Feminism: chat
'The Game' - Why do I keep attracting pick up artists?
Thehonestybox · 16/06/2022 18:55
I've just had a really unnerving encounter with a man on the street who was clearly following a script of 'The Game'.
He just came up to me in the street and said some rubbish about me catching his eye, then he said that he was filming our interaction by hidden camera "for my YouTube channel".
I'd like to say I told him to get lost, but I just got really unnerved and tried to say something polite to extracate myself, but I was really panicking about the camera thing even though I knew it was probably bollocks.
My question is why does this keep happening to me? I've had at least 10 of these over the years. I'm only averagely attractive, don't dress 'sexily' and I'm now mid-30s.
Does anyone else get these encounters? They make me really nervous for ages after and I don't know how to make myself less approachable. A few months ago a guy (who also said he had a hidden camera) carried on following me down the street when I said I was engaged asking stuff like "is it a full-time engagement?!".
UWhatNow · 16/06/2022 18:59
This reply has been deleted
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.
GlumyGloomer · 16/06/2022 19:17
Not the camera thing but when I was in my twenties loads of guys tried to chat me up in the street. I'm not especially attractive, cynically I think that because my look is very casual, no make up etc they assumed I was younger than my actual age and naive/easy target.
I agree that not engaging is the way to go.
UWhatNow · 16/06/2022 19:18
This reply has been deleted
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.
Ithinktomyself · 16/06/2022 19:19
Sorry you're shaken but @UWhatNow is spot on. You've been conditioned to be submissive and fearful of men and these types can smell it a mile off. Training yourself out of it is not impossible but it is hard. Do you have confident friends around you who could help you practice the cold hard stare of an uninterested bitch?
skybluee · 16/06/2022 19:38
I used to stop to talk to these people but this is the solution:
Imagine your feet are like a conveyor belt. No matter what is coming out of your mouth or what they are saying, your feet have to keep moving, pit pat, pit pat. So you're going past them. If you don't stop... this will end. They can't do anything. I do this to everyone now, leaf-letters etc. I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush... and my feet keep moving. It really helps.
doadeer · 16/06/2022 19:40
I just ignore and keep walking. I would say there is rarely a day goes by where I don't have a man in the street trying to say something to me. I never engage. I wish I could give a fuck you response but I don't even have the energy. The amazing thing is it even happens when I'm with my toddler.
Some men are just disgusting. That's it.
Thehonestybox · 16/06/2022 21:31
skybluee · 16/06/2022 19:38
I used to stop to talk to these people but this is the solution:
Imagine your feet are like a conveyor belt. No matter what is coming out of your mouth or what they are saying, your feet have to keep moving, pit pat, pit pat. So you're going past them. If you don't stop... this will end. They can't do anything. I do this to everyone now, leaf-letters etc. I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush... and my feet keep moving. It really helps.
I really like this advice! Yes, I think that's my problem is that I instinctively stop walking in the first place.
Nopetryagain · 16/06/2022 21:51
Just keep walking and if pestered and you don’t feel safe to tell them to F off simply say “I am late to a meeting”. If you they comment on you being underdressed for a meeting (which has happened to me) just reply “I own the company and don’t need a dress code now leave me alone”.
MangyInseam · 16/06/2022 23:49
I used to get random men chat to me on the bus and stuff a lot. I guess I still do to some extent, I just don't ravel on the bus much these days.
I had a boss who was in a position where getting people to chat with him had been a big part of his job, and he said i had a "listening" face. Which is as good an explanation as I've ever had.
Over the years I've learned to fairly smoothly extricate myself if such interactions are going in a direction I don't want, and to anticipate accuratly when that is going to happen, which is a worthwhile skill to try and develop. If you don't want to chat at all you can use pretty much the same techniques effectively.
GreyCarpet · 17/06/2022 07:13
This reply has been deleted
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.
This.
I was once approached by a man whose opening gambit was "Are you married?" My response was "How is that any business of yours?"
Apparently, I was being rude and he was just asking. The irony was lost on him...
Don't worry, by the time you reach your late 40s (as I am) you'll have a whole arsenal of appropriate responses and a stronger urge to ignore. Because, despite what you'll hear about it stopping once you hit 40, it doesn't.
GreyCarpet · 17/06/2022 07:13
This reply has been deleted
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.
This.
I was once approached by a man whose opening gambit was "Are you married?" My response was "How is that any business of yours?"
Apparently, I was being rude and he was just asking. The irony was lost on him...
Don't worry, by the time you reach your late 40s (as I am) you'll have a whole arsenal of appropriate responses and a stronger urge to ignore. Because, despite what you'll hear about it stopping once you hit 40, it doesn't.
Nandocushion · 17/06/2022 07:27
Nopetryagain · 16/06/2022 21:51
Just keep walking and if pestered and you don’t feel safe to tell them to F off simply say “I am late to a meeting”. If you they comment on you being underdressed for a meeting (which has happened to me) just reply “I own the company and don’t need a dress code now leave me alone”.
Or... you could not engage at all, especially not with silly stuff like this. Ignore, no eye contact, you didn't hear them, they aren't there. It's really not difficult. You make it harder for yourself when you engage with them.
GreyCarpet · 17/06/2022 07:28
Thisisit2022 · 16/06/2022 19:34
No...but I've just lost "The Game" after about a year and will now have to tell my daughter...who will also lose "The Game".
If you know, you know!
This.
I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush
“I am late to a meeting”
“I own the company and don’t need a dress code now leave me alone”.
No.
These men don't deserve any explanation.
It's quite literally none of their business so tell them that. Or just ignore.
My daughter is 16. Petite, pretty and blonde. I've already taught her she doesn't owe men 'nice'. she wouldn't antagonise one but she knows she doesn't have to engage with them either.
AdamRyan · 17/06/2022 13:04
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.