sodding flashbacks

[willsurvivethis]

Sorry me again

They are non stop today. No images just being very small and drowing in a big world, all I can do is close my eyes and wait for them to pass. Feel totally disconnected from the world although managing mostly to stay with ds.

I got bad last night, so much pressure in my head. Sent a message to friend late last night that it was all going wrong and he got back to me first thing this morning say call me if you need to talk but he's at work and I know he means it but I can't do that. Told dh but he just nods - he's sweet to me but doesn't engage.

I know what this is - this big thing that happened in counselling made me pull the shutters down on my feelings again and it's not working anymore and it's catching up.

Lots to get through yet today - not sure how - at this rate I'm going to have visible flashbacks in home group tonight.

I get them too... and find "sodding" an extremely good description. I'm sorry you're going through this.

If you were to have flashbacks during the home group, would you be able to explain it to them?

cpanda thanks for the offer bless you - I need to feel very very safe to open up, which I can do with about two people in the whole world not including dh and one of them lives abroad.

Been out with dh and ds on our bikes and things seem to have settled a bit.

OrganicHairbrush - sorry you get them too. A few members of my homegroup know in rough detail what's up but there is also a membeer or two that cannot be trusted to keep quiet about it and my husband is the minister so I'm a bit more public/prone to being gossiped about.

My therapist uses EMDR and he has taught me some good techniques for bringing myself out of the flashbacks and back into reality. I know they're still there and I need to let them come out in order to deal with it. But it puts me more in control.

Are you seeing a therapist or anything? It might be worth asking for specific tips. A simple one is to have an elastic band on your wrist and ping it to bring you back. I've used that on a few of my lost weekends and found it helpful.

I'm glad things are settling. But it's such a sad thing that the Church is often one of the least safe places to confide such personal things... been there, too...

Queen - thanks yes I have a good counsellor. Not really interested in EMDR as what I am doing now works really well even though it is very painful. I supressed everything - events, feelings, emotions - and I am slowly learning to feel together with my counsellor.

OrganicH - to be fair the church has also given me my closest friends and among those who know, be it everything or just that I have not been well the support and prayer has been tremendous. Our church is good at supporting each other - but being the minister's wife makes you more vulnerable.

Well had homegroup tonight, first half went fine, second half I kept spacing out and feeling like I was going to cry and feeling in a different universe from everyone else.

Big hug from a good friend in the kitchen afterwards was helpful.

Thanks all for your support today x