Counceling - How does it work? Experiences?

[TheRealPerson]

I would normally have name-changed for this but I'm not allowed anymore (I know it's not funny really)

Ok, I need counceling. I NEED counceling. I know I do. I've known for years and if I'd had it years ago when I first realised, I wonder how different life would be now.

But I'm terrified. I don't know what to expect or what to say. That first session, what do I say? I'll just clam up, I know I will. How can you tell a complete stranger all the stuff that has been eating you up for years?

And on a practical note, does it get noted down in your records? I'm training to become a mental health nurse and I'm scared that a history of mental health issues will jeaporize my career prospects.

It depends first of all on what type of counselling, eg old fashioned talk therapy types or cognitive behavioral which is more solution focused.

in my view there is a lot of unjustified fear of things ending up in your 'records', there is no such thing as a central record where all your details are kept. If you are referred by your GP there may be bits and pieces in there and your counsellor may have their own records but there is no reason for a prospective employer to have access to that!

I found it hard to get started with counselling but they wil have some questions to help you.

I find generaly I start talking about what's on my mind or how my week has been. I've already decided what i will talk about tomorrow morning and that will lead to other things.

sorry not making much sense right now

Is a psychologist the same as a councilor? I was kind of looking for something that will delve into my past and identify what has happened to make me think and act the way I do. I need a "shrink"

no psychologist and counsellor are the same - some psychologists are trained as counsellors.

If you want to delve in your past you can find a psychotherapist or start gently by working with a person centred counsellor and see what comes up when you start talking. You do the work yourself, it's not a matter of finding someone who does the digging for you.

To understand more about counselling I can recommend a fantastic little book called Counselling for Toads (see Amazon)- it's basically a story about Toad from Wind in the Willows needing and having counselling. Sounds childish but isn't.

to find a counsellor the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy ( BACP )may be helpful

sorry counsellors and psychologists are not the same

I have recently started sessions with a psychologist.

I have found it to be really really helpful. The first session was really nerve wracking but she was good at putting me at ease and I felt suprisingly comfortable 'opening-up'.

I have found it to be fantastic at untangling many of the issues, problems and fears that I have. I am in a much, much better place than I was.

We discussed confidentiality. She explained that everything was totally confidential with one exception- that if she had a strong feeling I may harm myself or someone else that she may need to discuss it with someone else. That's not to say you cant be honest about suicidal feelings or hatred for someone- she would need to be pretty sure you were going to seriously cause harm to break confidentiality. She does not make many notes, they are locked away and I can view them or take them at any time. She does not communicate with my doctor.

I think it has been so valuable. It is probably helpful if you are able to admit you would like some help and are prepared to be totally honest, irrespective of how you may feel this makes you 'look' to the counsellor- they are expert at not-judging and not telling you what you 'should' do.

The only problem for me is the fee!!

Take care.

I've had more than my share of counselling over the years, and then trained to be a counsellor. It might help you find someone who suits you if you ask their orientation. Very very simplistically:

A person centred/humanistic cousellor will try to offer you empathy and care and sort of come along with you whatever you want to talk about.

A CBT/solution focussed counsellor will want to focuss on what's going on for you now and not delve too much into the past, and will give home work such as keeping a record of negative thoughts or putting anxieties on a scale of 1-10, that kind of thing.

A psychodynamic counsellor will want to look at your childhood and past and look at how you interact with them as an indicator of how you interact with the people in your life. From what you say this might appeal to you?

A lot of counsellors describe their approach as integrative or eclectic, but most are coming from a base of one of these broad catagories.

As far as what to say on the first meeting, I've had counsellors who asked me what had brought me there or how I was feeling today, others who would sit in absolute silence until I started talking (not for me, I was childishly stubborn about not talking first, but they'd happily sit there saying nothing for an hour and then take my £45!), ones who went over their orientation and housekeeping type stuff in the first session, all kinds really. Whoever you plump for, I'd say be aware that you are free to try someone else if they don't do it for you - there plenty of counsellors who are either not suited to you, or are just not very good, don't give up if you don't get on with your first one! Good luck.