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My sobbing panic attack.

1 reply

maltesers · 06/07/2010 09:59

My 19 yr old DD has been at University for a year now and home for the summer holidays.
We both spent 2 days moving her stuff out of Uni yesterday and drove home here for the summer.
It was hard work she had so many belongings.
We finally fell out in the car driving back.
The main bone of contention is that she is not budgeting right and has needed so much help to pay her rent.
She can be rude, disrespectful and unkind to me.
I know she has suffered with my two relationship breakdowns through her childhood and blames me for her parents divorce when she was 3yrs.
I am happier now than i have been in 20 yrs but her attitude in general worries me, as she can be so tough skinned and rude. Her last three years at home before Uni were an awful Teen Terror from Hell !!.
However, i have seen her more smiley and fun loving this year.
I have tried very hard to be there so much for her and support her now she has left home, as her father emotionally, doesnt bother much at all.
This hurts her i know.
I showed my utter disgust at her rudeness and antagonism yesterday and finally cracked up saying how upset i was .
I started crying, asking her how she could be so unkind and rude to me.
I shocked myself by sobbing and sobbing so much and then started to loose by breath and gasp for loss of air, like some hysterical nutcase. I dont know why, except that i love her dearly and care so much. She looked in utter horror and felt awkward. She thinks i am a total nutcase i think. I feel a fool and looked weak. I dont know why i broke down so badly, as I have been so much stronger and settled in the last 2 years and she knows i am happier with a good,kind man by my side.
I tried to talk afterwards, and she started crying, saying how this last year she has tried to get over her father not being there for her, and her parents not raising her as one family together. She always tells me everything when at college and texts and calls me a lot.
I feel so sorry for her. I dont know how to put our relationship right. Why did i have such a bad Meltdown.? This has not made her feel very secure. I feel so bad.

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 06/07/2010 10:31

Sorry you were left so shaky by this meltdown - it sounds like it was long overdue though!

And at 19 she is old enough that she should be able to take this without fallingapart.

It sounds classic and to an extent 'normal' - in terms of the guilt and blame over the breakdown of your marriage to her dad, the loss of her relationship with her dad and the pain that will have caused her.

Make the most of her being home and being grown up - propoose a few 'dates' - lunches or walks or seaside trips and TALK about what happened when you split, how it makes her feel that dad doesn't bother, how bad you feel for putting her through this when she was young. And grow together.

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