I feel so alone

[naturopath]

Literally feel like I am alone in the world. Have a dh and 2 ds's, parents, in-laws and lots of friends, but still feel so isolated.
Don't know what else to put now as feel so tired, empty, alone I don;t know what else to say. But thanks for reading if you do.

Sorry you are feeling like this. How long have you been in this state of mind?

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I have days when I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.
Have you spoken to your dh about how you are feeling? Do you go to any groups/coffee mornings?
I am sending you a big hug

I went to a drinks thingie last night, and although people were just metres from me, it felt like they were an ocean away.

Know what you mean.

Tell us more?

That was really poorly written. I mean how long have you been feeling alone?

SOrry, I know it was poorly written. HAve been feeling alone on and off my whole life. I never saw the point of being born and living.
dh kind of knows but he doesn't understand. He is not remotely like that. Ditto my friends (or current friends anyway).

I think part of it is that although I dearly love my ds's I feel somewhat trapped at home with them - eg, dh slept in this morning so I was with them the entire day from 6.30am- then he popped home for an hour and has now gone out again. Not that I want to go out.. but I feel the option has been taken away. Basically feel trapped and not in control because I have to put others first (which is not a bad thing -it's a great thing - it just has this side effect).

Also, I feel a lot of dread relating to my phobia of sickness and, incidentally, dh said he felt sick this evening. Has just made everything worse.

I suppose it's a kind of general depression.

Am seeing someone for the phobia and mentioned the dpression to my gp a few weeks ago but didn't follow it up. Not sure if I should as one of the gps in my surgery is another mother in my ds's class.

I don't go to many group / coffee morning thingys any more as I did when I had only 1 ds - now I have 2 both I and my friends seem to be too busy with everything else in life. OR maybe that's just an excuse, I don't know. I'm not even sure what I think any more.

hi sorry you feel so down but it is normal. I know you love your kids but being with them 24/7 can be frustrating. It sounds like you need a break some time to yourself more than anything. Could someone mind them for a few hours while you go out with your friends or go shopping or for a walk. Just breaking the cycle can help. hope this helps a bit. [hug]

No, no ... I meant that I had written my 1st post poorly! Not you at all.

If you suffer with depression, it is not surprising that you would find it tough at home all day with the DSs. I suffer with anxiety and when I am going through a bad patch with it, being at home all day is a nightmare for me.

I would recommend that you speak to your GP again about the depression.

Do you have any hobbies or any time to yourself at all?

sorry for misreading Jimmy - no, it was mine that was poorly written!

re hobbies or any time to myself: there are lots of things I enjoy doing, but the problem is that I have zero time to myself. And the time that I do have I either just find I need to relax and do nothing / eat / shower etc., or, like now, I feel too depressed to do anything.

RIght now I'm supposed to be doing various things (emails, phone calls, cooking - won't go into details as I don't want people to recognise me) but I can't face any of it. I'm just sitting here.

BOth of the dcs were very bad sleepers. In the past few weeks ds2 has massively improved, so in theory I shoul dhvae my evenings. But sometimes it's 8.30 / 9pm by the time he's asleep and I jsut need to relax for a bit and go to sleep.

ROses12 - I don't really have anyone to help. My parents and in-laws are helpful sometimes but they are away a lot and usually busy anyway. There isn't anyone else.

dh just called and I started crying. I don't know what's wrong with me.

One of the worst symptoms of depression is that it makes you feel very isolated. I have severe prenatal depression at the moment, felt like the only person in the world who has ever felt this bad during pregnancy and as soon as I told people on here about it they told me some of them had been the same and it did help. Keep talking about your feelings and hopefully you will find you are not the only one who has them.

Lots of us feel alone, no matter who or what we have in our lives x

thank you everyone. Please keep talking to me as it does temporarily make things a bit less lonely.

I totally see what you mean when you say the time you get to yourself sometimes you just have to do nothing, especially if you're with your kids all the time.

Have you ever had any kind of therapy?

Hi naturopath - how are you doing today?

still bad, in fact worse now as I think I may have caught my ds's stomach bug. as before, don't feel I can write now -too empty feeling, but will come back later.

still here for you

naturopath just saw a good forum on here called Anxious mums no.3 is full of lovely women helping each other through the day to day. thought it might help to know others are going through the same things as you. Sorry if this is old news.

I just feel like I'm wrapped up in a cocoon of endless layers - but not a good cocoon. I want to get out of it but I can't because I have responsibilities that I can't escape from.

ds1 is feeling v bad again tonight - will probably be (that that I cannot mention).. ds2 also keeps waking up screaming. I can;t even come on here to feel momentarily like I am breathing.

roses12 - thanks for the suggestion of the forum - I didn't know about it and will have a look.

lelarose - I read some of your thread - you are very brave. I will read more (before commenting further!)

I know that you are feeling lonely, but is there anyone at all that you open up to in RL? The lonely feeling I get stems from the fact that I am brilliant at putting on a brave face and pretending that all is well. I probably should have been an actress. I hardly open up to anyone. DH is a good listener, but I keep a lot of stuff pent up inside. I have friends and family but am a really private person. Does me no good but that is the way I am. I don't suffer with a phobia as you do. I imagine that everything seems a million times worse when someone at home is ill.

it does jimmy - everything just collapses when someone is ill. And it's been 6 days now. I just want to die but I can't because I have the dcs. Just spoke with barndoc who told me there are stomach viruses everywhere, around the world, at all times - I thought - nowhere is safe for me, I must die.

I can't open up like this in rl - I guess I have to some extent sometimes, but dh for example just tells me to get a grip and pull myself together (if only I could). dh is even in the same room as me now but he has no idea. I can't tell him because he doesn't want to hear it.

If it's been 6 days then it's no wonder you are really so down. You have done amazingly well to cope. You said you were getting some help with your phobia - can you get to see whoever is helping you this week? I know what you mean about your DH. Mine is a good listener, but he is from a family of level-headed optimists and so he just doesn't 'get' anxiety at all. His mum is an iron lady who brought up 4 young boys on her own. Hope you start to feel better soon and that you can get some sort of help in the meantime.

naturopath how are you little ones any better yet?

Hi Roses12 and Jimmytarbuck - had a baddish night last night (and the night before as well) - the stomach aches were back - but so far so good today!

dh so variable in how helpful / available he is, but I'm in a better way this evening at least. My mum came over this afternoon to help, and I got a cleaner in, and all in all, it's all much more manageable this evening. thanks

Good to hear that you are feeling more positive tonight, Naturopath. Keep looking after yourself as well as those around you.

thanks all but feeling really bad again. have to see to the boys now.

sorry you are feeling low again. what do you have planned for the weekend? anything that will get you out and about?