Fangsalot89 · 18/06/2021 20:32
So, generally I hate being called sweetheart, babe, darling or any of those sort of thing especially by a bloke and will often make a lighthearted comment about how it’s not ok to address me as such (I sound like the fucking Queen.)
Anyway, I’ve got a crush on my next door neighbour and he said “alright sweetheart” to me the other day and I felt pleased, smiled and went all coy.
Ridiculous. I’m a married woman of nearly 36!
Anyone else find their morals go out the window when in this sort of situation? 🤣
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2021 20:51
You hate being called those names because it's overfamiliar and sexes you where sex is irrelevant to the conversation.
With your neighbour you want to be familiar and you're glad he's noticed you're a woman.
The trick is how men are supposed to know which camp they're in before using the word. Best not to in most cases.
Eveniamcautious · 18/06/2021 21:19
My partner calls me "Beautiful " as a nickname. I bloody love it. But one of my service users called me "darling" the other day, and I had to stop talking and give him the Iron Look Of Doom until he went away.
Actually, I don't really care what sort of pet name people use for me, although I know it does matter to many women. I care how I am treated, how I am paid, and that male sex offenders are never, ever housed in female prisons.
MsMarvellous · 19/06/2021 07:33
Divorcing because of a crush. Jeez. Do some people not have human feeling. I adore my husband, love him to pieces, doesn't mean I haven't noticed the attractiveness of other men sometimes.
The truck there is not to accidentally let your clothes fall off.
OP - It's all about context isn't it. Lovely older man in corner shop calls me pet. No problem, he's kind, it's a local term for a lady, it means he likes you. It's not sexual or demeaning, he's just being polite.
Some bloke dismissing you out of hand in a "sit down and shut up sweetheart" type of way is totally demeaning.
TheQueef · 19/06/2021 07:58
I dread this.
As much as I learn about sexism I still can't get out of the habit.
Yorkshire dialect feels like the exception, I was out with my Dad (78 Yorkshireman) for a hospital appointment.
He used both love and flower to address the male doctor, cockle for the lady at the desk and knocker for the security guard.
I don't even hear it unless I deliberately listen out and my own terms of endearment go unchecked.
I worry I'm going to accidentally offend.
Imissmoominmama · 19/06/2021 08:06
I use sweetheart for both male and female… children.
I wouldn’t call an adult anything other than their name though, which on reflection, makes me a bit ageist.
I don’t really care what anyone else calls me though. I live in the NW where ‘love’ is a common greeting to all!
Babdoc · 19/06/2021 09:13
I come from seven generations of Geordies but was born and raised in London, then spent 36 years as a doctor in Scotland.
As a Geordie, I addressed anxious patients of either sex in the operating theatre as “pet”, but in a completely incongruous southern accent!
I think a female using such words is never demeaning or inappropriately sexual - we would never leer at a young man when using it. It’s purely motherly/reassuring.
But when a male uses it to a woman, all too often there is a nasty subtext of domination or sexual intent.
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