well here is my list;
1st of all my ex took off, moved to a new city 6 months ago. We were together 3 yrs, I found out he was married living with a woman and she found out about me and gave me loads of shit. Its now over but still gets to me how he lied and stuff and also I fell pregnant to him he told me to go get abortion, I had a m/c and he went mad at me, blaming me saying I must have done something wrong to loose the baby even tho he was the one who told me to get abortion.
2nd of all where I live gets me down. Thats probably really shallow, I know, but I want to live somewhere rural in a nice village but I live in a town in Oldham where people constatly judge you on how you look and there is no friendliness.
3rd of all I had abortion at 18. My then boyfriend who was verbally abusive and always critising my weight, my job, my style, everything he forced me into the abortion, as did my mother. None of them take responsibility for it and now I am wracked with guilt and always think if I hadn't had the abortion I would have a 2 yr old son running around right now and I am so down that the baby is not here where he should be. Nothing can ever change what happened, but I dont know how I can move forward without the baby or nothing anyone says can make up for the fact is it gone. I hope I will be able to have children in the future but this one and the m/c'd one will always be in my mind and how can I move forward without them? I also did have a few worries about being infertile but I have now been able to put my mind at rest for now, however, I find myself looking at baby clothes and longing to fall pregnant. I'm frightened I so desperately want a child to make up for these 2 so badly I might end up making a child with any old man that comes along.
4th of all I may have contracted an STI from my recently ex'd dp. I have been for tests at my local sexual health clinic and have to wait 2 weeks for results. My mother and I are the sirt who are close one minute, but screaming and really disliking each other the next, so when she found out I had gone for tests she was really horrible and told me I have to stop 'putting it around' but I slept with 1 male who I was in a relationship with and have been with previously for a few years and I did love him. It's rich coming from her as she is going to meet some guiy off the net in Sept who lives in Albania and they have had webcam sex (eurgghh) and will DEFINATELY sleep together.
I'm so sorry I've just blabbered on with myself! It is good to get it all out in the open though.