'The Game' - Why do I keep attracting pick up artists?

[Thehonestybox]

I've just had a really unnerving encounter with a man on the street who was clearly following a script of 'The Game'.

He just came up to me in the street and said some rubbish about me catching his eye, then he said that he was filming our interaction by hidden camera "for my YouTube channel".

I'd like to say I told him to get lost, but I just got really unnerved and tried to say something polite to extracate myself, but I was really panicking about the camera thing even though I knew it was probably bollocks.

My question is why does this keep happening to me? I've had at least 10 of these over the years. I'm only averagely attractive, don't dress 'sexily' and I'm now mid-30s.

Does anyone else get these encounters? They make me really nervous for ages after and I don't know how to make myself less approachable. A few months ago a guy (who also said he had a hidden camera) carried on following me down the street when I said I was engaged asking stuff like "is it a full-time engagement?!".

Wow - that's strangely the most succinct and perfect response!

I feel a bit ridiculous that I just spent 5 minutes typing out my rambling question while still shaking with nerves

Ah bless you OP, that sounds really annoying and scary. I wouldn’t like that at all but like a PP I have resting bitch face and I’m over 40 and overweight so I’m invisible so don’t attract these type of men!

Not the camera thing but when I was in my twenties loads of guys tried to chat me up in the street. I'm not especially attractive, cynically I think that because my look is very casual, no make up etc they assumed I was younger than my actual age and naive/easy target.
I agree that not engaging is the way to go.

Sorry you're shaken but @UWhatNow is spot on. You've been conditioned to be submissive and fearful of men and these types can smell it a mile off. Training yourself out of it is not impossible but it is hard. Do you have confident friends around you who could help you practice the cold hard stare of an uninterested bitch?

I'm slightly alarmed that's the second time those twats have been mentioned on here today. It's like saying beetlejuice 3 times.

Although I'd quite like to see them get their arse handed to them again.

No...but I've just lost "The Game" after about a year and will now have to tell my daughter...who will also lose "The Game".

If you know, you know!

I used to stop to talk to these people but this is the solution:

Imagine your feet are like a conveyor belt. No matter what is coming out of your mouth or what they are saying, your feet have to keep moving, pit pat, pit pat. So you're going past them. If you don't stop... this will end. They can't do anything. I do this to everyone now, leaf-letters etc. I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush... and my feet keep moving. It really helps.

Fucks sake @Thisisit2022 😑

I just ignore and keep walking. I would say there is rarely a day goes by where I don't have a man in the street trying to say something to me. I never engage. I wish I could give a fuck you response but I don't even have the energy. The amazing thing is it even happens when I'm with my toddler.

Some men are just disgusting. That's it.

Beat me to it.

I really like this advice! Yes, I think that's my problem is that I instinctively stop walking in the first place.

God if they're still going upto you with a child that really is disgusting, putting a kid in that position

I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush

You don't owe them an apology for not stopping and talking to them. We don't owe anyone. X

Just keep walking and if pestered and you don’t feel safe to tell them to F off simply say “I am late to a meeting”. If you they comment on you being underdressed for a meeting (which has happened to me) just reply “I own the company and don’t need a dress code now leave me alone”.

I used to get random men chat to me on the bus and stuff a lot. I guess I still do to some extent, I just don't ravel on the bus much these days.

I had a boss who was in a position where getting people to chat with him had been a big part of his job, and he said i had a "listening" face. Which is as good an explanation as I've ever had.

Over the years I've learned to fairly smoothly extricate myself if such interactions are going in a direction I don't want, and to anticipate accuratly when that is going to happen, which is a worthwhile skill to try and develop. If you don't want to chat at all you can use pretty much the same techniques effectively.

This.

I was once approached by a man whose opening gambit was "Are you married?" My response was "How is that any business of yours?"

Apparently, I was being rude and he was just asking. The irony was lost on him...

Don't worry, by the time you reach your late 40s (as I am) you'll have a whole arsenal of appropriate responses and a stronger urge to ignore. Because, despite what you'll hear about it stopping once you hit 40, it doesn't.

This.

I was once approached by a man whose opening gambit was "Are you married?" My response was "How is that any business of yours?"

Apparently, I was being rude and he was just asking. The irony was lost on him...

Don't worry, by the time you reach your late 40s (as I am) you'll have a whole arsenal of appropriate responses and a stronger urge to ignore. Because, despite what you'll hear about it stopping once you hit 40, it doesn't.

Or... you could not engage at all, especially not with silly stuff like this. Ignore, no eye contact, you didn't hear them, they aren't there. It's really not difficult. You make it harder for yourself when you engage with them.

This.

I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush

“I am late to a meeting”

“I own the company and don’t need a dress code now leave me alone”.

No.

These men don't deserve any explanation.

It's quite literally none of their business so tell them that. Or just ignore.

My daughter is 16. Petite, pretty and blonde. I've already taught her she doesn't owe men 'nice'. she wouldn't antagonise one but she knows she doesn't have to engage with them either.

Never stop walking! Just keep going! They might follow you but will give up. If you stop It’s harder to start walking again

Yes, this.

Same with 'chuggers' or anyone else who wants to 'just have a minute of your time'.

Keep moving- I love the conveyor belt image upthread.

I don't think you should say anything at all in this situation. Just keep moving as though they don't exist. The minute you give an explanation you're entering a conversation with them. It's a win for them.

I think you might find this useful
www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=westcasa.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/TheSharkCage.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj9xJLRuLT4AhXcQkEAHZDOA-MQFnoECAcQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1WAyh3x2X9wZCLkcwA_fhp