Football Privilege

[Elodiee]

Why, when there is a football tournament do some men assume it their ultimate right to opt out of family life to attend all of these football games with their friends in pubs or other places? As if it's not even negotiable?

I am sick of it.
Does it not occur to these men that some women actually enjoy football too and want some time away from the children to watch it? Or even, God forbid, that the woman and children may wish to watch it together as a family?

I overheard a conversation in the street today whereby a group of men were discussing the fact that one of the men in the group weren't watching it with them at the pub because he had to look after his kids. This is because his wife was covering a shift at work which she "should have said no to" apparently, according to these men. They called it "pathetic" that this father had to stay at home and watch the England game with his kids.
Like, What?

[Smartiepants79]

This is not a football issue… it is a man/selfish partner issue.
My DH loves football.
He would never assume it takes precedence over work and will happily watch it with his family.

[OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea]

I agree that it is a selfish partner issue.

However, our societal, patriarchy driven norms have established it as normal and right and OK to be selfish about football. It isn't of course but unpicking that isn't going to happen overnight.

We live in a country where domestic abuse rises when England lose at the football, loosening the hold football has on societal norms is a herculean task.

[Elodiee]

Yes, very true. There are so many women/wives I know who accept this sort of thing as the norm.

Sometimes, I think some of my friends are just grateful to be married.

I get surprised at some of them, as they would consider themselves feminists, but I see a lot of them are taken advantage of.

[Zandathepanda]

Dh loves football and has watched it tonight with his 2 non-football mad daughters and they all made it a family event.

[buckeejit]

Sort of family event at our house, after 2 parties my whole family exited at 8pm so my dh could watch the football in peace. It was perfect!

My dh doesn't ask for much so we accommodate watching England when we can but it's not a top trumps card.

[StartingGrid]

DP stayed home with me every game so far, despite numerous attempts by friends to drag him out. They may take the piss out of him in his absence, but he doesn't care one bit!

[Just10moreminutesplease]

That’s not my experience at all. DH has watched all the games with me and our baby. We’ve hosted a few couple friends too.

If social media is anything to go by most of my friends are doing similar (apart from a football hating friend who has decreed that football games are the perfect bonding opportunity for her DH and daughter... she spends the match in a bath with a glass of wine ).

I think it must depend on your social circle to some extent.

[EL8888]

Yep, l completely agree. My exh was often keen to arrange weekends and holidays around football matches. I then suggested we do the same for sales e.g. the post-Christmas sales are great for bargains. So l didn’t want to be stuck at his parents, in the middle of nowhere and not near shops. I got told l was selfish and it’s not all about me. I said it’s the same as the organisation of things round football. He couldn’t tell me why it was different

[KatyaZamolodchikova]

DH and I are both football fans. We go out with mates together to watch footie and either watch at home with DSD or give her the option to stay at her mums (who doesn’t watch it) obviously with her mums agreement. What does bother me when we go out is that DH’s mates ask if I’m coming because if I am they’ll invite their partners on the basis their girlfriends will have me to chat too while they watch football. I’ve told DH multiple times that he needs to make them aware I am going to watch football and not have a chat. He says I’m being rude when I ignore the girlfriends mid-conversation when England are playing a great set piece or pushing on goal.

Why do they all assume I’m happy to chat my way through the game with other women because I’m a woman?

[greenlynx]

I also agree that it’s a selfish partner issue. We watched today’s game together as a family and will watch the next one together again. DH was also picking up DD from the activity as usual during one of the games, he was the only dad on the car park but he didn’t care, the second half was more exciting anyway.

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

Of course it's a man issue - do people think it's a coincidence that the selfish partners are always men?

I enjoy football but it is very much a "man's sport" and therefore has been elevated to be motte important than humans. People get cross about weddings interrupting their darling football - COVID rules have allowed 60,000 unmasked people to be stuffed together in Wembley and many more venues and pubs across the country.

This would NEVER happen if it was something relating to something that's traditionally women's enjoyment.

[Yolanda524]

I’d rather my oh go to the pub to watch it so I don’t have to watch it at home. I Hate the football but love most other sports I think it’s the culture surrounding it not the actual game

[NiceGerbil]

See also things like cycling, golf as hobbies.

Loads of men automatically feel that if something is important to them then they do it.

It ties in I suppose with a subconscious thing that house/ kids are women's work.

Society supports this by giving major Kudos to men who do housework, look after their own kids etc.

They are going above and beyond, doing something that is not their job.

[NiceGerbil]

On here the one that always shows this a lot is threads where there's a v young baby.

Woman says I'm exhausted he never helps etc.

First question+ does he work.

If yes- then his job is very important he needs his sleep. You're at home it's down to you. Give the poor fella a break!

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

I think it’s the culture surrounding it not the actual game

Yes!! I've always enjoyed the game itself, my dad took me from a young age when football was civil and fans were respectful. I enjoy watching it but the violent loutish culture of the fans has really spoiled it

[TabbyStar]

I hate football. I loved it originally but was excluded from the age of 11 because I was a girl, but our family weekends completely revolved around it and my DB's matches. Lots of shouting at the telly, though eventually my DB refused to play because of my DF's shouting at him. Even now 30-40 years later the minute I hear a football crowd I tense up and have a fear response.

[TheRosesOfSuccess]

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I think it’s the culture surrounding it not the actual game

Yes!! I've always enjoyed the game itself, my dad took me from a young age when football was civil and fans were respectful. I enjoy watching it but the violent loutish culture of the fans has really spoiled it

The most loutish behaviour I've ever encountered at sports events has been at cricket, on 3 occasions. That's despite going to many hundreds of football matches.

I'm not sure of your age, but past supporter behaviour was anything but civil or respectful, you only have to think back to why perimeter fences were put in. Football hooliganism of the 70s, 80s and 90s was so much worse than it is now. There is of course still some dreadful behaviour; drunk men in groups often equals violence as any Saturday night in a town will tell you. But football is not anything like as bad as it used to be

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

@TheRosesOfSuccess it's probably the rose tinted glasses of childhood

We always went to Leeds games in the late 80's, but did stop mid-90's because my dad said the violence began to escalate and it wasn't a place for children. But I don't recall anyone making monkey noises at black players, shouting abuse at players and the referee, looking for reasons why everything was unfair. We applauded when the other team scored, I'm not sure that kind of respect is in football these days. It seems to really be something of a pissing contest.

[lop124]

Without wishing to perpetuate the myth of us Brits being obsessed by class, I suspect this may be a factor. Lots of our friends like football (including us) but the men wouldn't contemplate leaving their kids to watch it in the pub. We had my parents over last night or would watch with friends at their house but together as a family or couple.

[Polkadotties]

I was sitting in the lounge the other night half watching the tennis, half on my phone. OH came in and turned the tv to the football, then proceeded to go on his phone.
I asked why he turned it over and he said I wasn’t watching it. I then said he isn’t watching the football either. Why does his want to have the football on overrule my want to have the tennis on.
He actually couldn’t answer for a few seconds and if definitely made him think.

[sunshineandshowers21]

other way round in our house. i go out to the pub to watch the football, he stays home and watches it on telly with the kids. i’m a football fan and he isn’t. if it was the other way round i’d have no problem with him going to watch it at the pub with his mates whilst i stayed home. the euros/world cup come around every two years for a few weeks, as long as the father is a present parent the rest of the time then i don’t see the problem with him ‘opting out’ for a couple of days a week during the duration of the tournament.

[TheRosesOfSuccess]

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@TheRosesOfSuccess it's probably the rose tinted glasses of childhood

We always went to Leeds games in the late 80's, but did stop mid-90's because my dad said the violence began to escalate and it wasn't a place for children. But I don't recall anyone making monkey noises at black players, shouting abuse at players and the referee, looking for reasons why everything was unfair. We applauded when the other team scored, I'm not sure that kind of respect is in football these days. It seems to really be something of a pissing contest.[/quote]
I suspect it is rose tinted childhood memories.

Racial abuse of black players was a huge issue in the 70s and 80s, there is no absolutely no comparison to now. I'm afraid banana throwing and monkey chanting was common among some sets of supporters then. I'm not sure if you still go to football regularly now, but that would be a rare occurrence these days, and the perpetrators would be tracked down (if possible) by CCTV, banned and potentially prosecuted.

And shouting at players and refs has always happened (sadly). As for applauding when the opposition scored, I've been watching football since the 70s all over the country and have never come across that

The mid 90s was a surprising time to stop watching because of violence. By then, hooliganism at football had decreased dramatically, apart from a few clubs eg Sunderland, and English clubs were allowed back into Europe as a result.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

selfish partner & dumbass friends issues

we both love football, in fact I watched almost all the games because DH was working.

I don't care about Premier league but will watch LFC games with DH and MUFC with DS2 so if they want to go to the pub for those there's no question about who stays home. but it's not because of sexism.
it's our default system that we are both happy with.
just as I couldn't give a shit about boxing so DH & his bestie go out to watch that too - or we pay for it and have friends round.
if it was important to me I'd go out, if equally important then we'd go out together or take turns.

and we don't have dickhead friends.🤷‍♀️

[MsMarvellous]

I agree with so much of what's been said. I am not a football fan. My husband likes to watch the game. If he wants to go out he checks it works for me and if not will watch at home. No hassle, no fuss, as life should be.

[MuddlingMackem]

TheRosesOfSuccess Sun 04-Jul-21 14:59:31

The mid 90s was a surprising time to stop watching because of violence. By then, hooliganism at football had decreased dramatically, apart from a few clubs eg Sunderland, and English clubs were allowed back into Europe as a result.

I have to query this, as I do not remember Sunderland as having a particular issue with hooligans in the 90s, and I've been a season ticket holder since 1992-93 season. What makes you say Sunderland specifically?