want to help my friend

[dylsmum1998]

my friend has been suffering depression since having her baby last year, she has been on meds and none seem to be helping her, she has just text me to say the docs have admitted her to hospital yesterday

Does anyone have any advice for how I can help her, am at a loss what to do to help

Just be there for her when you can. Does she have a partner? I am sorry to hear she's been admitted to hospital but hopefully she will now get the treatment she needs. GPs tend to offer standard anti-depressants (trying up to two SSRIS usually - a type of AD) and if they don't work will refer on to a mental health team. Did this happen to your friend?

yes she has been seeing the mental health team for a while, they keep giving her diff meds cos none seem to be working. she has had counselling, been seeing a psychotherapist.

Am struggling with how admitting her to hosp, and seperating her from her children helps though. Especially with the things she texting me about other patients etc.
She says the docs want to change her meds and have admitted her to keep an eye on side effects and monitor her weight ( she wasa size zero before having the baby, and is tonnes slimmer now).

She has a husband who is looking after the children while she is there, luckily he has a few weeks holiday at the moment from work. Have asked her to pass on my number to him so that I can help out with the children so he can visit her.

thank you, but I am feeling a bit useless. Have been feeling it for a while because I can see she isn't herself and I can't make it better. Now feeling even more useless and really want to help.

I don't fully understand how she is feeling having not felt as low as she s myself, hence posting here to see if there is something that I won't have thought of to try and help her.

Your offer of childcare will be much appreciated I'm sure. Ikwym about being separated from her h and baby - it's awful But a ward consultant usually has their finger on the pulse in terms of drug therapy and in your friend's case they may explore other types of treatment if pharmacology is ineffective. Her weight situation sounds worrying and I guess they have weighed up the pros and cons of admitting her to hospital and must have thought on balance that it was safest if she was admitted.
It's perfectly ok not to understand how your friend is feeling - I'm sure she would much rather know you are trying to understand or even just being there for her, than expecting you to know how she feels. I do this for a living and I still don't know how people feel when they are clinically depressed, but I do my best to try to understand and to listen and give support. That is enough for your friend - honestly

Thank you for your replies, you're right about the hosp only seperating them after serious thought, it just seems so harsh, and something I know would be very likely to send me over the edge myself.

Her weight is very worrying, I have mentioned it to her, she says she didn't think she had lost that much. The last lot of medicatioin she was on affected her appetite a lot so that hasn't helped. We often go to an all you can eat chinese place for lunch and a chat she barely touched last time we went; which is when I voiced my concerns about her weight.

I'm feeling a little better, as I have arranged childcare for my dc so I can go and see her tomorrow evening. Will be able to chat properly then, I hadn't spoken to her all this week as she had gone on hols with her dh and children so was a shock when her text came through to tell me she was in hosp.

went to see my friend last night, great to see her, awful to see her so frightened of the other people on ward with her

Double as her husband just dropped of baby for me to look after for a few hours and we had a chat before he left, friend had told me she was taken in to settle her onto new meds etc. She left out the bit about going to commit suicide hours before being taken in .
am glad she phoned her HV before she did, and hv talked her round and got her to hosp.

its all such a mess for her

Is there a visitors room there where she can spend some time with h and the baby? Most wards have such a place but it might need to be booked in advance. It probably is a very frightening place for your friend but it will hopefully get a bit less scary for her as she gets to know the nurses and some of the patients (not all of them will be scary!).

yes ladylush, her H has just explained there is a room which needs to be booked and there is also a garden area where he can take the children to see her while she gets the help she needs. Although she is very upset as she was under the impression she was coming home today but she is not. Her H is much happier now he has spoken with the ward manager and has had several things explained to him, that were causing him concern earlier.

We are not sure exactly how long she is going to be there, but he has been told the holiday they have booked for in a fortnight isn't out of the question, it depends how she goes. Fingers crossed for them

Ah that's good They will probably try her on day leave followed by overnight leave before saying yes to the holiday. I hope she is able to go (mental state permitting). Does your friend like magazines? I'd recommend you take some as they go missing on the wards (staff and patients nick them!)and maybe suduko or crossword book?

yes she does, I know she has some boooks and puzzle books there now, but thanks for the heads up- will keep her stock replenished.

I hope she can go on the hols, I think it will be something good for her to get better for IYSWIM as it is something they have been planning for ages and would be a shame (although perfectly understandable!) if they were unable to go

Yes ikwym - was going to say the same thing about the holiday being an incentive for her but didn't want it to seem as if I was trivialising her illness. However, these things can focus the mind a great deal

What happened re the holiday?

sorry just found your post,thanks for asking

she was allowed home on Tuesday this week so she can go on holiday. Am so pleased for her. I've not been to see her since home from hospital as wanted to give her and her family space to settle back into things. But have spoken on phone, apart from being messed around by the crisis team not coming out to her when they have arranged everytime so far she is doing ok.

We are meeting for lunch tomorrow so will get proper chat then.

That's great news