Pricktease

[DoubleYouOhEmAyEn]

I'm trying to reflect on how the culture of the time affected my behaviour and the development of my self esteem in my teens. Does anyone remember having the phrase 'she's a pricktease' bandied around in the 1980/90s? What are your thoughts about it?
I had an unexpected flashback to something that happened in my early teens. The details are hazy and most likely irrelevant. But this phrase stands out as one that really bothered me at the time. It was used by boys often, about me and other girls. It reeks of male entitlement. I had buried it but it has resurfaced and it's bothering me again. Basically males assuming you're there for the taking and if they fancy you but you don't comply with their wishes by jumping into bed it's somehow all your fault and you deserve to be called names.
Anyone recognise what I'm talking about?

Looking back of course i think so what? What would have ben so awful about being labelled a pricktease?

Yes, this.

I've seen mention of the transformation of women when we reach our 40s and 50s, where we just stop putting up with this shit. It really is the power to hear these labels and just say, "And?"

The meaning is a bit more specific than in your op

According to the Collins/urban dictionary or similar, it specifically mentions:

A woman behaving provocatively or giving hints no that she does wish to engage in sexual activity/“leading a man on”
But then not wishing to engage in sexual activity

I don’t think it is simply women “existing” and men thinking they can therefore have them, it is to do with an interaction and the fact that the man understood that the woman was keen, but then she was in fact not, so his “prick” has been “teased”

And the equally lovely Fridgid, for having the audacity to say no.

You're missing the point, jytdtysrht.

1. In some men's/boy's heads, women and girls are behaving provocatively and leading them on simply by existing.

2. Much of the time, the meaning doesn't matter at all. It's simply a code word they've discovered will increase the chances of getting sex. Followed by a noise to shout angrily once hopes of sex have been dashed.

Dictionary definitions don't come into it.

I was called this too. It is all about male entitlement. The expectation of a male that chatting or flirting or holding hands or cuddling or kissing or whatever is certain to lead to sex. It’s not OK for kissing to just be kissing. It has to be a precursor to a male orgasm. And if a woman or a girl is flirting or kissing etc because she just wanted to flirt or kiss and nothing more, she is a prick tease. She must surely understand that naturally a man will expect (and is entitled to) more than is on offer and God forbid we disappoint a horny bloke.

@jytdtysrht

The meaning is a bit more specific than in your op

According to the Collins/urban dictionary or similar, it specifically mentions:

A woman behaving provocatively or giving hints no that she does wish to engage in sexual activity/“leading a man on”
But then not wishing to engage in sexual activity

I don’t think it is simply women “existing” and men thinking they can therefore have them, it is to do with an interaction and the fact that the man understood that the woman was keen, but then she was in fact not, so his “prick” has been “teased”

Yes I totally get that now but as a teenager I definitely didn't.
Frigid was also really bad. Like permanent I always had the sense that I wanted to be top girlfriend so I've done things I'm really not comfortable with. It's all so warped.

@jytdtysrht that definition is exactly what I’m talking about. Men shouldn’t assume that a woman who wants to kiss them or flirt with them is also indicating that she wants to have sex. A woman can be “keen” on a certain level of intimate contact without actually wanting to have sex. “Prick tease” is a label that is dished out by men (and unfortunately some women) who think that women must consent to everything or nothing. That you should only show any interest in a man or have any kind of intimacy with him if you are willing to give him an orgasm because he is entitled to expect that and it would be a terrible thing to disappoint him.

The dictionary definition above is exactly what I understood by "pricktease" when I was young - I'm not disagreeing that some boys and men twisted the meaning to serve their own ends (if you will pardon the pun)

Jail bait means that you are underage and deliberately tempting a man to commit the crime of sex with a child. Horrific

I never understood it to mean this. I always thought it meant an attractive underage girl, with no implication that the girl was actually doing anything; it was just about her appearance. It was also often used about young men below the age of 21, when that was the legal age of gay male consent - I remember it used more in the context of young men than in the context of young women.

I think that the modern idea of girls being "frigid" if they refuse to send sexual photos is far worse and more dangerous than the concept of the so-called "pricktease". Things are going backwards for women.

I agree with Time I've thought for a while that things are going backwards for women - I'm convinced that my child and young womanhood was far freer that that of today's girls.

Yes it was awful but also rather self defeating for the men involved.
At least then virginity had a value and it was relatively easy to say "NO!" and it was usually respected.
I hate how it seems to be for young women nowadays.

It breaks my heart really whatever happened to romance.

My H said this to me last night but not directly. We separated and are trying to get our marriage back on track. I am finding it hard to get back to sex with him as another women was involved and he’s still unsure about us.

we have been cuddling and kissing passionately though. He wanted to stop and said it’s feels a bit prick teasey. I have been thinking about if this is acceptable or not. I think he was just saying he feels it’s teasing as it doesn’t lead to sex. There isn’t pressure for this. But he seems unable to give affection without leading to sex.

is this the same as directly calling me this?

Yes it is. It doesn't sound like he's trying very hard to get your marriage back on track

Anyone else remember the terrible agonies of “blue balls” if an erect cock was denied an ejaculation?

Women warm up slowly like electric ovens, men are like gas - be careful not to spark them. That was standard advice from the school nuns.

I think it’s important not to (only) blame older generations of women who were trying to protect younger women while dismantling layers of patriarchy themselves. The job still isn’t nearly done and we will be judged lacking by future generations assuming they manage to hold on to any of the ground gained in the last century.

I am still blown away by the me-too shift and how much the narrative has changed in a short space of time.

The film Grease (1978) didn't help. Stockard Channing singing There Are Worse Things I Could Do

There are worse things I could do
Than go with a boy or two
Even though the neighborhood
Thinks I'm trashy and no good
I suppose it could be true
But there are worse things I could do

I could flirt with all the guys
Smile at them and bat my eyes
Press against them when we dance
Make them think they stand a chance
Then refuse to see it through
That's a thing I'd never do

And pretty much everyone I knew went to see that film, girls and boys. So we all came away with the impression that it was worse to be a 'pricktease' than a 'slut'. Rizzo said so. :(

I was called it, turns out I was less of a ‘prick tease’ and more gay with absolutely no interest in boys or men whatsoever. My crime was to be considered pretty when I was a teen, 20s … and to be friendly with boys as I liked ‘boy’ things like football back then.
luckily, girls thought I was pretty too, and I have never been accused by any woman of many thing remotely similar. I’m not sure we even have an equivalent.

Interesting
my memories of this is that it was useful to describe those who flirted with no intentions behind it

it must have got into my psyche because I have a real dislike of people who flirt for some weird reason other than genuine interest. I also remember kalinda on the Good Wife saying she never flirts unless she will have sex with someone. That was made about 15 years ago so the writers would also have grown up with that phrase.

I didn’t see it as misogynistic. Girls used it about boys at my school, in the same way you’d call a boy a drama queen.

I also remember a teacher warning us about blue ball. But she shagged a lot of the good looking boys.

I miss those days. Everything seems weird and angry now. She’s be out of a job of her past went public.

Yes, remember it well. I think it’s been replaced by “frigid” by entitled, arsehole boys and men who overdose on porn and who think that any time, any place, any woman owes them sex. Gives me the rage 😡

‘my memories of this is that it was useful to describe those who flirted with no intentions behind it’

is that not the point of flirting? You may or may not take things further depending on how you’re getting along with the person?

If I slept with ever woman I flirted with, or they expected me to, or I expected them to I’d be into the 100s by now… q

‘Yes, remember it well. I think it’s been replaced by “frigid” by entitled, arsehole boys and men’

been called that by men I don’t know because I didn’t respond to their ‘chat’ or offer of a drink, even got called in a club queue when I wouldn’t talk to some guy.

being gay definitely has its ( mainly societal) draw backs but honest to god I have thanks the heavens many many times that I don’t generally have to deal with the bullshit of men …

I wore the name pricktease like a badge of honour. I was an attractive and confident teenager and it made me feel powerful. (It also made men seemed pretty weak willed and I became very picky as a result).

Depends how far the flirting goes I guess. I think also if it’s being used to get something it’s annoying. A lot of teen chat was “if you want a smoke, just fecking ask for one!”

Another observation
men are so scary now, I cut flirting off right away. I had a thread about someone doing it at work. Hate it. But it didn’t feel like a serious problem in the past. Men didn’t used to be furious if a woman didn’t want them. Or that wasn’t my experience anyway.

Interesting to watch Anatomy of a Scandal recently and see the term used heavily (big part of the court case in the story). I hadn't heard it for many years. Hate it