Feminism: chat
robocracker · 16/04/2022 12:34
@Northernlurker
She's almost 15. I feel I've done a reasonable job
👍
Good work!
My grandma used to ask us HOW MANY boyfriends we had. I wish I'd had the strength as a teen to answer like your daughter. My mother did not advocate against non consensual hugs and kisses either. 🙄
My eldest is gay but has chosen not to tell my dm yet. I don't think she ever will tbh. She's not as forthright as your girl but at least she's making choices about what she doesn't say
fffffeeeedddduupp · 18/04/2022 06:41
@ClinkeyMonkey
I would like to know this too. I think the reply was great btw, but I think asking about boyfriends/girlfriends is pretty standard small talk.
It's the underlying implication that having a relationship defines you as a successful human being .
ClinkeyMonkey · 18/04/2022 07:41
It's the underlying implication that having a relationship defines you as a successful human being
Not wanting to labour the point, but going to anyway how is that sexist? Boys/men are also regularly asked if they have a girlfriend. Making the assumption that someone is heterosexual might be up for question, but it's hardly sexist to ask if someone is in a relationship.
fffffeeeedddduupp · 18/04/2022 09:29
@ClinkeyMonkey
Not wanting to labour the point, but going to anyway
how is that sexist? Boys/men are also regularly asked if they have a girlfriend. Making the assumption that someone is heterosexual might be up for question, but it's hardly sexist to ask if someone is in a relationship.It stems from the idea that have a partner denotes your worth. People tend to ask that more than about career or academics or hobbies. And about babies snd pregnancy.
Men do get asked too but there's always been a negative around single women that doesn't apply to men in the same way.
Of course it's entirely possible grandad is interested in all areas of his dgc life and this was another thing he was asking or it could be he shows little interest and asks questions like have you found a boyfriend yet and that's why she felt the need to make the comment.
LoudingVoice · 18/04/2022 09:40
I wish I’d had the guts and realisation I could answer this kind of question like this when I was younger.
My wider family were forever asking me this kind of thing, don’t remember ever being asked about how my degree was going, or being congratulated on the result.
ClinkeyMonkey · 18/04/2022 09:42
@fffffeeeedddduupp But we don't have enough information in the original post to infer that it was anything but a casual question from an interested grandparent. If he'd wondered why his granddaughter didn't hurry up and grab herself a man, get married and start having babies, then fair enough. Maybe that's what he meant and the OP knows this, but there was no mention of this.
Ah well, I'll just keep taking people's questions at face value until I know otherwise.
Awrite · 18/04/2022 09:54
Maybe op knows that her Dad is sexist and not proud of his granddaughter's achievements. Maybe 15 year old sister knows too, hence her response.
My Dad asking the same wouldn't illicit such a response as he is insanely proud of his granddaughter. Mind you, I can't see him asking such a question. My Mum though ...
FishfingersAndCustard86 · 18/04/2022 09:56
Unless there is some huge backstory to this then I’d be mortified if I was you.
I’m assuming this is a loving grandparent as you’ve maintained contact.
Your daughter has been rude, and decided to ‘put down’ her grandfather, because of a normal ‘filler’ question from the older generation.
At her age I would inwardly roll my eyes at that question, but answer politely. And my brother would get the exact same one. They were just making conversation.
It does annoy when stuff like this so held up as some sort of victory for women. If it was actual sexism (like ‘why does your sister need a job, can’t she just get married’) then maybe it would be helping to fight ‘micro sexism’. Hardly fighting FGM, poor rape convictions or domestic violence though was it? If you want to believe you’ve raised some paragon of feminism then maybe get her to volunteer/donate to a charity, and then apologise for being such a rude shit to her grandfather.
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