Lonely and don't want to go home

[MadasaChatter]

I am 13 weeks pregnant so this maybe should be in the pregnangcy section but don't want to bring all the happy mothers to be down.

I have a history of depression but have been pretty much ok (apart from the odd bereavement or work pressures that are understandable) for about 4 years.

Now I am finding it really tough I work from home with my DH but we work 16 hour days and I have been struggling since getting pregnant.

I am miles from my friends and don't have a car. My DH and I hardly see each other despite living and working in the same house. We work hard but as we are a new business don't pay ourselves very much and have no disposable income.

Me and my DH had a row last week he went off in the car and I got 3 trains to travel back to my Mums. Now I don't want to go home and I can't stop crying I don;t know what to do.

I am exhausted all the time and keep getting headaches I feel bad for putting extra pressure on my DH but I don't want to see him. I have no network of support at home but can't stay at my mums forever.

I love the baby would never do anythign to harm it but I feel like that is the only thing sto[ping me from doing something stupid I just want to have it and run away

You are at a very vunerable time of life and it shouldn't be underestimated. First time pregnant women have alot of pressures. Your expected to carry on your normal life while your body is changing dramatically and your hormones are running wild.
For your sake and for your babies sake you must spell out to your DH how you are feeling. You must be the priority. It goes against what we normally feel. That we should shut up and put up, think how lucky we are.
Find a local NCT or LaLeche League group and start going every week. Make the time. Other pregnant women as friends is what you need.
What's going to happen work wise when the baby comes?

Hi there. Don't know how helpful I can be, but couldn't just read and run. All I would say to you is dont make any big decsions right now, try and give yourself a break. If that means staying at your mums a bit longer then maybe you should. At least you dont have a boss to have to explain it all to eh, see giving yourself a bit of time off as a perk of self employment. I understand the financial pressures only too well, but your wellbeing is just more important right now.

Its very hard. I have suffered from depression and anxiety throughout my pregnancy (now 26weeks) and if I could do it all again I'd have given myself more of a break and allowed myself time to deal with my feelings at the beginning. You are massively hormonal and physically exhausted at your stage and everything can be so overwhelming, especially if like me you've been depressed in the past. I also found it put huge strain on my relationship, and if I'd had a mum to run away to I most certainly would have.

I felt this huge pressure to carry on "as normal" when I was at your kind of stage and I realise now I should have put myself first, and I wish I had because nothing is worth being really stressed for while you are pregnant and I'm only just starting to recover now as a result. I felt like I couldnt admit I was struggling so much but I have since found out that loads of women have a very hard time emotionally in pregnancy.

Please give yourself a break and dont make the mistakes I made, put you and baby first and take some time out to have a physical and emotional rest if you need it. I really wish you all the best.

Thanks for your advice sorry you've been through so much lelarose
Don't know what will happen when the baby comes my DH had always thought I would have a few weeks off then go back to normal he is only just realising that this won't be possible and he isn't coping with the added stress very well getting really angry at the slightest thing which is making me more introverted and feel I can't talk to him.
I have friends at my mums who have been supportive but if I go home I am completely alone I can have a look for groups when I get back but where we live having no car causes me some issues but hopefully there will be something in walking distance. I know there are mother and baby groups and felt when the baby comes I could join those but I need help now.
I love my DH very much but right now I can't face him I just get more upset and am crying all the time.

I woun't be using this forum anymore as I find the people that run 8it are full of it I'll deal with this on my own