Come hold my hand - feeling low tonight (long post, sorry)

[Macdog]

Have just let a niggle with dh escalate into a row.

I'm just changing AD meds from Citalopram to Zispin (Mirtazapine)
Took Zispin last night, left me feeling zombie-like all day, irrationally angry and generally crap.

I asked dh to go get something from car for me, told him where it was. came back saying he searched the car and it wasn't there. I went out to car and , surprise surprise, it was where I said it would be.
I got narky with him and he (not surprisingly) went into a huff.
Tried to tell him why I was narky (ie explained every time I ask him to get something, he can't find it - when I go, it's where I said it would be) and he said he can't understand my disproportionate response.

I am trying really hard not to self-harm now. I punched myself so hard in the forearm that I can barely feel my hand.
I can't call Samaritans/saneline/NHS24 etc because he's in the house and would hear it all.

Just want someone to tell me I'm going to be ok.

Thanks

Would it be a bad thing for him to hear you on the phone? So he can hear exactly how you are struggling, without having to explain it directly?

Can you get out the house and use a mobile? I think Samaritans have a web response now on their website dont they?

Didnt want to let your post go unaswered, thinking of you.

Thanks for answering.
I have trouble expressing my feelings, would worry about what he thought of me if he could hear.

Will sleep on settee tonight, and get emergency appt with GP tomorrow

Good night

You will be ok. A good sleep and then an appointment in the morning will make you feel a lot better. Just try and remember that although it is hard now, the antids will be worth it long term and it doesnt last forever.

there are people online here all night, whatever time if you are feeling bad just post, here or chat or whereever.

Hugs arent very MN like, but chucking one your way anyway.

Cheers

Find your favourite film, curl up on the sofa in a huge blanket with a cup of tea and some biscuits and spend 2 hours relaxing before falling asleep. You'll be fine.

Hi Macdog

I'm on mirtazapine too. FWIW the excessive sleepiness wears off after two weeks. For me, I loved the sleepiness as I suffered severe insomnia.

It does wear off tho. I have found mirtazapine the best AD I've tried in terms of minimal side effects and positive influence on mood and anxiety.

Hope it starts to help soon.x

If I wasn't trying to cope with a 4 year old I'd probably welcome the sleepiness.
It's the zombieness I can't deal with, feeling disconnected.
Don't know how nuch is the withdrawl from Citalopram as well.

Spoke to my Psychologist today, GP tomorrrow.
Just need to get through tonight.

Thanks for words of support