Women being expected to have no boundaries

[beautyisthefaceisee]

Sorry if this is the wrong place - just looking for genuine opinions and potentially affirmation I've not lost the plot.

I am a pretty kind human being with my time - I support people, I give a lot, I do a lot for people etc. But today I found myself in a situation , not for the first time, and it's really made me question a lot.

I texted a neighbour in our close about an incident within the close. I have zero friendship with this man, hes about 20 years older than me and your classic "I'm not racist" but, and we don't speak other than in passing.

Since this message, which didn't require a response, I've had numerous texts and phone calls. All above board and friendly, but generally just a bit much, given that I didn't respond to any. I asked him to stop contacting me as I was finding it a bit too much and was treated to an essay, amongst other things, about how hes "just friendly", "a good man with manners" and hes "disappointed in me" and will "learn a lesson from this as he was very surprised" - WTF - he doesn't even know me!His last text said he will never be communicating wiht me again and I have upset him.

I'm now starting to feel quite guilty - maybe the guy is lonely and I've been unecessarily harsh?

Just block him. He knows perfectly well what he was doing. Don’t fall for the fake indignant act.

I feel really uncomfortable now. The original incident was about him behaving in a really shitty way towards my flatmate (Banging and swearing about 'noise' at 815 pm because he'd had too many shandies) which I was pretty reasonable about and now I feel so awkward about the whole thing in general, and really pissed off that I'm being made out to be an awful human!

Nope. Any decent human would have said "sorry to have made you uncomfortable" then stopped contact, even if they felt hard done by. By his standards you haven't responded properly to him being a "nice guy" so now you're rude - and women aren't supposed to be rude, are we?!

Yes, I was chinned for my "rude reply"which said along the lines of please stop texting and calling me, I don't know you particularly well and I don't wish to have contact. I will say hello when I see you but please respec tthis, have a lovely weekend etc. I was far from bloody rude.

It's exactly that. I've got manners and respect and I'm a "friendly" (bowk) guy so you must therefore have no boundaries and do what I want.

He's a human sponge. They can be male or female but one contact and they think they have the right to move in with you and be your best buddy. The best thing I find is to block them right off.

Oh god one of those guys who thinks there 'a good guy' but are one incident away from showing their true selves and it's 'your fault' for punching them over the edge and 'making' their mask slip!!

He sounds like a twat. My experience of people 20yrs older than me is that they can barely text or communicate in any way on mobile phone so he must have been going all out to bombard you with unwanted messages. He can fuck right off. His last message to you shows what a twat he is. As well as going off on one with your flat mate. Block on the phone and ignore in person. He is an entitled twat.

I'm confused to why you text some random and how you got his number.

But yeah, these dudes who say they're nice but aren't are just worth blocking.

The thing is, and it took me a while to learn this (the hard way) - there are some men out there who perceive a woman talking to them in a normal, polite way, as a come on. Pure and simple. Strangely they are also the type who do not take rejection well. They can be difficult to spot, only showing themselves once you have behaved politely to them. Well I haven't been able to spot them.

Batten down your boundaries, block all phone numbers, if you see them in the street do not engage eye contact. You have done nothing wrong. You will not be able to reason with them as they do not think they have done anything wrong, so don't even try - waste of effort. Just step away, chin up and eyes front

We are a small close of four/five people. We have his number because he is responsible for our close and our rep on the committee. Our buzzer is broken so we all have each others in the event of being locked out/deliveries to wrong flat (common because of our address).

I texted him because I wanted to address his behaviour to my flatmate who was scared shitless.

I'm impressed you attempted to address it directly at all, to be honest.

He behaved like an arse, intimidating your flatmate. I'd have logged it and gone to the police if it kept recurring. Perhaps discussed with neighbours if they had similar issues.

I wish I hadn't now!

He's manipulative.

I agree with pp that a decent human being would have said "im so sorry i made you uncomfortable".

I bet he wasn't relentlessly texting any women his own age, getting no response and yet persisting.

If he approaches you again, be direct, you made me uncomfortable and then acted like the victim. Please stay away.

Sounds like my ex husband tbh the best thing you can do is ignore it
He sends me random long winded epistles and I don't reply he even sent me pictures of our own children (which I actually took) and I didn't reply

if its relevant I will respond irrelevant drivel ignore

"I'm now starting to feel quite guilty - maybe the guy is lonely and I've been unecessarily harsh?"

even if that were the case, it's not your problem.

but really what has happened is a egotistical git objects to you daring to stand up for yourself and/or flatmate. Ignore.

I think you should log both incidents, and be ready for escalation, to be honest. Sorry.

Thanks everyone. I feel a teeny bit better!

I'm glad you told him to stop. Yanbu, he was.
I know that I have apologised when someone else is being unreasonable just to stop an awkward situation twice this week already, which I know is silly, so am going to start calling them out on it.

Dont say that! I'm already so anxious.

I'm reassuring myself I've lived here 2 years and we've never had an incident wiht him before and he's so fuming that he's saying he will never speak to me again (hope he doesn't).

this was part of it. he's met me 3 times!!! How could I disappoint him?!

Thank you x

Yes this. Block and move on.