Anxiety out of hand worrying about death...

[Paranoid1stTimer]

Sorry to have to post this as it is so upsetting and over the top but I have never spoken to anyone about this and I am sitting on my own with DS asleep upstairs and am really struggling to avoid a full scale panic attack.

When I was little 7 yo maybe, my 2 grandfathers and a close aunt died not long after each other. I became obsessed with death and what happens (or doesn't) afterwards. I used to have panic attacks thinking about it and no one in my family knew how to deal with me and just wanted me to stop being so silly and grow up.

Anyway, I have not really thought much about all this since "growing up" until I had DS 2 years ago. Slowly the thoughts about death have crept back into my head - how can you just end and that be it but then it is terrifying to imagine going on forever.

I worry about people close to me dying now and about myself dying. I know it is inevitable and I should just try to make peace with it all but it is just getting too much for me and I really can not stop the thoughts.

I don't even know why I am posting this and I really don't want to upset anyone. It probably aggrivates things that it is the anniversary of my mum's sudden death a few years ago.

I suppose I am just getting it out there and looking for advice on how to handle this along with my anxiety as I really can not talk about this in RL.

Thank you to anyone who replies. Sorry it is a horrid topic.

i know what you mean. . .i think about death a lot and never a day goes by when i dont think, and wonder what its is actually like once you are dead. I think, hope and pray that we go into spirit world and are aware what our family and friends are doing back here on earth. According to spiritualists like Sally Morgan, we pass over into the spirit world where it is all totally bathed in Love, and forgiveness and there is no vice, anger or hatred. I honestly do believe our loved ones who have passed over are watching us. However, like you i never stop wondering what is going to be like to die..that transition period. My mum and dad are very old now and i constantly think how much longer they have here and how awful i am going to feel once they die. Two of my best friends Mums have died in the last 2 weeks. They were very old and ill.. ( I am 50 so our parents are 75-85yrs) I have it all to come and it scares me .
You are not alone Paranoid1stTimer !!
Are you ok ??

Thanks so much for your reply. I felt really stupid for posting this message and started to panic that I might offend someone with this thread!

I have been watching the Beeb coverage of the new PM which has taken my mind off things. Now I am just panicking about all that instead...

I feel a bit of a weight off having actually said it out loud (albeit anonymously on a forum...) but it is better than having it all going round and round and round in my head.

Thanks for posting. I seriously was thinking everyone kind of gets over the whole irrational fear thing except me..

You poor thing. I do understand how you feel. I have been worrying about dying or someone close to me for quite a while now. It does sound like you need some counselling. I have had CBT and hypnotherapy for anxiety and it has helped.

For now just breathe. Try lengthening your exhalation. This will help calm you.

Can you do anything to destract you?

Snap! When I go through bad bouts of anxiety I get this obsession too and I have to try to put it out of my mind or I just spend hours crying and panicking. So I don't know what to advise - I'm just as scared by the prospect of eternity as I am by the idea of just an end - but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

When I feel panicky in the house I start doing ironing while watching the tv - think it distracts me and keeps me physically busy as well. Feel free to keep posting here if it helps as I'm around for a while. I also post on teh anxiety post thread as I find it helps to chat to other people who have been there with the panic attacks etc.

Hope you're ok

OH just came in from work n was telling me his whole stressful day n it totally took my mind off things. Sometimes being SAHM plus anxiety and feeling worthless just leads to thinking too much when I am ever on my own n this has reared its ugly head again.

PiggyMad I can't believe it. You summarised it exactly. prospect of eternity is as terrifying as oblivion. The end of it all is more acceptable to me but then I start obsessing over what exactly that means and panic sets in.

Thanks again for your replies. You really really helped me tonight. Thank you so much. You never know how much you have helped me =)