Starting to feel anxious about leaving the house

[suwoo]

I am starting to get irrational and anxious about leaving the house . Its not the fear of being actually out of the house, but worrying about all the jobs I 'should' be doing at home. I am finding excuses to cancel things so I can stay at home and yesterday I didn't take DS to school in the afternoon (its only foundation stage 1).

Whats that all about then?

only you can tell us what that is all about. Ar you afraid of coming home again to the 'mess' after you've gone home or does going out feel like escaping and you won't come back or you are not allowing yourself to go out until all the jobs are done?

Its like I'm not allowing myself to go out until all the jobs are done. Or if I have to go out before they are done, then it panics me.

Would it work to give yourself a realistic!!!! target of say three manageable jobs that you do before you leave the house? I know (I think from another thread?) that you are under way too much pressure and things are never finished, but try hemming it in a bit.

Thanks willsurvive, yes, you were on my other thread. I need to use my time better, and stop pissing about doing nothing and then stressing that I have done nothing.

Not told DH, he won't get it.

su, haven't seen any other threads but willsurvivethis gives good advice

I kinda have this too, to a lesser extent

some people can rush out the door, leaving the kitchen in a tip after breakfast, for example. I will make myself late for work/social occasions before I allow this to happen

I don't think the feelings you have are unreasonable, if kept within a safe level (those lovely boys of yours must keep you constantly on the go )

when they intrude on your feeling of well-being, that isn't a safe level

would it help to say to yourself, I will leave the living room tidy but allow yourslf to "save" other rooms for when you get back ?

not taking your child to school because of your anxiety is pretty serious (I know foundation stage not that profound, but can be a slippery slope I guess you are worrying about...)

I have no idea if you are getting any help whatsover, especially if DP struggles to "get it" (not a regular visitor here), but do you have anyone in RL who understands ?

Thanks Af, I just wanted your sensible perspective although I know its not your field.

Today, for example, I had an appointment for an eyebrow shape. When I got there they didn't have me booked in and said I could wait 20 minutes. I made a big fuss and stormed out but I was so relieved that I could go home. On Tuesday I had my hair cut, when I got out of the salon and realised that I had been in there for 2 hours, I burst into tears.

I am not bothered in the slightest about going to work, (evenings) I am still as confident as ever and am doing really well. I think it is all to do with being a perfect 1950's housewife and the house being nice for DH when he gets in.

where is the pressure coming from to be perfect though ?

from DH ?

from yourself ?

the things you mention feeling bad about were stuff that you do for yourself

and when you are busy, that has to be squeezed in somewhere and I do understand your frustration about being messed around and how much time it can eat up

I bet you didn't use to worry about that one, pre-kids

there is nothng wrong with being a homebody, I still am really (see how much I am on here ?..)and my kids are getting very grown-up

work can be ok..but doing stuff for you can bring on the guilts, even if you don't process it consciously as that

I can tell you, the "guilts" recede over time, until you end up a selfish fucker like me

how is your boy's chest, btw ? can't remember which boy, but you were concerned about his chestiness a few weeks ago...

Erm, it was the baby, I did take him back a few times and he is fine now, thanks for asking.

I think I've always been a homebody, loads of my friends are out all day, at the Trafford Centre or wherever, I've always preferred to stay in

Hmmmm, it seems that yes, it is things for me that bring on the panics. I don't get stressy when I go to Asda or similar.

when my 2nd was very young, the PND thing was very high-profile with health visitors (there must have been a push about better diagnosis of it, or summat)

she came round, with a questionnaire, so I answered the questions with her

a lot of the questions were about getting out of the house, and did you enjoy it etc

I could watch her eyebrows raising by the minute

I thnk that questionnaire was a big red flag for PND, actually

but I didn't have PND, I just didn't want to go out very much, I was happier at home

your experience sounds a bit more than that though...has that been explored at all ?

Too tired to think about it now, I'm off tomorrrow and don't suffer any of this when I'm not working. Be back tomorrow. Thank you x

night x