tired of walking on eggshells - is he depressed or having a breakdown or...

[dotterel]

...?

Am a long-time MNetter - changed for obvious reasons.

Have been happily married for years and years.
DH stopped smoking a month ago and has seemingly had a personality transplant.
we are hideously linked in terms of when he gets a bit down, I get a bit down and vice versa....But this is like nothing I have exoeriencde before.
He broke down crying the other night for no reason.
he is constantly criticising the children, shouting, exploding...being sarky, snappy...

We 'celebrated;' a milestone anniverary last week - it was awful. I got a bit upset bec\ue I felt a bit taken for granted and like he has forgotton who I am. I think I had unrealistic expectations and was disappointed, But he reacted against my low mood and was vile.
I tried to arange a nice meal out, which he carped about and totally wrong footed me.
He is drinking too much.

I sggested we go away for the weekend this weekend to mark our anniversary. I thought we had a nice time, but all the way home he was surly and snappy. He said his head hurt. He had to pull over at one point.
He came home, drank 2 glasses of wine, watched the footy, then stormed out of the house without telling me and sat int he garden alone for over an hour. I didn't know where he was for ages.
He then came in the house as if nothing had happened, while I put everything away, and then sparked out asleep on the bed. He is still asleep.

I want to tell him how changeable he is. how hard it is for me and the boys to work out what mood he is in. How he makes us all feel when he rejects the boys (one son is 12 and I am scaed dh is driving him away ) How hard is is for me to try and make everything ok all the time.

I m so tired and scared.

We had a terrible year last year and then things improved dramatically. It's almost like we srvived the earthquake but have been knocked to our feet by the aftershock.

what do I do>?

Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Have you mentioned the behaviour to your dh? Is it linked to the nicotine withdrawal, do you think? Sounds abit like he's replacing the cigarettes with alcohol if you say he has started drinking a lot more? Could it be after-effects of the difficult time you've had recently?
Sorry I'm not much help, but not really sure what to advise.

maybe I ought to have put this in Relationships?

Piggy, we talked a bit last week because I want to know if it was something I had done/was doing.
He said not and we had a pretty good covo, which I thought really cleared the air. But during the past week, it has all crept back.

I gave up smoking a year or so ago, I remember being crabby but this is ridiculous...

I think he is depressed but I'm not sure why. There is no obvious trigger and he doesn't have a history of depression.

Yes you might get more of a response if this board is a bit quiet. I don't want to comment on whether he is having a breakdown/depressed etc as I'm not an expert, but there is clearly something wrong if his behaviour has changed so negatively. Are there any problems/stresses at work?

well, he works alone a lot, which is Not Good in my experience.

You said you had just come through a difficult year? Could that have sparked it off? I suppose it could be that even though the conversation cleared the air then he is still a bit on edge or overwhelmed by things? Would he consider relate or family therapy if his behaviour is affecting your son too? Does he realize how he is behaving towards your children?