'The Game' - Why do I keep attracting pick up artists?

[Thehonestybox]

I've just had a really unnerving encounter with a man on the street who was clearly following a script of 'The Game'.

He just came up to me in the street and said some rubbish about me catching his eye, then he said that he was filming our interaction by hidden camera "for my YouTube channel".

I'd like to say I told him to get lost, but I just got really unnerved and tried to say something polite to extracate myself, but I was really panicking about the camera thing even though I knew it was probably bollocks.

My question is why does this keep happening to me? I've had at least 10 of these over the years. I'm only averagely attractive, don't dress 'sexily' and I'm now mid-30s.

Does anyone else get these encounters? They make me really nervous for ages after and I don't know how to make myself less approachable. A few months ago a guy (who also said he had a hidden camera) carried on following me down the street when I said I was engaged asking stuff like "is it a full-time engagement?!".

[MargaritaPie]

@skybluee

I used to stop to talk to these people but this is the solution:

Imagine your feet are like a conveyor belt. No matter what is coming out of your mouth or what they are saying, your feet have to keep moving, pit pat, pit pat. So you're going past them. If you don't stop... this will end. They can't do anything. I do this to everyone now, leaf-letters etc. I just say I'm sorry, I'm in a rush... and my feet keep moving. It really helps.

Agree.

If you stop walking then they've "got you" and you feel under pressure to stand and engage.

Don't be rude unjustly, be polite "sorry busy" and keep walking.

[Charlize43]

When I was younger I always used to smile and rush away saying, 'Sorry but I'm really, really late for a doctor's appointment'. Always works and never failed me. One time, I had a man shout after me, 'I only wanted directions.'

You probably look 'naive.' and are also a tramp magnet. I have a friend like this. All the weirdos & beggars hone in on her because she gives off an air of being so unclued up. She always gets swamped. Last time I was out on holiday with her in Spain she ended up buying heather from a gypsy woman. Three times! Whereas I'll say, 'I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested.' and put my hand up in the stop gesture.

Resting bitch face, probably works as well. I've also read that saying something completely random can throw them. Just try and be more assertive.

[brighteyesburninglikefire]

I don't even make eye contact, don't respond, act as though I haven't heard them. Dark glasses, headphones/ ear pods, large dog, all helps.

[IrisVersicolor]

Don’t know if it’s because I grew up in London as opposed to a small town or countryside, but the frequency of this kind of nonsense from teenage years onward just gave me (one) zero tolerance of this nonsense.

You just have to learn to be tough.

[Charlize43]

@IrisVersicolor

Don’t know if it’s because I grew up in London as opposed to a small town or countryside, but the frequency of this kind of nonsense from teenage years onward just gave me (one) zero tolerance of this nonsense.

You just have to learn to be tough.

Ditto, as a Londoner.

I think it's cultural fashionable for young girls today to perceive themselves as victims (Different mindset) whereas those of us growing up in the 70s didn't take any shit and thought nothing of telling a persistently annoying bloke to piss off!

[DustyTulips]

Keep walking, avoid eye contact, use the stop hand gesture and negative head shake if they persist. Combine with resting bitch face and the certainty you owe them
nothing.

[goldfinchonthelawn]

Keep walking, don't speak, don't meet their eye. Not much they can do if you treat them as invisible.

[EarthSight]

Either ignore or say 'Do you think that filming women without consent is going to charm them?'

[IrisVersicolor]

Or as I recently said - “why the fuck are you filming your own sex pesting?”

[TheDailyCarbunkle]

Chuggers have sometimes approached me in the street but never a random man. I have a friend that it happened to fairly often and it made me wonder what the difference was as we look very similar, then I was out with her at night and I noticed she was making eye contact with people around her. Big mistake. A bunch of guys started moving towards us making comments and she slowed down - I thought 'what the actual fuck?!' I grabbed her by the arm, said 'look at me' and then feigned speaking to her as we walked along. The men just fell back and stopped talking. Ignoring like that is effective because it allows the men to act like they weren't talking to you in the first place - reducing confrontation and any excuse they might have to get aggressive - and it stops them from continuing because it's embarrassing to keep speaking to someone who isn't even registering your presence. I walk around as if I'm in a protective bubble, totally in my own space, not engaging with anyone. Every so often if I feel like I let it drop and I notice someone very quickly starts talking to me. Usually they're just friendly people looking for a chat, but it's amazing what a difference it makes.

[EarthquakesinEastActon]

Whenever I sense someone like that approaching, even if it’s a chugger, I keep walking purposefully, and if they speak, before they finish I just say a loud and cheery ‘No thank you!’, talking over them, and keep going at the same speed. Works for people wanting to sell me hair treatments in shopping malls, those telling me about the plight of the dolphins and men trying to get me to engage in conversation. Works every time.

[quixote9]

The way you phrased your question reminded me of a cartoon: two ducks are floating about among the reeds and one says, "Why am I inviting all this duck hunting into my life right now?"

It's nothing you're doing! Doing something involves keeping walking with resting bitch face, as others have said.

[DrBlackbird]

PMK for ideas to suggest to my DD on avoiding unwanted attention.

[howdoesatoastermaketoast]

@Thehonestybox

Wow - that's strangely the most succinct and perfect response!

I feel a bit ridiculous that I just spent 5 minutes typing out my rambling question while still shaking with nerves

You need nothing wrong and I'm sorry you feel shaken by the experience but yeah the just don't stop walking, total blanking thing is a winner.

Side effect is it works well with the chugger / energy supplier crowd too.