I haven't slept since sunday

[lelarose]

I realise there are other threads on this topic but I don't want to take over other people's with my problems. I am 19 weeks pg and have insomnia so bad I can no longer deal with it. I slept for a bit between 12 and 3 this morning and thats been it since Sunday. Feel really positive when I have slept, utterly despairing when I haven't.

I have been forcing myself to work these last few months as taking time off doesn't help but today I am incapable of leaving the house i am so exhausted yet still no sleep.

I have tried the following to deal with this: pyschotherapy, holistic therapies, hypnotherapy, medication and pretty much everything else in between. Have been referred to perenatal mental health, called psychiatrist today, all she is willing to suggest is temazipan- I'm not takig this because it doesn't work for me and I don't want any medication in my baby's system unless it is a guarantedd miracle cure haha. Otherwise it's just something else to worry myself about

I sometimes lie awake at night with obsessive thoughts which I cannot switch off and miss my partner more than I can describe. He works away for weeks at a time and I never know when he is going or coming back and there is honestly nothing either of us can do about that right now- he calls me once or twice every day but all I can do half the time is just cry through sheer exhaustion.

Sorry for such a long post I'm at the end of my tether.

oh lelarose you poor thing that sounds awful. As you know (from the other thread!) that I too, am a terrible insomniac.

Having struggled with it since DD was born (2.5 years ago now!) I have come to the conclusion that there isn't a miracle cure unfortunately it's just a case of trying to manage your thoughts and keep them under control.

I know it is so so difficult. I am going through this myself right now too. The difference is, I am not pregnant. So I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I can take drugs (as much as I dislike them) but for you there is that extra worry.

You mention lots of different therapies but have you tried CBT? It did help to a certain extent with me. This is a helpful book which I have recommended to others on here: Overcoming Insomnia and Sleep Problems

You have to work at it, but it does work. You need to start keeping a notebook of your sleep and WRITE DOWN positive sleep thoughts every day (all explained in the book).

I am so sorry you are going through this. Insomnia truly is torture. I know, I have been there. At my worst I went 5 days and nights without sleep. At that point I was admitted. Thankfully perinatal services are generally very helpful and experienced. It is not a disaster if you do end up getting admitted. But it feels like it at the time

Thinking of you - please keep posting., there are lots of lovely supportive people on here who know what it feels like to suffer in this way...

Thank you so much, I know you're having your own struggles. I just ordered the only available copy of that book- hoping thats a sign lol- funnily enough I've been trying to get hold of a copy for a while.

I have had CBT in the past (for years), and am having someone from perenatal round my house this week for something similar.

I've dreamed of being pregnant my entire adult life and really can't stand how I'm unable to properly enjoy it because of this. On Saturday I felt great, as I had slept a bit I was really happy, now I'm sat here like a total zombie barely able to function. I can't make decisions about anything or even get dressed. I feel under so much pressure to rearrange my life and work at the last minute so I have time off to spend with my partner when I never know when he will be home its really hard. I absolutely adore him, but when he says "just try and get some sleep" I get incredbly frustrated!

I'm developing obsessive fears about the baby again which I haven't had since my 12 week scan really and I know I don't feel like this when I've slept, things are totally manageable with sleep. Last night I just lay there balling my eyes out from 3 am to 9 when I had to call in sick to work- due to sheer frustration- how can you be so so tired and your body just not give into sleep?

It's great you've got that book.

This can be your first PST (Positive sleep thought):
"Now I have bought this book i am on the road to sleeping well again" - write it down!

You will be writing a lot more PSTs like these.

I know, it is SO frustrating - when your body needs something so badly but just will not let you have it. It's like a war going on inside your head. You need it, you want it but you can't have it.

In your case you are fortunate in that you are in your second trimester the baby has done all it's forming (first trimester) and is now just growing. So it's less risky in terms of taking something drug-wise. The fact you are not in yuor third trimester is also good as there is little chance of withdrawal symptoms in your baby once he / she is born.

so don't beat yourself up if you do end up having to take something. Honestly, getting sleep now is more important to you and your baby than anything else. Helping yourself IS helping your baby right now. Perinatal services will be able to advice you of pills that carry the least risk. From what I've read, zopiclone is probably the best choice. Benzos are to be avoided if possible.

I totally know what you mean about being unable to function. When I was at my worst, my speech was slowed and I could barely lift up my head. I just totally shut down, physically and mentally.

You have to keep telling yourself you will get through this. And it's not just saying it, you WILL get through it! I really thought it would be the death of me, but I came through it. Yes, I still have the occasional wobble but I am much much better than I was. This is my first episode in about 6 months now.

It's so hard on you that your partner is away. You must be feeling very scared and lonely. Is there a friend or family member nearby that could come and stay for a few days to look after you, or even just pop in and cook you some dinner? You need to look after yourself, and if you are like me, you probably won't be. You need to gather people around you. But i do understand that when you are in such a state you can hardly even organise breakfast, let alone people.

It is really tough right now, but you will come through it. It's easy to give advice I know, but I have been there, and am going through it right now too, so am saying it as much to myself as to you.

Hope you got first class delivery on your book Take care.xx

I spoke to the psych this morning, she said she would want to avoid zopiclone, which works like a dream for me, and would only recommend temazipan, which just makes me feel like I'm dead rather than helping me sleep.

My sister came round and made dinner for me last night but I can't rely on her as she's very busy with her own life. She has never had insomnia or been pregnant so doesn't really know what to say to me. I have no other family.

Thanks for replying even when you're having your own problems. I'm really isolated here x

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear you are on your own. Surely your sis will understand that you really NEED her right now, her busy life can wait for a bit can it not?

Do you have a friend that can help out?

So sorry to hear you feel so alone

I'm sure there was another pregnant lady on here who had been given a week's worth of zopiclone. Sorry didn't mean to give duff advice.

Temazapam is very strong - I took it once and had to give the packet back to the crisis team as I was so worried about getting addicted

If that's what they advise, you just need to go with it. Start with a half dose and see how you get on.

I presume you do all the usual sleep hygiene things but here goes:

• no caffeine after 4pm, actually, no caffeine ever
• warm bath 1 hour before bed (not straight before bed)
• milky drink
• dim lights 1 hour before bed
• gentle TV / reading
• relaxation exercises / deep breathing
• limit alcohol

Sorry you probably do all these things already (I wanted to punch people that gave me the whole "ooo, have you tried lavendar?" thing - so I do understand) But just thought I'd double check.

Thinking of you.... just try not to panic.

No you were right, I was given a week's worth of zopiclone from my GP in the very early stages of my pregnancy- she promised me faithfully that it wouldn't affect the baby but as I've been advised against it since then, I've always felt bad about that.

The pysch agrees pills will only add to my anxiety. I've been a poor sleeper since I was a baby myself, I had a very unstable childhood (surprise surprise)and have been on most of them for years before I got pregnant.

Yes I've tried all of the above but I do appreciate you trying to think of things to help me, you are very kind.

Just managed to put some clothes on over my pyjamas and get round the corner to the shop to buy some trashy magazines and chocolate, which I'm going to treat myself to with a cup of decaf tea. I've been building up to this huge expedition all afternoon- just thank god I never saw anyone I know I look horrendous.

I really do admire you for coping with your little one when you have insomnia. I know you have no choice but to just get on with it, but it's something that concerns me a lot for the future especially as i have so little support and my baby's daddy will be away so much.

But, no point in worrying about that, one day at a time eh. I really wish you all the best,keep in touch and let me know how you are.

Try lots of Tryptophan containing foods last thing at night, chicken/turkey sarnie, porridge with banana and walnuts. Plus the bath etc. I would advocate no alcohol and really limit your caffine intake even during the day.

well done for getting out lelarose I do think that is the best way - to force yourself.

In some ways it is easier with a small child, because something inside you (whether it;s instinct or what) just forces you to keep going. Eg. after a bad night you still HAVE to get up at 7am (or whatever) and face the day.

I think getting up at normal time no matter how bad your night gets your body back into its rhythm quicker, if you know what I mean.

Well, if the GP said zopiclone was fine for you, it was fine. You just have to trust her. It's not your job to make those kinds of decisions. I'm sure your baby will be fine. They are always hyper cautious with drugs and pregnancy. Even lithium (which I'm trying to get off right now) has known effects but the problems are only in about 1-5% of the babies, so even if you do take something it is not guaranteed to cause harm.

Keep posting x

Well, I mananged to get some sleep last night which has made an incredible difference!!!
However, I have now argued with my partner and had the mental health appoinment I had organised my whole day around and desperately needed cancelled last minute. It's incredible how quickly i can be reduced to tears now I am pregnant, I used to be such a stronger person, now I'm just so vulnerable.

Everyone tells me talk to the health professionals, accept all the help you can, and I have tried to but what people who haven't been thru this kind of thing don't get is that they are so limited in that they can offer you, and like today can withdraw support at an time. I hate relying on them anyway, in the end we only have ourselves and I just want to get strong enough to deal with things and be the kind of mother I want to be to my baby when he or she arrives.

I have no relationship with my mother, have only one family member around who may be moving away soon, permanently absent partner and friends who dont have kids. God I sound so self pitying and I realise I'm only really talking to myself here anyway, but no one else around haha. Anyway, I will cope somehow today as I've had a bit of sleep, but this only happens when I get to an impossible state of exhaustion after a lot of sleep deprivation. So prob won't sleep tonight. God I so want to break this cycle!!!

i am not in a great place myself right now, but just wanted to say that you are not talking to yourself. x

Aww thanks, don't worry I know you have a lot on your mind, I put a wee post on your thread earlier for what its worth.

We don't have to have the answers for each other, just knowing other people have similar exeriences is good for me as I don't know anyone in real life who is going through any of this.

Thanks for keeping in touch x

who do you get support from if you don't have family around, partner is away, your friends have no idea and the health services let you down?

I know this sounds incredibly needy I'm just really really struggling here and its making me feel like I won't cope with my baby. I've never felt so isolated.

Lelarose don't want you to feel alone. I had a difficult time when I had my baby (now 6 months) and have had insomnia. I was fortunate to have family around to help a bit though that brings it's own problems and conflicts to be honest. My partner has been good but he found it very hard going with supporting me too.

With insomnia/lack of sleep, something kicks in when you have the baby and somehow you get through it because you HAVE to! Also, I have heard a lot of people have trouble sleeping when pregnant but are OK when the actually have the baby.

This isn't really an answer to your question but do you have a Sure Start family centre or something similar near to you? I have two near to me. They can be very helpful and supportive - worth finding out about.

chammomile tea I find works for me, a really strong cup.Insomnia is really nasty,hope you get back on track soon.

lelarose I really feel for you, I've had insomnia all my adult life and it went wild both times i was pg. Everything you describe i recognise. I ended up on zopiclone for 5 nights in jan just to break the vicious cycle. I had to stop bf as a result but at the end of the day ds could be nourished from formula and i wasn't able to look after him as i was cracking up.

FWIW I did sleep better immediately after he was born, some hormonal thing i think. That lasted about 3 months so that might happen to you too.

I've been sleeping a LOT better recently, as a result of doing pretty hardcore expercise. It seems to be the only thing that works! Obv you can't do that right now but can you go swimming/for long walks?

Excellent advive from getdownyouwillfall I hope something works for you soon. Thinking of you x

Thanks so much I'm getting so worried about the future if I still can't sleep, it really helps to know other ppl have been like this and got better. It gets so bad I feel like I shouldn't even be having a baby which is such a heart breaking thought I can't stand it.

When I came home from work tonight there was a note through my door from the mh nurse who was meant to visit me yesterday (I took day off, waited in all day to get a call cancellng it abut an hour in advance)- she had come round today and was sorry to have missed me!!! Not usually an angry person but FFS I have been waiting for this appointment for months, why on earth did she not just call me and I'd have tried to be in??? Do these ppl imagine I don't ever have to work, I have the kind of job if I don't turn up I dont get paid so not much choice really even when I've only slept couple of hours and its been so hard recently just to function.

She announced in the note she's coming back on mon morning-aaaaargh!! Why not simply ask me if I can do that time? I'm desperate for help, but why on earth can't they communicate with me to arrange this?

Sorry for the rant I'm just at the end of my tether. Thanks for the posts, it's good to hear from ppl right now. I don't like ppl in the real world to know I'm like this.