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Depressed Partner. can't cope!

4 replies

LostInTheWoods · 24/06/2010 10:17

I've been with this man for two years. For the past year, he's been off sick with depression. He's on his second type of AD's and has had eight weeks of councelling.

If anything, he's far worse now than when he was originally signed off work.

He's constantly telling me how terrible his life is, how there is no point anymore. He's even threatened sucide.

We have massive financial problems now, due to him refusing to claim benefits and making it difficult for me to do it for him. His solution is to make himself a financial burden on me, his friends and his family as it is easier than filling in a few forms.

There seems to be nothing I can say or do which has any impact on him. Nothing. It seems like he is determined to destroy his life no matter what.

I'm seriously tempted to walk away simply for my own mental health, but my conscience won't let me.

How do I cope??

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 24/06/2010 16:37

you do have a choice. you can stay with him or not.

he will be depressed (or not) whether or not you are with him.

it is HIS choice to destroy his life or not.

if he is so ill he cannot see rationally then if you have called GP for him/marched him to an appt/taken him to A&E and sat with him til he seen....etc - well there is not much more you can do...

you are entitled to set boundaries and conditions - if you stay together, eg state he claims benefits etc.

your own MH is at risk - read depression fallout

www.depressionfallout.com/

LostInTheWoods · 25/06/2010 09:28

I just feel so bloody guilty about leaving him though.

He isn't getting any better, in fact the more "treatment" he gets the worse he gets.

I know this is incrediably selfish, but I don't want to put my life on hold anymore.

Torn.

OP posts:
LostInTheWoods · 25/06/2010 09:45

Cheers for the link btw, very interesting but very sad too.

OP posts:
lelarose · 25/06/2010 14:52

You are not being selfish. I am suffering from severe depression myself at the moment and am very much aware of the stress this is putting in my partner and our relationship. Its very hard, as no one chooses to be depressed, but this is a huge part of what motivates me to get better. I will accept any help offered to me in order not to be a burden to the people I love and to save my relationship, and if I refused to I would expect that he would eventually leave as everyone has their limits.

That you have stuck by him this far shows you genuinely care and are not selfish. and ultimatley just relying on you will not make him better in the long run.

I'm not suggesting you leave, its not my place, but just wanted to say (coming from the other side if this), dont beat yourself up for feeling like it. Maybe he needs to hear thats how you feel?

Wish you all the best anyway.

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