Not coping ....

[justdown]

I've namechanged as I have some people I know read MN and I don't want to be too obvious - though a lot of you might work out who I am.

I'm not coping. I am a mess, the house is a mess, my head is a mess, my relationships are a mess .....

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants (3rd one I've been on), I'm having counselling/clinical psychology help as well as seeing a psychiatrist occasionally, I can't sleep, I do feel better but the sleep is a big issue and I just don't have any motivation. I have 3 primary aged kids and a dh who is fantastic but works very long hours (at the momentt, a temporary staffing issue at work) and is away 2/3 nights every week. I work 2 days a week but only term time, volunteer another day and keep everything ticking over at home.

The last 3 weeks my counselling has got very personal - issues surounding my toxic mother, from whom I am estranged - and I've not been coping very well since then. This has coincided with dh having to work more, which isn't helping. I have a cleaner but I'm struggling to keep on top of the day to day stuff. When I got back from my session this morning I just wanted to cry at the mess, if Social Services came round I'd be in trouble!

My kids are happy, healthy, clean, well fed (though its been a bit junk-foody the last week or so as I can't face cooking).

I just wanted to tell someone.

WHen I say my relationships are a mess I mean that my lack of motivation means I've been cancelling out on friends, not phoning my family, I've forgotten a couple of birthdays.

I just want someone to come round and put me to bed and do the dishes and hoover or something.

Now I'm crying.

Have a good cry maybe it will help. You are doing everything you could possibly do to help yourself. You are in a tunnel but hopefully there is light at the end of it. You are at the bottom now and the only way is up. You have a good partner and lovely DCs give them a cuddle and enjoy the family you have made. No SS wouldn't care that you have an untidy house.
Don't cancel on friends get them to support you.
Good luck

SOrry Justdown - I'm listening (you may see my someone similar thread).

Is there any way you could afford to increase the hours your cleaner does? Maybe she could come for an hour or two every day - clearing the general mess in the morning may give you a little bit more time to yourself. Maybe one day she could do more hours so that you could go to bed?

I know that won't help the depression exactly, but it may make things a little bit easier practically..

ALso sending you lots of hugs.

Well, Justdown, you're being pretty tough on yerself, aren't you? It really is no wonder you're floundering a bit....just dealing with your childhood issues will knock the stuffing out of you...but the new you will emerge with time. So, afraid to say, some things will fall by the wayside, and that's the way it is.

It is completely normal to withdraw at times, you're giving an awful lot, what with being a parent which we all know is a huge bloody job!!!!!Plus you work, and then you volunteer as well!!!! You've got enough on yer plate!!!!!!

Your circumstances will change, although right now would be wonderful!!!! Isn't it great that your kids are clean, healthy and happy? They'll be delighted with a bit o junk food....you will get back round to cooking up great things again.

I have 2 primary kids, my house has looked undesirable at times, and ate muck, but some days I have more energy. Depression is a nasty bugger of a thing, sorry to hear you feel so bad about stuff, keep in touch, there's loads of us who feel, or have felt as you do, you're not alone. I can make you a cup o tea and give you a biscuit if that's any help!!!! xx