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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Men telling me I look tired - best response?

41 replies

Celia24 · 22/07/2022 13:17

Anyone got any good retorts for this?

I've had this twice in the last year. I live between two newsagents. I once went into one with minimal make up on and the guy said 'you been working a lot'. Me - 'why do you ask?'. Him - 'you look tired'. Cheers.

I now go to the other newsagent and today the young guy in there who flirts with me said 'you look tired'. IMe deadpan - wow thanks. Him - 'well I can't lie.' I did go out last night and I am tired - I'm not looking for judgement, I just want my groceries!

It almost feels like they're saying you look so good all the other days that I feel let down today and I'm going to express that. Is there ever a good response to someone who thinks they have the right to say this to you?

I've said men here as it's never come from a woman for me.

OP posts:
SunnySeven · 22/07/2022 13:20

Maybe saying it out of concern? And not considering how it will make you feel

girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 13:21

It's happened twice in a year and it's people who see you looking different normally - I don't think it's worth being short with them over to be honest.

They're not doing it to be patronising.

sleepymum50 · 22/07/2022 13:21

Say “oh if we are giving out negative comments to each other, then you ……..”

or “yes I was up all night spreading the word of the Good Lord, do you want to pray with me?”

AlisonDonut · 22/07/2022 13:22

That's a polite way of saying that your personality doesn't spark joy mate. I was fine before I encountered you.

NotTodaySatan654 · 22/07/2022 13:24

Just say back...'I'm wide awake actually'

Original poster
Celia24 · 22/07/2022 13:27

I just don't see the guy talking to a man that way. He served a man before me and called him 'sir'. I get an insult!

I know people are saying it isn't a big deal but it always makes me feel crap. I'd love to think of a back handed insult but the guy in question is 20 and never looks crap to make that work sadly!

Good one @AlisonDonut 😂

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 22/07/2022 13:33

My best response to this is "fuck off". I'm sick of people making comments about my appearance as I get older. Too fat, too thin, your neck's going, you look tired. Sick to death of it.

Velvettia · 22/07/2022 13:35

Just take your custom elsewhere?

Original poster
Celia24 · 22/07/2022 13:37

@Shehasadiamondinthesky exactly it's people commenting on you getting older.

I look younger than my age and on a good day could pass for mid 20s which may be why he tries his hand at chatting me up. I'm actually 30 and a late night shows more now especially as I have very pale skin.

I'd love to tell him fuck off but given I'm in that shop every other day I'd rather come up with a clever retort to get him to knock it off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 22/07/2022 13:40

Velvettia · 22/07/2022 13:35

Just take your custom elsewhere?

I did! I took my custom from the last man/newsagent who told me I looked tired and was more rude to this one right next door to my house nearly a year ago.

I shouldn't have to keep finding new bloody shops because they can't be respectful. I don't want them commenting on my appearance at all. I doubt they do it with male customers.

OP posts:
Annonnimoouse42 · 22/07/2022 13:43

tell them you're tired alright. Tired of men making rude comments

ErrolTheDragon · 22/07/2022 13:45

How about "yes, I'm tired of blokes making random personal comments".
(If it's a man you don't know then "I'm tired of random blokes making personal comments" )

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 22/07/2022 13:47

I get this a fair bit I have a number of responses including: yes I know/thanks, you too/fuck off/that's because I AM tired/oh that's a bit rude to say that to my face/yes i know/it's because I was up all night shagging... depending on who says it to me.
But it doesn't really deserve any sort of response - a blank look and just leaving their comment hanging is the route I'm starting to take.

dudsville · 22/07/2022 13:48

I honestly don't know. On the one hand, why stoop to their level. On the other hand, how about "while we're critiquing one another's appearance uninvited, you've been looking a little bloated. Everything ok with you?"

Inthemane · 22/07/2022 13:48

You could change the subject (to anything) to show you won’t be engaging: “Busy for you? How’s about that heatwave?”

Say it back (doesn’t matter if it’s not true… why do you think he believes what he’s saying? Plenty of men use this to get a rise out of women… like the ones who tell you to cheer up.) “Yeah, so do you.”

Disagree. “Had a great sleep, thanks. Do you need to go to Specsavers?”

Call him out: “Do you know anyone who likes being told they look tired?”

Or just give him a blank stare. Don’t let some random guy make you feel bad. I agonised for years over random guys telling me to cheer up in the street before someone told me they do this to get your attention, there’s nothing wrong with looking the way you look.

I recommend this book: Women Don’t Owe You Pretty by Florence Given

ZenNudist · 22/07/2022 13:50

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 22/07/2022 13:33

My best response to this is "fuck off". I'm sick of people making comments about my appearance as I get older. Too fat, too thin, your neck's going, you look tired. Sick to death of it.

Love this

dudsville · 22/07/2022 14:06

Scratch mine, I love @Inthemane 's suggestions.

I'm reminded of a time in a coffee shop where I'm a regular and know the staff well. They had a new guy in, young. I guess he'd only seen me with my hair down previously, I don't know, but it's natural, not dyed, and when up looks mostly white versus mostly dark when down. He absolutley exclaimed with a lot of passion behond his opinion, something along the lines of "omg why don't you dye it?" It was rude, but personally speaking, a comment on my hair can't hurt me, I happen to love my hair far too much! As it was a one off I shrugged it off with a kind of "that's an odd comment to make, but I love my hair". However what I really recall about the weird incident is another regular, a guy of a similar age to me, who was clearly horrified and felt the need to reassure me, then complimented my hair, and I was equally flummoxed and said something along the lines of "I mean, I do like my hair, I didn't realise I'd be getting so much feedback today about my appearance". I never saw the new coffee shop guy again. I didn't ask after him, but the other regular and I nod hello in passing!

nocoolnamesleft · 22/07/2022 23:39

Thank you for your intrusive comment, random man.

ChaToilLeam · 22/07/2022 23:42

“ Cos I am pal, cos I am.”

Blue4YOU · 22/07/2022 23:47

I’d say “yeah I am - of you”

ladydimitrescu · 22/07/2022 23:48

I always say "this is just my face", or "I'm not sick/tired/upset, I'm just ugly"
I don't think I'm ugly, but it does embarrass people enough to not comment again!

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 23/07/2022 13:57

Him: i can't lie
You: I can't remember asking you

CookPassBabtridge · 23/07/2022 14:03

I get it everytime I don't wear eye makeup 😆 Can't imagine how it would be it I didn't wear any at all, probably "you look dead"

I just look really different and they're not used to it.. they don't need to comment on it though. But personally it's never bothered me if someone says I look tired, I don't see it as an insult.

Berlinlover · 23/07/2022 14:09

It’s always women who say that to me not men. My response is “Oh, I always look like shit”.

TruthHertz · 23/07/2022 23:31

This is problem when you start applying feminist theory to everyday interactions. It's just a guy you see regularly making a passing comment. I'd probs say something like "yeah, long day, can't wait to hit the sack."