Social worker can't cope

[kimtwin]

I have just been redeployed into a child care team. I have been qualified nearly 20 years and worked in every area except child protection. That was a concious decision as I always thought i would find it too tough. I couldn't refuse redeployment as by refusing that would mean no redundancy money and no job - no mortgage paid. I've been there two weeks. Today I went to a family who are living in squalor the baby was crawling around in filth.......but just not filthy enoough to remove the children. I can't bare it. I cried all the way home and most of the evening can't get babies image out of my head. No way i can tell them at work that I can't cope, no way i can ditch job. My family think i'm talking rubbish as, in their eyes, I have worked with far more risky unhappy situations. They don't understand I can manage working with children and teens I just can't do it when the children are pre school and babies. I can't expalin it but i know i can't do it, but can't see a way out

sorry for your situation and the child as well
can you speak to citizens advice bureau?

Could you think of yourself if you were in the parents' shoes and think of the help you're giving them that they need?

Is there no way you can get them to redeploy you elsewhere if another position comes up?

If I were in your shoes and I had to do the job (and I would also find it very hard), I think I would focus on doing what I could to really make a difference and think about what that child's life would be life if I wasn't there to help.

I don't know how the ss system works but when you say "living in squlaor and the baby crawling around in filth" - just what made it that dirty? What are the limits that decide when intervention is necessary?

What Luciemule said.Where is thebcutoff point?

I couldn't do your job.

Am nurse for adults and the CP training is bad enough

Hi Kiim

I'm an ex lawyer and now work with domestic abuse victims and I used to cry all the way home after visiting some homes and seeing the plight of some children.

If you didn't care there would be something wrong with you and you shouldn't be in the job you're in. I would draw strength from your colleagues and ask them how they cope because I bet they have all felt like you do now.

Can you really not tell them that you are struggling with this. Your reaction sounds completely normal, and must happen to a lot of people working in child protection.
Is there anyone in your department who has been there longer who you could talk to about the way that they cope with it? Most people would find this distressing, and so must employ some sort if strategy to cope with it.

You might adjust to it a bit when you have been there a bit longer (though possibly you dont want to do that either).

I know some people in similarly distressing jobs who cope by focussing on the idea that they will make whatever difference they can, and that even if it is a small difference, then it was still worthwhile.
Or by being really clear to themselves about the situations that they can do something about, and the ones that they cannot change, and accepting that.

If you are not coping to with the job to the extent that it is making you ill then it might be worth going to see your occupational health department.

Sorry if that is a bit of a ramble, I have worked in horrific jobs in the past, and you have my sympathy.

Thanks all for responding. I think zookeeper you have a point i will speak with my colleagues i'm sure they have all felt like this. I think what has really got me down is the fact that actually we don't make a difference in these cases. Some people sadly have children and are just not cut out for it but we have to keep plugging away and trying to make them step up to their responsibility. Despite recent awful stories and failings by socialworkers most of us really do try to do the right thing but are hampered by paperwork and legalise. I am looking for a new job and have a couple of applications in with other authorities just have to keep my fingers crossed I can move on quick

You do make a difference. At the very least for some children their social worker might be the only reliable, kind, interested adult that they know. Which is a distressing thought, but might be very important to the child.
Its not that uncommon for adults who were in difficult circumstances as children to think back, and talk about there being one grown up - eg a teacher or a social worker who made a difference to them.

kimtwin{{{}}

I am sure you do CARE.I have had input rom ss) as dp was chronically ill(he sadly died recently) and dd has sn and ss were and are absolutely marvellous.

I reiterate I could not do your job and I work with palliative people.CP stuff a million times worse.Try to talk to somebody GP?

best wishes

Yes Kintwin I agree that very often we can't make a real difference in cases like these; sometimes I feel that it's like arriving at a motorway pileup armed with a packet of plasters. The cases where you can make a real difference are the easier ones; its the ones where you know the children will have miserable lives but don't quite meet the CP criteria that I find hard. Trying to accept that whilst still doing what you can to help is , for me at least, the challenge.

But if that urge to pick up the child and flee ever goes then it's time to change jobs

Does your organisation not provide counselling through occupational health? You can usually self refer. I work in a related field to you and we have access to 24 hour telephone counselling which is free and which we can also access direct if necessary.

I know where you are coming from. Until I had kids I dealt with CP cases in a very detached way and have even worked with some horrible sex offenders without blinking an eye. Now I'm a mum I find it really really difficult.

You should also speak to your manager for support. That's if they are reasonable and I know all aren't.

It's a tough job but someone has to do it!