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*TW: Sexual abuse* Was I abused as a child?

31 replies

Hlucy · 29/01/2023 09:38

This may be a bit of a long read so I'm grateful to anyone who gets to the end and can respond.
As a child, my parents used one of my dad's pupils as a baby sitter. She lived locally to us. Her step dad was the local pharmacist and loved by everyone in the community, especially my parents.
I must have been about 6 and leading up to the night I worry about, the step dad started including me in lovely family outings and treats. My parents had organised a party so arranged for me to stay overnight at the babysitters house. I remember feeling so excited. When they dropped me off, it was just the step dad there and he said that the baby sitter and her mum would be arriving soon which they never did.
At first everything seemed great. He put Disney films on. Then he suddenly seemed to be different and I felt scared. The rest of the night and only remember in freeze frames. I have a memory of him sitting in an arm chair and watching something and doing something that I didn't understand. Then I remember lying in bed and him standing in the door way and I felt frozen with terror. I have a hazy memory of a shower room too.
The next morning, my mum picked me up and I recall her telling me off for not thanking him.
There's weird stuff from then on that I feel embarrassed about. I developed a strange getting to sleep strategy whereby I'd imagine scenes of people having sex, quite graphic. I have no idea how I'd even know about this as a 6 year old. But it seemed to calm me down. As a teenager, I was terrified of boys putting their fingers inside me and this continued into adulthood.
For context, the man in question was arrested and jailed a few years after the night in question for sexual abuse to boys ,not girls. At the time, my mum said 'phew, we had a lucky escape there".
I don't know exactly what I'm wanting. I think I'm probably over thinking and just need to move on from it. I don't understand why it keeps popping into my head. Maybe because I'm a mum. I'm 40 now so it's a long time ago.
I can't afford private therapy and feel like a therapist would think i was ridiculous anyway, basing my fears on vague hazy memories. Plus people go through a lot worse. But I do have issues with trust and anxiety etc.
If you've read all this, thank you so much!

OP posts:
SocialLite · 29/01/2023 11:11

In the gentlest way possible, you really need therapy x

Most areas have self referral mechanisms now, I work in a similar field, if you'd like help finding somewhere, feel free to send me a pm of the town/nhs authority you live in.

Allytheapple · 29/01/2023 11:14

A few things, paedophiles are opportunists so the sex of the child even where there is a preference is not set. They will typically progress from abusing women to girls and boys. You certainly have reactions that suggest some form of abuse. I had a similar sleep method that was definitely caused by abuse in my case and some of the flashback stuff sounds familiar too.

I think EMDR could really help here. Apparently speaking too much about the trauma can cause retraumatisation so you might consider looking for a trauma informed therapist who can help you decide your next steps. Sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. Mind yourself. X

Eyesopenwideawake · 29/01/2023 14:00

YoBeaches · 29/01/2023 10:02

It wouldn't be unusual at all for you to have blocked memories, or forgotten them as you weren't old enough to understand what they were to process them.

Therapy would be useful. Hypnotherapy might recover the memories. Would you feel happy to report it?

Is there anyone in real life you can share this with?

As a hypnotherapist I would not try to recover blocked memories; our memories are unreliable at the best of times and even more so when there's been a traumatic event.

I would work with the subconscious mind and ask it to let go of the trauma because there will never be a satisfactory explanation or resolution. Our subconscious minds are always looking for the best strategy for the most happiness. In this case, when there's no chance of discovering what happened and why it happened, letting it go is the best option.

Intriguedbythis · 29/01/2023 16:10

God I am so sorry that sounds utterly awful. To me it sounds deeply odd and I recommend, if you are able, to confide in a trusted loved one / friend to decide your next move or perhaps counselling x

caramac04 · 29/01/2023 16:45

I agree with @Eyesopenwideawake , using hypnotherapy to recover memories won’t help. A skilled hypnotherapist can help you release the memory and also the anger you feel without having to remember the actual traumatic event.
It can help you to ‘stop picking the scab’.

biedrona · 29/01/2023 18:26

kitchenSink5 · 29/01/2023 11:10

This book is excellent!

Also there are some very good points to think about on this page:

jimhopper.com/topics/child-abuse/recovered-memories-of-sexual-abuse/personal-questions/

very interesting link, thank you

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