Hi, I've namechanged for this post. I am 14 weeks pregnant with DC number 2 and I am feeling increasingly low. I suffered from mental health problems when I was younger (hospitalised for a year with ED/self-harm) and although I was fine for ten years, I had PND after DD was born, exacerbated by work stress. I have been feeling ok this pg up until recently, although it has been tiring physically, but now I feel like I am really crashing. My mood is low, I am exhausted and I can't seem to motivate myself at work. I am in a very precarious position as it looks like my team is in line for redundancies, but rather than get myself out there, getting involved in new ideas for how to move things on, I'm hiding at home, supposedly working, but actually sleeping/looking at MN.
I can't seem to motivate myself or make my brain work. Feel like I'm on complete empty. DH is being fantastic and great with DD at taking her out to give me a rest, but no matter how much I rest I can't shake this exhaustion. I am also getting a lot of palpitations which I saw doc about. I've had bloods taken for anameia and although my levels have dropped quite a lot (as of 6 weeks ago) they are still fairly good. However, I am worried as I have been very ill with anaemia and requird a blood transfusion and was told at the time I was risking major organ damage/death (I was anorexic at the time so it was a situation which developed over many months). I've never really been properly checked out but now I am worrying about it. I think maybe my anxiety could be depression related, but I feel I can't go to the doctors yet again, espeically as I had a bit of time off work last year when I was depressed and with the redundancy situation, don't want to admit to any problems iyswim. Work have been very good up until now, but I am the main breadwinner and I'm not sure why they would want to keep me on with the depression and being pg again. But I can't seem to get my work done.
I had a lot of private therpay last year and I really thought I had gotten to the bottom of some of my past issues and was feeling very well. Now I feel like an idiot for getting pregnant again and like I should have known I wouldn't cope. I feel like I'm letting DH and DD down as well as the baby. I am very anxious about the work I'm supposed to be doing, but the more worried I get the more I find I just can't do it - it requires a lot of strategic thinking and my brain has just disappeared.
The crazy thing is, I've been doing really well and feeling very positive. It seems to come in cycles, like I'll be fine for a bit and get lots of ideas and plans for the future and will have creative spurts, then I come crashing back down.
Not actually sure why I am posting. My sensible head is telling me I have to speak urgently to the docs. I was in a state last year and crisis team had to intervene. Not there yet, but feel like I could be.