How do you stay supportive?

[undercovamutha]

My mum has some mental health issues, related to a chronic illness she has, and the multitude of surgeries (some botched) that she has had. She has really bad anxiety, and is completely unable to make a decision about ANYTHING.

My dad is amazingly tolerant although tends to agree with her about everything, so as not to stress her out anymore.

Lately my mother has been ringing me up very often (daily) for a chat, which every time ends in at least half an hour of tears, repetitive worrying about a particular situation. Every bit of advice I give her makes her more upset. She accuses me of 'getting at her' when I am just trying to help her, and I just feel like I can't talk to her about anything anymore.

I know that mainly this is because of her anxiety, but she is also a very strong character who likes to be in the right and be in control. I don't want this to drive a wedge between us, but I really don't know how to deal with this level of anxiety.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do?

Sounds a bit like my mum, and I'm at my wit's end with it (and her tbh), to the extent that I've not spoken to her for a month.

So I can't help but will watch with interest.

Yourcall - I hope it doesn't come down to me only phoning once a month, but I can see it happening. I was so stressed after talking to her last night that I had to go to bed with a bad headache.

Hi - it must be so difficult to cope with but just wanted to give you the other side.

Im going through a very difficult episode of anixety/depression - which ive had on and off since Post natal 11 years ago.

When im well Im happy, look after my family, work full time, totally independent.

When im not I cry at totally inappropriate times and ask for constant reassurance. My husband finds it very very difficult to cope with. I totally recognise the 'repetitive worrying'. I know i just say/ask the same thing over and over again. It just mirrors the confusion and anxiety in my mind.

Is your mum seeing a counsellor? To make it more manageable for you - maybe have a set twice a week where you set aside time to listen to all her worries. Even if it means her saving them up for then?

x

Thanks Kizzie. I know my mum can't help it, and I'm not the most tolerant of people at the best of times tbh. She saw a counsellor for a while a few years ago, and I've been encouraging her to do so again. Not sure if she will or not though, she won't really talk about it with me.

I guess its just so difficult for both sides isn't it?