help

[sweetbean]

i can't take it any longer feel so alone! partner dosn't understand and jsut makes this wores i spend all my time with my daughter who is 6 months old i love her to death but i never get a brake.my boyfriend thinks i do nothing all day but sit around and watch telly when the truth is that i spend my whole day tring to tidy up wash up feed my daughter etc and he feels that he dosn't have to do anything as he gose to work.The first thing he dose when he gets home is finds something that i haven't done and complains about it. I have got PND and am on meds but i can't talk to him about it as when i mentioned it he said i couldn't possible have it and i just nead to get out more (but he takes are car to work!)and why would i bee deppressed when i get to stay at home all day with my feet up and do nothing.I used to suffer from depression and i can't beleve that i feel this way again

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and that your boyfriend is not being very supportive.

I have a 6 month old too and sometimes it does feel like I've spent the whole day in the house looking after dd, washing, ironing, cleaning etc... This drives me crazy sometimes so I make sure I get out the house and do something at least once a day. I am also a member of a local postnatal group, which really helps and we often meet up for a coffee. I know that when you are down, you don't feel like getting out of the house but I really think you should try. Also, use Mumsnet to try and find mums in the local area.

Also, can you try and do something in the evenings or weekends, like a course or a part-time job? It might be nice to get out and do something else.

Sweetbean, you are definitely NOT alone, there are lots of mums out there who know exactly how you feel and that includes me. I've got PND too so I know how desperate you can feel at times but well done for getting treatment, I hope that things are on the up for you.
I'm very lucky because my dp is supportive (although I can't pretend he always understands completely how I feel when I have a 'bad' day) and he takes the pressure off me by spending time with dd whenever he can to give me time to myself - this is SO important and I think your boyfriend needs to do the same for you.
Does he ever look after your dd for a whole day himself? If he has never done this then the sooner he does the better because then he will have a good idea just how exhausting it can be!
Is there anyone else who can help you out with some babysitting, even if it's just for an hour or so....it will help you so much to have a break even for a little while.
Please keep posting on MN if you are having a bad time of it, I have been helped so much by the support of MNers - it does get better believe me

Sweetbean - there are lots of friendly mumsnetters who will talk about this with you. A lot of men refuse to accept the existence of PND. Is there any way you could have a visit from your health visitor while he was there to help him understand? Or do you know any other couples that have experienced it where he could talk to the male partner? A couple of hours out while he looks after dd could do you the world of good - have you got any family or friends you could visit? Sending you {{{hugs}}} across the wires anyway.

hello

Big hug for sweetbean...been there my girl, know how it feels. Agree with littlemiss, I would try and get out of the house at least once a day, improved my mood so I was less likely to react if DH critised something when he got home. I work full time now, so feel like I am constantly on the go and it's even harder to get all the housework done - however DH now pulling his finger out as he is seeing that his constant moaning and nitpicking wasn't actually getting the desired effect of getting things done any quicker.

I had suspected PND and still waiting for my referal apt, but I am starting to feel better just because I have spoken to people and DH has started to help instead of hinder AND the boys are a joy now. They are rewarding to be around, so s0d what DH says or does, those smiles and giggles make everything 100 times better.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is you may feel like you are at rock bottom, and everythings getting on top of you, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel - Babynovice knows what I mean....I felt awful a few weeks ago, verge of splitting with DH, but since then spoken to a doctor, had a chat with my health visitor, been out more, DH doing everything I moaned about him not doing when we had a row and the boys are sleeping through (I have 8 month old twins)....it will improve, if gradually, but I strongly recommend talking to DP before you get to breaking point.

take care

Thanks so much for all your word of encoragement it's so nice to know that you are all out there!!
i have just moved to "the mainland" from the isle of wight so have left my suport net work behind and have not made any friends yet as i don't feel strong enough to get out there and mingel!!!so knowing that i can chat to you all makes a hug diffrence thanks again xx

There will always be someone on MN you can chat to - about anything you like - I have found it really helpful to get support from mums who have or have had PND. Like you I don't have many friends and family close by so it can feel very isolated, and I know exactly what you mean about not feeling like getting out there to make new friends....I have to admit I haven't been brave enough even yet to join any mother & baby groups and dd is now 10mths old but I'm gradually gaining more confidence in myself now that the ADs are helping and hopefully I can get out a bit more. It is very hard indeed.
Keep posting on here if you think it helps, and feel free to cat me if you like

hi babynovice im sort of new to the whole mumsnet thing what is "cat" sorry

sweetbean
Looking after a baby is hard work. When somebody (ie. your partner) makes you feel like it should be easy and is picking at what you do no wonder you feel like what you are doing isnt good enough. It is like being at work and your boss putting you down - it would make you demotivated.

Is it possible that you have the car - could you drop him into work?
A tip somebody gave me on mumsnet that work is that if you go out there is less to do! There is less mess if you are not at home.

I used to feel the way you do - but it does get easier. Ds is 3 nearly and I find it a lot easier now.
Maybe to get your partner to understand how hard it is - could you go out for a day when he is at home and leave him incharge of you daughter? This way you get a break and he gets to see it isnt easy?