Struggling to cope with baby.

[nickytwotimes]

Lovely ds 2 born 26th may.
Since he was born I have said something was wrong. Turns out he has pretty bad silent reflux and has spent the first few weeks of his life in a lot of discomfort and pain and screaming.
He is on treatment which is helping but it is still not great and he is hard work. The sleep deprivation is not the big issue - I am exhausted from watching him in so much discomfort.
DH is a teacher adn so he is awound too, but I am still finding it so hard to watch him hurting and his continual struggle to feed and to sleep. Every day seems endless and miserable.

I don't have any experience with reflux Nicky, but I couldn't not post.

I know how difficult it is to see your child in pain and distressed, but just you being there is a comfort to him that can't be given by anyone else. You will all get through this, it's difficult and horrible at times, but you will get through it.

Have a cry and a rant whenever you need to, it's healthy and will help you.

It is really hard when your baby suffers - nothing prepares you for it. Been there don't like the t-shirt but got it anyway. Not with reflux, but with seizures as a newborn and then colic for three months - screaming from 5pm until 11pm every night, desperate to feed, constantly latching on, taking three sucks, falling off screaming repeat every 5mins for 6 hours...

Hold on to the fact that your baby does derive comfort from your presence. Try to rest together, have him nap on you, do skin to skin if it suits you. Your smell, heart beat and voice are all very important to him.

It will get better1

Nicky I posted on another thread of yours about reflux. I felt the same way about both of mine -the constant screaming is really debilitating. I don't know about you but I found the fact that the feeding is difficult really affected my mental health - normally feeding is the lovely bonding process where all the endorphins get released. I got a nightmare fight every 2 hours. After the feed they were worse.

I thought I was getting PND then I realised I just needed the reflux to be gone. THings that helped (apart from reflux meds): sling, lots and lots of walks with them propped up in the pram or in the sling, ipod in my ears a lot, a musical toy to distract when feeding. I think without the sling we would've had massive bonding problems. I used to just kiss him all the time when he was asleep in it - that was the only time I kissed him because when he wasn't asleep he was screaming! Don't feel bad about breaking all 'the rules' re naps, having TV on for yourself and stuff. I really feel for you - DS1 was a lot better around 3 months, DS2 more gradual around 5 months.

What drugs is he on at the moment?

poor all of you, hope it gets better soon xxx

Take any opportunity you get to do nice things for yourself - a soak in the bath, a walk on your own etc when your DH is home. As others have said, nap when you can and get any help with the housework that you can so you're not worrying about mess etc when you need to be resting.

Thank you for your posts.
Yes, feeding is a nightmare. It is like a wrestling match. I feel like I am poisoning him as he gets so upset during and after feeds.
He is on Gaviscon and Ranitidine. Only a week so far though.
Also I am on a dairy free diet, but only since Monday.
I know he will be getting some kind of comfort from my presence and dh's too. I feel so bloody helpless and hopeless. And I feel I have been cheated of this time too. I just want to fast forward. I know that it could be much worse - he will be fine in time and he is gaining weight, etc - but watchign the pain is awful.

Must add, I apologise if I do nto rply very quickly - taking ds in shifts.

Poor you - glad to hear DH is around
Is there anyone else who can help too?

Hi I had a very similar experience with my little boy.... Back arching, screaming, not settling, about an he to get wind up and settle etc. We took him to the hospital in the end and they put him on domperidine and ranatadine. It made a bit of a difference and cos he was gaining some weight the medical profession were not worried. After 2 weeks on the meds we took him back, and it was suggested that we should maybe consider taking him off the Breast and putting him on milk substitute (neocate) it worked a treat and it turned out as well as reflux he was allergic to dairy( even the small amount found in breast milk!!!!) he is two now and 4 months ago had a blood test to check as we had kept him dairy free and sure enough he is allergic. I really hope things settle for you soon, the best advice a feeing gave to me as the whole sleep deprivation and watching my son in pain really got to me too.... Was get up shower and get dressed and eat something ( even just a banana) then face each day one at a time. It will get better a promise zxx

Ok Nicky as you probly know ranitidine can take 2 weeks to show results (the damage has got to heal first) and it can take a couple of weeks to get dairy out of the system. So you know in a week or so things could be a whole lot better. And if they're not, take him back to the doctor, ask for a bigger dose, ask for domperidone, ask for a paed referral- it helps you feel better to try and help him even if none of these things work.

YY to feeling cheated. Basically want to fast forward the first six months with all of them. Its putting me off having a 3rd baby knowing that 6 months of family life will have to be written off. When I hear another newborn cry a chill runs down my spine, and I'm probly the only person who feels sorry for people who are about to have a new baby.

You're a better person than me btw- I never thought either of mine were lovely before 6 months!

Thanks.
Had a good day today after ending up at hospital yesterday as he was in so much pain.
GOing back Thursday, but hopefully today's improvement will continue.