Writing letters.

[SirBoobAlot]

In the past, say, seven years, a lot has happened which has affected me badly. I'm still frightened, I'm still embarrassed (needlessly so, but I am), and more than anything I am angry. Recently I have been thinking about writing letters to certain people involved and letting them know exactly what they have done to me. I thought about writing them and burning them / keeping them, but have decided I want to actually send them.

Is this a good idea, or am I just looking to stir up more trouble and emotions for myself?

There is on individual in particular who has damaged me and my life to such a degree I will never forgive them. They live nearby. I used to never be able to see this person without having a panic attack, I had nightmares up until very recently about them, and their actions caused me to start self harming and eventually to attempt suicide. I used to never be able to go over to the side of the area they live in for fear of seeing them. I feel stronger - or maybe just angrier? Not sure - now. Would I risk this?

I really am not sure what to do. I want to tell these people how I really feel. But is it worth it?

Its hard to tell from your post exactly who these people are, or what they have done to you, but if they are people who would wish you harm then I would think twice about making yourself vulnerable by giving them such personal information.

SirBoobalot the writing is a good idea. Whether sending is a good idea depends on what you want to happen. If they were the kind of nice understanding people who would feel awful about themselves after reading your letter chances ar they wouldn't have hurt you so badly in the first place.

Chances are that the fallout from the letters will mean it's you who gets hurt all over again and that must be avoided.

Start by writing the letters and keeping them for at least a week or two before doing anything with them. Read them over, live with them, see if writing them was enough after all. Maybe read them to someone you can trust and love just so it's out there.

I'm not saying you shouldn't send them, but that you need to be very sure that doing so is going to help you not hurt you. There is information out there that can help you decide what's best and what you can hope for. There is some good stuff in 'The courage to heal' - my handbook at the moment. It's for sexual abuse survivors but I would the concepts would apply more generally.