Pricktease

[DoubleYouOhEmAyEn]

I'm trying to reflect on how the culture of the time affected my behaviour and the development of my self esteem in my teens. Does anyone remember having the phrase 'she's a pricktease' bandied around in the 1980/90s? What are your thoughts about it?
I had an unexpected flashback to something that happened in my early teens. The details are hazy and most likely irrelevant. But this phrase stands out as one that really bothered me at the time. It was used by boys often, about me and other girls. It reeks of male entitlement. I had buried it but it has resurfaced and it's bothering me again. Basically males assuming you're there for the taking and if they fancy you but you don't comply with their wishes by jumping into bed it's somehow all your fault and you deserve to be called names.
Anyone recognise what I'm talking about?

I was called a pricktease at university (mid 80s) because I wouldn't go to bed with my (first ever) boyfriend. He dumped me for someone who would. I was upset at the time, but it didn't bother me longterm - I just assumed he wasn't very nice.
I'm so sorry that it's come back to haunt you Double - it absolutely was not you that was behaving badly

Thanks Trees . It's odd, I'm trying to make sense of growing up in a mysoginistic world, whilst I knew there was discrimination I don't think I realised how bad the whole culture was. It not really haunting me. I'm just trying not to repeat my old patterns so I've been reflecting on stuff. This popped up in my brain while I was doing something completely unrelated. I'd completely forgotten it.

"Pricktease- attractive woman who won't have sex with someone who fancies her".

I’ve heard it recently
So it’s still knocking around.
I was called it a few times as a teen as I had zero interest in boys so my reluctance to pay them any attention whatsoever frequently got a hostile response.
Not that I gave a monkeys as I really, really didnt care what boys or men thought about me.

I was very surprised to be called it in my early 60s by a female friend a few years older than me. I suppose it was in her vocabulary from years ago and she'd never 'retired' the expression.

Cock tease and before that Jail Bait.

It really affected me. It seemed to be the worst thing a woman could be. I had a lot of sex aged 17-20 that with hindsight I wouldn't have, if I hadn't thought fundamentally that an erect penis could not be abandoned. My mother being from an era where if you were in some kind of sexualised situation with a man you deserved everything you got, feminism to her meant eg girls must learn to drive so they could get away from any situation that might turn sexual (or to be fair to avoid being driven by men who were drunk, which was much more accepted in the 50s when she dated). It also meant I didn't flirt or even look men in the eye as I thought if I did those things I should be prepared to have sex with them. It's made me nervous around men all my life.

@fallfallfall

Cock tease and before that Jail Bait.

The latter is deeply offensive IMO.

Pricktease: a woman gets called a name for asserting her boundaries. Yes, I remember it from teenage years.

Gosh I haven’t thought about the word “pricktease” in a long time but seeing it written down has brought a memory back.

I remember being about 15 and my aunt telling me with a completely straight face that I need to be careful around boys as “once they become aroused, they can’t stop” so it was best not to get them aroused in the first place by being a pricktease as “that’s how girls get raped”.

I find this horrific to think about in hindsight. I’m 34 so this phrase was definitely still in use by the early 2000’s.

It also meant I didn't flirt or even look men in the eye as I thought if I did those things I should be prepared to have sex with them. It's made me nervous around men all my life.
This really resonates with me. It seemed so hard to calibrate how interested you could be in a boy before being labelled a pt if you didn't go further. At my school it seemed you either had to be 1) up for everything 2) ignore boys completely in which case you were labelled frigid or lesbian or 3) be religious which was grudgingly accepted as an excuse for not going "all the way".

There are times when I feel lucky to have been at an all girls' school, for sure.

Yes, it has affected me longterm too, the implication that it would be your fault if the male got aroused and couldn't control their urges and that you shouldn't show any sexual interest unless you were prepared to go all the way. Just awful.

Looking back of course i think so what? What would have ben so awful about being labelled a pricktease? I guess because of one if those delightful Catch 22s of patriarchy - you are both too sexual, in that you were alone with a man and in a sexual situation, and not sexual enough, in that you wouldn't fuck.

@fallfallfall

Cock tease and before that Jail Bait.

Jail bait doesn't mean the same thing does it? Both are vile terms but jb refers to someone being under age.

I suppose also because I was always competing with media and porn shadows to be Top Woman or Top Girlfriend.

Jail bait means that you are underage and deliberately tempting a man to commit the crime of sex with a child. Horrific.

Been called this fairly recently (within the past five years) for not sleeping with a date. So it's still around. As you say, male entitlement.

Yup. I'm early 30s and have been called this.
I'm a naturally friendly person and treat both male and female friends/colleagues etc the same but men always seem to get the wrong impression. My two best friends are male (one married and one happily single) I am married with a child
Two men at work have had the wrong impression with one literally stalking me and my manager (female) just said it was my fault 🤷‍♀️ I have hugely adapted my behaviour around men now and probably come across as quite rude

It gives me the rage because it implies action, that you're actively teasing the "cock". In every single situation I remember it being used against me, I was minding my own business. The problem was theirs not mine.

Re jailbait, my father's squadron called me that and Lolita from the start of puberty (9/10). When I told my mother I'd been raped, she insisted I kept quiet and part of her reasoning was the fact that so many men could accuse me of flirting, of using my sexuality like a weapon (from the age of 9) that I'd bring shame to our family.

'I had a lot of sex aged 17-20 that with hindsight I wouldn't have, if I hadn't thought fundamentally that an erect penis could not be abandoned'

Yes this! In the late 80s that is so definitely what my teenage friends and I believed. That those poor boys would explode or something if they couldn't have their way and that it was our duty to help them out. Yeuch

Definitely remember this, and jailbait. It's shocking to look back now at some things that we were expected to put up with from men.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

It gives me the rage because it implies action, that you're actively teasing the "cock". In every single situation I remember it being used against me, I was minding my own business. The problem was theirs not mine.

Re jailbait, my father's squadron called me that and Lolita from the start of puberty (9/10). When I told my mother I'd been raped, she insisted I kept quiet and part of her reasoning was the fact that so many men could accuse me of flirting, of using my sexuality like a weapon (from the age of 9) that I'd bring shame to our family.

Dino I'm sorry for what happened to you

I'm an ex army brat and some of the predatory behaviour I experienced from young soldiers from as early as 13 was horrific.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

It gives me the rage because it implies action, that you're actively teasing the "cock". In every single situation I remember it being used against me, I was minding my own business. The problem was theirs not mine.

Re jailbait, my father's squadron called me that and Lolita from the start of puberty (9/10). When I told my mother I'd been raped, she insisted I kept quiet and part of her reasoning was the fact that so many men could accuse me of flirting, of using my sexuality like a weapon (from the age of 9) that I'd bring shame to our family.

Your second paragraph is shocking. So sorry you experienced this from the people who should care for you and help protect you.

Watching Zara McDermott's recent programme on rape culture in schools, I was shocked to see that boys were calling girls frigid for refusing to send naked photographs of themselves.

It seemed at once incredibly old-fashioned language; and jaw-droppingly entitled in a very modern way. (No digital cameras when I was at school: asking for any kind of photo was unheard of.)

Made me reflect on the power of namecalling, and also on the phenomenon of virtually meaningless words being made some sort of terrible label to be avoided at all costs.

And of course on the absolutely fucking shocking state of things, that the schoolgirls were negotiating for the boys to meet them halfway by only asking for nude photos the once, rather than repeatedly. My head was in my hands throughout.

@PermanentTemporary

It really affected me. It seemed to be the worst thing a woman could be. I had a lot of sex aged 17-20 that with hindsight I wouldn't have, if I hadn't thought fundamentally that an erect penis could not be abandoned. My mother being from an era where if you were in some kind of sexualised situation with a man you deserved everything you got, feminism to her meant eg girls must learn to drive so they could get away from any situation that might turn sexual (or to be fair to avoid being driven by men who were drunk, which was much more accepted in the 50s when she dated). It also meant I didn't flirt or even look men in the eye as I thought if I did those things I should be prepared to have sex with them. It's made me nervous around men all my life.

Every word of this! I actually had a bit of an epiphany a year or so back and realised I had quite firmly absorbed the idea that I 'shouldn't start something I can't finish' wrt to sex. I was a teenager in the 90's and yes, I felt like it was one of the worst things a woman could be (along with 'slag' so that wasn't confusing at all!). DH was appalled I felt like that, it came up in the context of him asking why I never touch him in an even mildly sexual way outside the bedroom and I realised that's why, because I've been led to believe I shouldn't turn a man on and then leave him hanging. It goes so much deeper than a word and it's utterly depressing that it's still around.