt disgusting.

and how do I understand it.
he’s like a perfect dad . Like supportive does everything for us. I always had bad abusive partners. I’ve got a child with a toxic narc.
I feel like i am on a crossroads. I think I need therapy .
do you guys think it will help ! ? I have flashbacks but can’t establish if it’s bad or it’s happenes to kids on regular basics
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Wfhandbored · 07/10/2022 20:11

I'm so sorry this is coming up for you. I physically recoiled when reading this so I do think you should take some time to consider therapy, if it's come back to you it's likely not going anywhere any time soon. I'm sorry to say that it doesn't sound innocent to me, I couldn't explain away the pubic exam or the ear whatsoever :(

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howdoesatoastermaketoast · 08/10/2022 18:12

yeah if you can afford it therapy sounds like a good idea. The problem is you're trying to maintain to contradictory realities one where your Dad was "perfect" or at least "really good" and the other where you have memories of your father behaving in ways which as a mum you recognise as well let's say 'not good enough' for your kids.

Processing is possible but not generally a happy or comfortable experience. It may be horrifyingly common but that doesn't make it ok. Perfect Dads don't do this, really good Dads don't do this. You need to let go or that story, it's that story that's causing the cognitive dissonance. If you're having trauma flashbacks you do, in fact, have stuff to complain about and professional help should, fingers crossed, help.

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Sophieleigh26 · 08/10/2022 18:24

Sorry OP no advice but I have very similar experiences and don’t know what to make of it.

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