Is this depression? I feel like I'm going mad

[DalbySun]

I am suffering from mood swings. Could be down to the contraceptive pill (been taking in for about 2 weeks now) but I'm sure it started before this. One minute I feel completely hopeless. Like there is no point in me doing anything. Today has been a bad day. The house is a complete tip, there is ironing all over the sofa, pots to be washed, the bathroom is a tip - I just can't be bothered to move. I feel so bored, fed up, tired, unmotivated. I was supposed to be at college this morning and I was all set to go (albiet reluctantly) but the printer wouldn't print off my assignment properly so I got angry with it, think I may have broken it and I just decided there was no point in going to college without it. Logically of course, I'm now 2 assignments behind instead of 1.
But all of a sudden I'll feel ok again. I'll suddenly get the urge to jump up and get stuff done, I suddenly get excited about the future, I want to phone people and tell them how cool things are about to become. I feel happy and alive - but as quickly as it comes on, it goes off again and I slump back down.
Things are starting to become unreal. Conversations I have, when recalled in my memory seem distant and almost dream like. I was thinking about a convo with DP earlier, thAT I think happened yesterday but I'm not 100% sure it happened at all. It doesn't sound like a conversation we'd have. A couple of days ago I saw a huge bee/bluebottle type creature hovering in front of me on the stairs. I screamed, DP was there and said there was nothing there. I looked all over for it but there was nothing there. Something that big would buzz and would not just disapear so where did it go? was it even there at all?
I need to go out and do something but I just cant bring myself to move. I feel crap. I'm not sleeping. I had a semi-concious dream type thing about someone hurting my pets and explaining how to kill them. I think I told DP but I'm not sure if I did or if that bit was a dream too. Im losing it, arnt I?

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I can relate to it a bit, I feel a bit like this myself as well, very up and down in mood and energy. I am sure that mine is due to PMT and it's possible yours is down to hormones too. Perhaps the pill is making things worse?Could you go to your GP about it? How old are you? I have found my PMT to be getting worse as I get older (I'm 40).

Sorry, I'm not much help but I do know a bit of what you're going through.

I'm 30. I just feel like going to macdonads, getting a big mac and fries and pigging out and then running a warm bath and just going to sleep in it. Then DP will come home from a hard day at work to a complete shit-hole house in which he can't tolerate (he's not as slobby as me) and he'll spend an hour or so cleaning up etc then I'll feel guilty.

Hi, really sorry you're feeling like this.

I've had depression and what you are describing was a little of what I was feeling HOWEVER, when I started taking the pill -cerezette I experienced exactly the same sypmtoms. I really thought the depression was on its way back. I stopped the pill and my mood returned to how it was.

If you think you can keep going a while with the pill, do as it should wear off but if not I would see your Dr and maybe come off it.

If things don't improve then it could be depression. The semi-concious dream is the thing that I would be a little more concerned about as something is really interferring with your concious/subconcious. I had this with ds 1 and it was quite frightening at times.

I can relate to a lot of what you have written. Just a suggestion but I found omega 3, 6, 9 oil tablets and Magnesium OK tablets have helped me hugely with mood swings and hormones related to PMT (mine down times are worse around ovulation and week before period). The vitamins have also just made me feel healthier and less anxious all round (takes a couple of months to feel better though).

I also have found PMT much worse the older I am and the more children I've had (I have three).

Can you write down all you feel, no matter how wierd/wacky your thoughts are. Don't worry about spelling/punctuation or any of the rules of writing. Get whatever is in your head out on paper. You can let dp read this later if you think he may be receptive to understanding of what's wrong. You won't have to feel articulate or worry about trying to complete a sentence.

It can be a good starting point...

I feel like a complete nutcase. I dont know what's real and what isnt. I can't remember if conversations have happened or not. I hear noises and I don't know if they're really there or in my head. There is a noise now and I don't know what it is because it doesn't sound 100% real but then it must be if I can hear it. Im actually quite frightened. I have nobody to help me. I keep getting the urge to do wierd things like write things on the wall. Make myself sick. Get in the car and drive and drive and drive - just go on and on - replace the petrol when it runs out because it would be interesting to see where I end up before my mind clicks back into sane mode again and I quite often wonder what would happen if I did that.

Dalby I think you need to see a GP fairly pronto. Unless you are extremely sleep deprived I'm concerned about you not being sure what is real, be it bees or conversations.

I'm going to mcdonalds now because I really want to eat something and I fancy junk food. My partner is angry at me because I have a male friend (who happens to be gay) so when I ask if these convos have actually happened he refuses to tell me because he has "Too many other important things on his mind" like the question of whether I am shagging my gay friend I suppose. So not a lot of support there.

I have researched the loestrin pill and apparantly other people have suffered from similar distrubances. I wonder if I should stop taking the pill first and if it doesn't improve, see the doctor?

Hi, sorry you are feeling so crap.
I would see the doctor sooner rather than later. Know exactly how you feel as I had similar reaction to the pill and then PND - my body just doesn't cope well with hormones.
Try and get an emergency appt today and then you will stop worrying so much?

I agree with willsurvivethis, you need to see a GP and tell him or her exactly what you are telling mumsnetters. It may be a mental health problem or something to do with your pill, but whichever it is the first point of call is a GP who should be able to assess and offer some help.