somatisation disorder and depression

[puddinmama]

Hi

Ok I am really writting here because I am pretty desperate and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Basically all my life I have been a full time carer to my mum, she has had a range of illnesses over the years, inlcuding MS apparently. I remember when I was 9 she was walking on sticks, and then at other times she had giant wheels on her arms from erythem...something or other, over the years I have heard so many different diagnosis

MS
SPongylitis
Angliodema
Endometriosis
Cytic Fibrosis (don't ask, haven't a clue)
ME
Chrons disease
Colitis
Osteoporosis
prolapsed spine discs
herniated discs
root nerve compression

to name just a few, anyway I'm grown up now and married and it seems that now the doctors are saying she has a somatisation disorder. At this moment in time she is awaiting a repair job to be done on her bladder, she has to self catheterise and we make weekly trips to a and e where they just give her morphine and send her home and this is exhausting. I was with her at the gp yesterday and when I asked should my mums pain be the way it is, the gp just said straight 'no', and again her mobility should be the way it is. The neurologist diagnosed a somatisation disorder as they could find no physical basis for her illnesses and he has referred her to a psychiatrist. I just dont know what to do for her, she cries all the time, she is on huge doses of morphine to control her pain as apparently no amount of pain relief will work for her or so she says. She has no life just sits at home for days and months on end, I do everything for her, cooking, cleaning, every day I sort out my own house and kids and then leave and go round to help her or just sit with her. I dont want her to be like this her whole life, when I was younger because I was a child she had no other choice but to push herself as she had me and my bro, but now that we're old enough to do everything for her she seems to have just make herself incapable of functioning in normal life.

My mum is also on huge doses of anti depressent, she wont sleep at night, and its really getting me down, my brother just recently had a nervous breakdown over all the stress put on him. I am trying to encourage her to seek help but it seems that she has this hope that she will go in for her operation and everything else will just go away. Also she keeps insisting that she needs a stoma bag, when she doesnt need one at all he surgeon told me she doesnt need one.

Can anyone explain this to me, or does anyone have something the same as my mum, I need to understand and no one will explain anything to me, the gp wont deal with anything until after this operation.

thanks

I am not a psychologist but I think it does sound like there is a large psychological element to your DM's condition. Any illness, real or "imagined", has a pyschological impact, and it seems like over the years your DM has come to believe she is genuinely ill, and developed the symptoms to match, despite the doctors finding no organic cause.

There are treatments for this disorder (it's called Conversion Disorder) most involving some kind of psychotherapy possibly coupled with physiotherapy and occupational therapy. Hypnosis may also be effective as part of the treatment programme.

There is more information on the internet. Look under Conversion Disorders on a medical website.

I do hope you find the right help for your DM. It must be so hard for you and your brother.

Hi

thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I am basically desperate right now, and so down about life and everything in general. I appreciate your reply.

You poor thing, your mum needs loads of help, but yes from a psychiatrist not a neurologist - if she doesn't get a referral son keep presing for one. In the meantime you might need to occasionally say i'm sorry i can't come over tonight and allow her to see that the world won't come t an end if she's on her own. loads of ((( ))) and you are a star.

Thanks again for the reply, it means alot, like you mentioned I need to try and get some balance in my life right now, I'm so down and I don't want to go onto antidepressants again as I know that they aren't going to do me much good with the way life is right now. I just feel guilty constantly, about so many things, my husband and kids have this depressed woman who will clean up, cook and then head round to do the same in her mums and then when I get back its around 11 at night sometimes and I'm just so drained mentally from being around my mum for the whole day. It's like a full time job, with daily overtime except I don't get paid.

sorry I'm just venting here but thanks again

You've had some great advice and I just want to add one further bit - she sounds very lonely and isolated and if she had more to do (a group to join for example) then it might help too.

That's a very hard situation to be in and I think you need to make sure you get the support you need. It's also hard not feel resentful.

I was hospitalised for a month last year with a conversion disorder. The symptoms are real, but tests all come back negative but it's still there. The pain I was in was phenomenal, I would literally black out and the morphine barely touched it.

Conversion disorders are relatively common but widely underdiagnosed. GPs often feel very much out of their depth here. However treatment can be very successful (it has been with me, mine was a result of PTSD from an abusive childhood and then my abusive ex).

Read up about it and make sure there is a psych referral in the system. Good luck.

Hi

Thank you Queen for sharing that with me, I am trying my best to be as understanding as I can be and I'm hopeful that my mum will start to make progress. Can I ask you what your treatment involved, I understand if you dont want to talk about it. Thanks

Queenofwhatever

I am also keen to know the type of treatment.

I have just started emdr for complex ptsd resulting from child sexual abuse and have been in some pain at times. They have been described to me as body memories. The body remembers what the mind can't.

Keep trying for that assessment with a psychiatrist, especially one dealing with trauma.

Take care of yourself.

OK, I'm no expert and sorry if TMI. The biggest part of resolving the conversion disorder is firstly accepting that the symptoms are real but due to psychic distress rather than an organic cause. My consultants told me that some people just cannot get their heads around this, but I trained as a clincial psychologist and the first time they hesitantly mentioned it, I went 'oh I fully understand that, that makes perfect sense'. Picture a couple of psychiatrists with their jaws dropping.

Within hours of me saying to one consultant that my ex was a bully and I wanted to leave but he wouldn't let me, my symptoms changed from the excruciating pain to epileptic-type fits up to four hours a day but I remained conscious throughout. Cue more valium (rectal - there's no dignity in hsopital), morphine and sleeping tablets.

I was absolutely terrified and begged the consultant not to say anything etc. But the minute it had been said, the genie could not go back in the bottle. Saying what seemed unsayable (looking back I can't believe I really felt this) unlocked the barrier. I don't know what it is that mkes it happen and guess it's different for everyone.

With much help, I left my ex with DD. I was so terrified for so long, he has still not really reacted directly but I always knew I would never be allowed to 'get way with it' in his eyes. No-one from my previous life believes me or will give me the time of day, including my sister and Dad.

However, within about six weeks of leaving, I started having flashbacks of being raped. This has developed over the course of a year and I have now recalled huge amounts of my childhood when my Dad repeatedly beat me, raped me and threatened to kill me. So in that context, a conversion disorder is a very logical response, especially for a child. I had stress-related alopecia when my Dad started raping me at the age of six and have always dissociated a lot. I then repeated the pattern (in increasingly dramatic form) throughout my life.

Over the years I tried to deal with the underlying trauma in a range of ways - drugs, drink, random sex, self-harm. The fantastic irony is that people have always seen me as a very together and sorted person.

I too have just started EMDR and am still in profound shock as to how it drains the trauma from the flashbacks and is allowing me to recover.

Wow, what a long post!

Hi

Thank you for sharing that story, your truley very brave and an inspiration to me. It seems that like in your case, my mum is being prescribed higher doses of morphine and diazapam, so maybe this is part of the treatment for it, I'm not so sure. When we went to see the neurologist, he said that my mum would have to see a psychiatrist and then be refered to a clinical psychologist and that they would then start weaning her off any meds and teach her how to cope with pain. My mum too went through a phase were she would have full muscle body spasms, I would take her to a and e and they wouldnt do any thing even though her hands were stiff in the spasms and her legs and mouth, almost like an epileptic fit, now these seem to have stopped thank God. I worry about the underlaying issues for all of this as from what I know my mum always says she has had a happy childhood with great parents, but I do know that she has alot of baggage from her marriage to my dad, although he isn't physically abusive, he is selfish and neglectful, so maybe years of that is taking its toll. Maybe years of being told that your sick by various doctors has made her body think it really is very sick. I'm clueless.

I remember one time when my mum was in hospital there was a lady in the next bed who had an excruitiating headache, really bad, but the dr's couldnt find a cause for it, and my mum was sort of saying the lady needed a psychiatrist, my mum has a real stigma against mental health she thinks everyone will think she is a hypochondriac, literally she didnt want to tell her own mother that she wasnt dying with ms, imagine letting a 73 yr old woman think that he child was severely ill. Even now when she meets people on the street she will tell then that she has ms and needs 2 stoma bags ???????????

maybe she just doesnt know how not to be sick

anyway am going on now, I suppose the bravest part is actually getting help, would you say this was the most difficult step?

can I ask, what should I do as her daughter, like whats the best way to support her, should I continue taking care of her as though she is incapable of doing nothing for herself? what was the best support you found or would have wanted at that time?

I am not going to give you the answers you want here. But you need to put yourself and your family first.

If your Mum is genuinely not able to look after herself, she needs to apply for the relevant benefits and Social Services can arrange care for her. You should not be there until 11pm.

She is getting a huge amount of secondary gain from her symptoms. You need to work out where she ends and you start. If you and her have been in this pattern since you were a child, it will be hard for you to do this but I think you must. I would strongly recommend you do this with the support of a therapist. I would also recommend reading 'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward and looking at the Stately Homes threads in relationships.

I'm afraid the signs for your Mum coming to terms with this are not good - the length of time she has been somatisising, her age and her attitudes towards mental health. However, I'm more concerned about your mental health.

Thank you Queen, your really a blessing at this time.