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not understanding bdp.

6 replies

angel2001 · 23/06/2010 18:20

i am getting really fed up with a few poeple around me. i have some really good friends but they dont understand my illness. my dh works 55 hours a week to keep our finances a float. i rec dla as i cannot work. i have been on a real low over April/may and was hospitalised for 5 weeks. i was then flat on my back with a slipped disc for 10 days the caught a sickness bug. so been threw the mill this year. i am just starting to feel ok and life is worth living for ( whos to say how i will feel tomoro) i have just phoned my friend to say i can get a cheap second hand dryer as i am on dla and i can also get into attractions when i go on hols half pric for me and a carer. she is a single mum and i love her to bits but she is starting to annoy me by saying its nt fair that she works part time and gets nothing for it. just because i get dla i should not be entitled to anything different to her. i cant get it threw to her i would love to be abe to work and earn a living but at the moment i mentally and physically cant do it. i am under psychotherapy and even they are not touching me about my past because i am not strong or safe enough. i get really angry and annoyed that people don't understand the illness and how it effects my life and my family's. i don't go begging for anything but if the option i there then i will take it. am i in the wrong are these people right and its not fair and i should go out and get a job and if i am ill push thru it. i am looking to go back to work but wont be till end of this year beginning of next at the earliest. am i such a bad person for claiming what i can. is the guilt feel right or is it them that dont get it i am so confused on what to do or what to say. should i just keep my mouth shut on what i get now. my daughter just been placed n the special needs register but because noone can see her needs ( dypraxia and dyslexia very mild tho) i get told i am looking for attention thru her now. i was doing ok till today now my head messed up. hope this makes sense sorry if it doesn't am writing in a rage

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 23/06/2010 19:31

Angel what exactly do you have because I wonder whether you have some letters the wrong way. Are you bi polar or do you have borderline personality disorder? it sounds like the latter but I don't want to make assumptions.

hornofplenty · 23/06/2010 19:42

You are not wrong to claim what you can but if you know this annoys her why phone your friend to tell her about the extras you are getting.

angel2001 · 23/06/2010 20:04

borderline personality disorder,we normally have a close friendship and we tell each other alot of things she just piped up this afternoon so inever knew she was feeling the way she was. i will be keeping my mouth shut from now on but i wander how other people look at me. i so would love t work but unfortunately not knowing how i am going to feel one day to the next is hard work. she is not as supportive when i am suicidal as she doesn't understand but if i am just feeling low and don't want to go a out she will always drag me out and it does help.i just wish people would recognise bdp is a illness and not a attention seeking thing i do. just interested if anyone else there experiences the same reaction from close friends and family

OP posts:
hornofplenty · 23/06/2010 20:06

Some people find that going to work helps.

I just think that at the moment that people are finding balancing the books difficult and we have all become a bit snappy at each other.

borderliner · 23/06/2010 21:44

I think that you are being unreasonable in expecting your friend, however nice, to understand BPD. In my experience (been diagnosed about a year now, going through a lot of therapy at the moment - we have got to my past recently, so sounds as if I am a bit further on than you) no-one actually understands it.

Its a very very complex diagnosis and its a bit unfair to expect other people with no knowledge of this kind of thing to understand - its partly why I post about this under this name on MN, (too afraid to out myself) and why only a few exceptionally close and sympathetic friends (and not my family) know of my condition.

I've chosen for the moment not to claim DLA as we don't need the money (I know we are lucky) but if I did, I don't think I would go shouting about it to anyone. People are all very worried about money atthe moment and some people might see it as boasting - I know you don't mean it that way, but you have to think how others are going to hear it - and I know that it is dificult to do this when you are a bpd sufferer.

You are not attention seeking with your daughter - but you have to learn to be careful not to come over that way - its part of learning to live with the condition. As Iunderstand it, people with bpd like me have a very hazy sense sometimes of "who am I?", and it can be very easy to live life through other people, including your children.

What kind of psychotherapy are you getting? Is it specifically targetted at your bpd? Mine is, and ismaking a huge difference in just a year. I notice you say you are writing in a rage - the uncontrollable rages of bpd were my worst symptom and I found it very hard to keep my temper in check - but it is literally months now since I was angry in that way and it is incredibly liberating not to be at the mercy of my emotions just as much.

When did you get diagnosed? Do you know your trigger? Which of the symptoms affect you worst?

Please feel free to CAT me if you want to talk about it privately.

ANd don't feel too badly aboout your friend. You probably need to tone downthe things you tell her for a while, but she honestly can't understand!! One of the reasons that I am improving so much is that my relationship with dh is so stable (and I know I am lucky in this too - not many BPD sufferers clock up a 15 year marriage and it is all down to him!), and my dh works in a healthcare profession. But even he can't understandwhat it is like to be me and to suffer the symptoms I have.

Take care, and be in touch if you need to!

racingheart · 23/06/2010 23:11

Hi Angel, I don't think anyone is right or wrong in this situation. But just as you wish she understood and supported your illness, she probably wishes you understood and supported her in her struggle to make ends meet when she's tired and working hard.

The bpd people I know seem to find it hard to empathise with others and resent when people react in a way different from what they want. That can make it hard to keep friendships alive because evryone needs give and take, No one can be supportive and understanding 100% of the time. If this is a good friend, try sympathising with her as well as telling her your woes. I don't know how easy that will be, as I don't have bpd (but do lose empathy and rational thought when very depressed) but it's probably worth the effort. Your life sounds as if it's had some ups and downs but everyone's does. Everyone's. Some people keep quiet about it. But if she's resentful or dismissive or less supportive maybe it's because she needs some support herself.

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