Dear Feminists: Be Meaner

[NonnyMouse1337]

Fantastic article that reflects views I've had for a long time. Always wished women would learn how to be more 'mean' and willing to centre women and women's rights instead of looking out for everyone else. We really won't get far unless this changes. Glad to see someone else articulate this so well.

theblisteringrebuttal.substack.com/p/4183e962-ded5-47f7-b89f-c49b9de6cbb5

[ArabellaScott]

@Wearywithteens

ArabellaScott - oh I see - you just counter all the messages with your own drip drip drip ideas to ensure your dd knows how to be assertive and knows her own worth. Giggling ponies won’t have any impact if she has her own strong personal boundaries.

On it!

[WoolOfBat]

Ah, back to discussing how girls should be encouraged to maintain all boundaries from a very early age!

Arabella, I think a constant drip is very useful. I heard a wonderful poem once which was written by a girl to her deceased dad. It said that “I don’t have to worry about you not helping me because you have already taught me so much, I have watched the world through your eyes” (bad translation, sorry).

I think that is we constantly reinforce our values and model them, our daughters will have a much better chance of defending themselves. Our sons will also pick up on this and hopefully be more respectful towards women.

[ArabellaScott]

This is good. (I post this site all the time, I find it has great advice on most topics)

'Teach your child that most people are okay, but there are a few people out there who do bad things, and could hurt her. She needs to be told explicitly that it is more important to stay safe and to trust herself than to be polite or nice. It is okay for her to question, disobey, and even run away from someone whose behavior is making her acutely uncomfortable. '

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/safety/top_safety_tips_kids

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

Healthy boundaries are so important for girls and young women.

[334bu]

“If you are uncertain about what you can say to a female colleague, just don’t say anything you wouldn’t be comfortable with hearing from a 6 foot 5 rugby player you were sharing a double cell with in prison”.
👋👋👋👋👋
Should be first thing taught in any class about consent

[Ereshkigalangcleg]

Spectacular piece from Glosswitch which covers the #bekind and be silent pressure on women:

tinyletter.com/Glosswitch/letters/the-ok-karen-33-you-should-feel-bad

[ErrolTheDragon]

Thanks - and there's another piece linked from that which seems relevant to this thread. glosswatch.medium.com/on-being-too-clever-to-pick-a-side-641f7a8fe535

[DextrousCT]

Teach your children two things:
-Teach them to be sceptical of social norms (in age-appropriate fashion)
-Teach them not consume mass media.

Explain why we want certain behavior in certain settings. Not just what behavior but why. Explain the rationale behind social expectations and decide together which ones are useful. The Tragedy of the Commons is very useful if taught at an early age. Be open about adult hypocrisy. Explain peer pressure early so they are armed against it. Explain the imperative of DNA to replicate itself so they have some armor against precocious sexual expression. (My SIL thought I was 'awful, don't I want them to have love in their lives?' My DSs have found partners whose attraction is personality and intellect not flash.)

If you allow them access to media, teach them to be critical. Explicitly teach them about marketing, manipulation, capitalism, wanting to exploit others for profit both financial and social, people with low self-esteem who try to feel better by putting others down, similarities and differences between cultural groups that others value or despise.

Teach them CRITICAL and analytical thinking. Start this as early in their lives as possible. You will end up with children who don't immediately react but think first about underlying causes. Yes you have to teach them coping and retaliatory mechanisms in addition. But they will be more satisfied with their handling and have better outcomes if they understand why Richard is being a dick and Catherine is being catty.