How do I cope with my anger?

[Fuse]

I have a beautiful dd who is nearly one and she is a lovely baby. I have always had a bit of a short fuse, but recently and it always coincides with my periods I feel so angry. Yesterday was my birthday and my dp took the day off work so we could all go out, but my dd whinged most of the day. Today I was taking her to the childminders to settle her in as I am going back to work soon.- I was planning to take her after her nap, but she decided she did not want a nap and just screamed and screamed when I put her into the cot. My temper flared up and I felt like i could have slapped her ( I didn't ), but did get cross with her. I feel like a criminal now - what triggered it off sounds so trivial when I am writing this, after all it was just a nap and she is a baby. When I went out I felt dreadful and had to stop myself from bursting into tears. I feel like an awful mother. Am I dpressed? I don't have a very good doctor and don't feel comfortable talking to him, but I am worried about myself and my feelings. Most of the time I am a happy person - I have a lovely dp and my duaghter is a joy. Any friendly advice appreciated - I feel like i need someone to talk to - but feel so ashamed.

It sounds like you really need to see a gp. If you don't like yours can you change doctors?

Hi Fuse,
I have no experience in this or advice to give but let's keep bumping your post - I'm sure there are other MN's who can give you some advice

Happy belated birthday by the way!

I think a good chat to DP would be good, I have days where my temper just goes (usually over trivial things) and then I burst into tears but I do find talking helps - even if it sounds silly. Maybe you could start with "I'm feeling very stressed today" and see if there are any things that DP can do to support you.

I also find crying helps (that must sound strange) I feel like I have a thunderstorm in my head and a good cry helps clear it (I used to find this helped with migraine too).

I think the (small) difference between how I feel and depression (which I have had) is that I don't have an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I just have moments when too many things are happening at once and I just want to stop.

Could you also look into homeopathy, if it's round your period - poss. evening primrose or a bach rescue remedy?

Hope these few ideas are some help, Mia

i used to frequently walk out of the room rather than do something stupid. i felt that i shouldhave been a better mum and a better person and teh catholic in me kept saying " but you re so lucky - you should feel ashamed of yourself. all those people who are more worse off than you!" however i came to a realisation that sometimes i just lost the plot. sometimes i still do lose the plot. you reacted in what seems an appropriate way.

Thanks for replies - interesting that you should mention catholicism - I was brought up a catholic (though bailed out) but have the same thoughts as you mentioned. I think what I find hard is that my father had a real temper and would lash out at us as kids and I don't want to end like him

Fuse.. just had exactly (almost) the same thing. I feel like PND has snuck up on me at 8 months and bitten me on the bum so to speak. I know how you feel.

I got in touch with my health visitor. She came round to see me and was really lovely and understanding and supportive (which was the main thing for me really). She told me it was incredibly common - even at this late stage.

I've just been to pick up my "short course" of anti-depressants today. Got to admit, I'm still just look at the box, wondering whether to or not.

Just posting this so you know its normal and common and you are not alone or going mad - so talk to me if you want

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Serah - thank you for making me feel I am not alone with these issues
lynny70 - your message made me cry - yes going back to work is going to be such a wrench for me -and my mind is very busy with those worries. I guess I feel pretty needy at the moment. My partner came home early from work as I rang him and sobbed over the phone. I am my biggest critic unfortunately and at times I let that side get the better of me. Although I talk to my partner regularly about stuff - I don't think he really gets what I mean.

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Hope you are ok Fuse. Smiling at you saying that your DP doesn't really get what you mean - join the club once again!

When speaking to my health vistor about these issues, she suggested that this is part and parcel of my anger and frustration that I am currently feeling... the fact that DP is unable to listen or understand what I am communicating to him.

I think it is just often a screaming baby that becomes the catalyst for feelings of anger to emerge. Most of the time, I supress my frustration and anger at DP as I am ususally too busy to address it, and once the moment has gone there seems little point going over old ground. It is when I am tired, and feeling out of my depth, or just needing a moment to myself that on that particular day DS has not allowed that it comes out.

Are you having to suppress your true feelings over something - perhaps about going back to work?

Thanks for your supportive messages lynny70 and Serah. It is so good to be able to air anxieties without worrying about what people might think. I do have a problem with being angry and feeling that is ok - my mother had a wierd way of dealing with my anger when I was a child and these issues surface now I am a mum.
Sareh hopw you are doing ok. best wishes to you both

I'm doing OK thanks Fuse

Its always weird the way things come back to haunt you, isn't it? I think recognising it is a pretty major step in the right direction though.

My HV suggested screaming into a pillow if I felt like it. Told her I already had, and it felt great!!!

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