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How crap is this?

5 replies

TheJollyPirate · 04/07/2010 20:26

My exH and I have been separarted for over 2 years now and still ahve not made the break properly - when I say "properly" i mean we have b ot divorced. We live 180 miles apart and ex sees our DS when he is working in this area (which to be fair is at least monthly). He has not moved on npor met anyone new and neither have I. ExH has disclosed that he went out for lunch with someone who appeared "interested" but who has not called him since. I think it's safe to assume though that had she shown interest he would have gone off with her.

All this is background really to my crap self-esteem at present. Our DS has ASD and ADHD - he is 7.5 and VERY hard work psychologically and emotionally as well as physically at times. The past few weeks have been very difficult and I could do with a break if I am honest.

I have booked 2 weeks off of work in August and am having a few days away with my sister and some friends just camping about an hour away from here. The children can play and the adults can relax and I am so looking forward to some adult company.

Anyhow - exH is now talking about going on holiday the second week - all three of us in a static caravan or something. Tbh I actually felt a delight and it's nothing to do with exH but more to do with having some adult company and support with DS. I am tempted to tell him to take DS away with him so that I can have a few days to myself.

I am so low at the moment that everything is just hard work, I have an appointment to see my GP but she's on holiday this week so won't be seeing her till next week. I am on Venlafaxine (past 3 years) and cannot get off it but no longer feel it works. In addition staying on top of the housework is a nightmare (as it has always been) and I am about to approach a psychiatrist to discuss ADHD (I was back and forth to psychologusts as a child in the 70s) as I fit all the criteria for it.

In short I feel crap.
I am sick of feeling like this.
I am sick of everyone telling me how to manage DS "you need a routine" - I just want to reply "well fuck me so I do but that requires organization which I am utterly crap at and in any case I DO have a routine of sorts for bedtime (DS's worst time oif day) but it involves repeatedly taking him back to bed until he falls asleep - usually around 10.30pm but on bad nights like last night it's midnight or beyond"!

I am seeing a solicitor in August (earliest appt I could get) to discuss divorce and am panicking about how much it will cost. I may be entitled to legal help as I get working tax credit but because I also get DLA I am betting it will put me above the criteria for this "legal help"

Feel like shit to be honest. I mean how crap isn it that I should feel enthusiasm for a family trip away with an exDH who ran up massive phone bills from his chat line addiction?

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 04/07/2010 21:15

Hiya - can't offer you much right now, but I AM a Legal Aid lawyer. If it would help you to know whether you qualify use this calculator

Any problems ask

jaffacake2 · 04/07/2010 21:17

Sorry that you are feeling so low and can really understand why you would want to have a break with your ex and child. Just be aware of your feelings and where this could be heading,wouldnt like to see you get hurt.

Its hard working and being a single parent,I have done this for 10 yrs sending my daughters yearly to see their father and his new family in the states.It still hurts me and I miss him,inspite of him being a pain in the arse. When you have loved someone its hard to stop. Try and be kind to yourself.Take up or ask for support from family and friends,your son can have other people in his life and you will get a needed break.

My divorce costs were minimal as the judge put all costs to my ex as he left us.

Hope you feel stronger soon. A friend told me once, breathe in breathe out with small footsteps forward, thats how I survived not pushing too hard.

TheJollyPirate · 05/07/2010 06:27

Thank you for your responses and thank you willsurvivethis for that link. It says I am not elibible for legal help, however, it didn't ask me about things like council tax - only rent so will see what they say when I go.

Will breathe in and out and keep taking those small steps....

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 05/07/2010 13:38

Jolly council tax is not taken into consideration so it was right not to ask you that..

TheJollyPirate · 05/07/2010 21:06

Oh crap! Am possibly looking at a biggish bill then. Might put off the divorce in that case. We are already living apart so it's not imperative that I do it right now.

OP posts:
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