so fed up

[golds]

I have refrained from posting on subjects like this in the past, as I have tried to 'get on with it' but today I just feel totally down.

I have 2 lovely children who at times can test my patients (who's can't), they are not really the issue, my husband is self-employed and is continually messed about by people not paying him on time, We have money problems, last week I had no food in the cupboards, we have bills coming out of our ears, my phone has been cut off and I can't seem to manage.

15 weeks ago today I was a emergency in hospital with a ruptured ectopic, I came close to death, I don't know what to do with myself, I seem to be dwelling on the fact that I almost died and the attention and consideration I have received since from dh etc. makes me feel as if it wouldn't have mattered.

To top it all off, dh's van was due to be Tax/MOT whilst I was recovering, so to save money (as I couldn't drive) he used my car, even now I can drive again, we can't find the money to get the van sorted and he's come home today and somebody has smashed my wing mirror, I need to sort that now.

Sorry for the rant, but I have kept this inside me for a while now and just needed to write it down, not looking for any answers, just had to get it out.

6 weeks holiday not helping - roll on September.

Im sorry Golds, i am really crap with words but am bumping this in the hope that some one can come along and give you some good advice.

Hello,
Your experiences sound so familiar! I had meningitis when my first daughter was 4 months old & nearly died, then was told I had MS - 6 months later they said I hadn't got anything wrong with me at all!!
Being brought face to face with your own mortality is so frightening, especially when you've got children depending on you. And you've had the 'double whammy' of losing a baby as well. I am so sorry you've had to go through this, and can see why you feel bad.
Your DH may just not have a clue how to help you - he's trying to fix stuff that can't be mended. That's what men do. You just need him to be there, listen and hug, but maybe he's more comfortable being the Big Strong Man for you? His emotions are probably mixed up too, but I'm guessing he's just dealing with it a different way.
Money problems are also something I know lots about!! First obvious step for you seems to be for DH to sort out his non-paying customers. Credit control is a difficult but vital part of self-employment - I do my DH's letters & calls as he says he's a plumber not a debt collector! Second idea - are you getting all the financial help you're entitled to? Ask at the Citizens Advice Bureau or talk to your health visitor.
Your wing mirror will wait - don't sweat the small stuff as they say.
Contact everyone you owe money to and ask to pay in small instalments - I did this & was really surprised how helpful people can be.
Last thought - if things are getting on top of you to the point where you feel you really can't manage, go to your doctor for help. You have to put yourself first if you're going to be any good to your family.
I'm sending you love and a hug (hope you don't mind one from a stranger!).

Hiya Golds, How are you feeling this afternoon?
(Nice reply from elliebird)

Although i haven't been in your exact situation, my DH is also a self-employed tradesmen and we have these money issues on a daily basis. I get so frustrated that people don't pay on time when we are most in need. Also, the van always seems to need work doing when we just don't have it. DH and I are always contemplating whether we'd be better off with him continuing being self-employed or just working for a company. Both have their ups and downs though.

I'm not always great with words and think Elliebirds post says it all.
Sending you lots of cyber hugs golds and you can rant anytime you like