DC's are 8 and 4 so why on earth do i still feel the guilt ....

[blushingm]

and regret that I gave up breastfeeding so soon and had caesarians

surely they are such small things in their lives but i still feel resentful towards people who have the births they plan for and the feeding they want

i am a failure. I am weak. I am selfish.

All this makes me want another baby so i can prove i can get it 'right'. Another baby would be the worst thing i can do - i already suffer from treatment resistant deoression and take medication that isn't safe in pregnancy. Every time dh and i have sex i secretly hope against hope i will get pregnant

what is wrong with me????

Did you ever deal with it? Because until you do it doesn't go away. Maybe it is time to, alone or with a counsellor, explore why having a c-section (and these things usually are done for a reason) makes you a bad mummy. Ditto for breastfeeding. It is important but you got them safely to 8 and 4 so you must be doing something right.

WST - i am sure it's just luck - i will be found out one day i am sure of it

i haven't tried hard enough

You are definitely not a failure,weak or selfish for not breastfeeding and having a c-section.

Breastfeeding is not for everybody. I didn't breastfeed my 2 ds, I tried to but they would not latch on at all. I felt terrible about it but I had a very good public health nurse who reassured me that bottle feeding is a very good substitute.

C-sections are not a walk in the park. It is major abdominal surgery. Do not be hard on yourself. I second what willsurvivethis said and maybe talk to the counsellor. I recently had some sessions with a therapist for anxiety and I found them a lifesaver.

Yes sure - and the fact that ds needed forceps to make it and was brain damaged while i carried him is my fault? - Well I used to think so - I felt I failed him in utero, in labour, when he started fitting and I pretended he was fine, when I couldn't bear to be with him in NICU...

i had a lot of support and was told a few thousand times it was not my fault and I see it much more in perspective now.

You need to talk about this. On here or wherever.

I breastfed both mine for a long, long time. One is 14 now the other 6. It has no bearing whatsoever on my relationship with them now.

Blushingm I feel for you. I have three DSs and gave up breast feeding with all of them and the guilt is just horrible but there is so much more to being a good mum than those initial few months of breastfeeding, there really is. I understand why there is so much pro-breastfeeding propaganda about as it is good to try to encourage those people who wouldn't normally consider breastfeeding to give it a go but the effect it has on those who desperately want to and can't for whatever reason is just cruel I think.

You are not a failure, weak or selfish. If you were you wouldn't even give this a thought, you wouldn't even care about this, which you obviously do very deeply and I think that stands for much more than whether you breastfed your babies or not.