anyone around? feeling so bad today

[willsurvivethis]

don't know how long I can keep this up until I completely crack.

Too much to deal with right now and DH is giving me more to worry about. Friends say I need to leave his problems with him but I don't trust him to look after himself(he's depressed)

Feeling so down, so heavy and burdened. DH just asked what's wrong, I have already told him before I'm struggling, I said I feel everything is too much. He says 'I know what you mean' - that's the extend of his support. I love him but this is hard.

I have RL friends who are aware that I'm struggling - I spoke to one of them late last night and one briefly today and they are there for me I know they are. They want to support me and be there for me. But I just don't feel able to go to them and say 'Help'.

Just sitting here with my ds, want to close my eyes and disappear. Didn't sleep despite Nytol - that doesn't help things.

Don't know what to do anymore or how to cope.

Well have survived church (am a the minister's wife, and was doing the prayers this morning which involves speaking up front).

And did a lot of putting on brave face and smiling.

Exhausted now.

DH back to work to prepare evening service. DS lying on beanbag watch cbeebies. Lunch eaten, table still a mess, kitchen too but this is it for now.

Will just have a quiet afternoon with ds and have tomorrow to myself while he is at nursery.

Struggling to really make contact with the few people who know me well. I can't seem to get through the mask from the inside if that makes any sense.

LM what different types of Nytol are there? I just asked the pharmacist for something to help me sleep and he gave me this - two a night I think? Took 2 for the first time last night, it keeps me calmer at night but I was still lying awake - just awake and drowsy.

Willsurvive, there is herbal nytol in a green box or blue box can't remember what is in that will check when I get home

LM it's not the herbal one, just anti-histamine.

willsurvivethis I am a Christian too. I was at church this morning (a baptist church). Can sometimes be one of the hardest places to be as there are a lot of superficial conversations which go along the lines of "Oh hi! How are you?" "Fine thanks!"
Sometimes it can be difficult to say how you really feel for fear of burdening people, or even shocking them.

It's such a shame as church should be a place of community where anyone can come, feeling exactly as they do. Having said that I had a bit of a "meltdown" once after church when I was really really ill and a lady came to help me who, as it turned out, was a GP. She came to visit me at home for a while too which was lovely . Sometimes you just have to be brave and admit things aren't as rosy as they seem.

My favourite bible passage which got me through was "God's power is made perfect in weakness". It's so true.

Thanks Getdown - it is slightly different being the minister's wife though - something we famously and with good reason call the goldfish bowl. DH and I to an extend don't do the traditional 'minister's family must be perfect and beyond reproach' thing, we break a few rules, for example we have close friends in the congegration, but DH's senior minister does and he has actually once told me not to tell people what I'm going through because they might find it hard to hear

WillSurvive,
I think they are similar to the ones I have from boots but these are boots own and double strength so you only take one a night. I found they only really work if I am relaxed enough to sleep first.

I did get sleeping tablets from my gp which could be an option for you? even only a temporary one just to get you over this blip.

How you doing today willsurvive?

Hi willsurvive - sorry things so tough for you right now and being in that goldfish bowl situation not helpful. My dh is a deacon in church and though not the same, as I do lots in church etc it is a "smiley face!" all want to see.

Could you meet with your brother again if it would help you get through these few days? Or be brave and ask a good friend for what you need? x

Aww thanks

Feeling fragile but brighter - still struggling but seeing a way out again. Hope it lasts.

Had some energy today and promptly did too much cleaning. Off to sleep now.

Keziah yes I can call him anytime, going to church group with his wife tomorrow too. she's a really good friend.

Willsurvive I hope you had a better day.

this may make you smile.

Just caught DD (2.5) in the bathroom wiping her bottom with my duster

how delightful Get down

Willsurvive - glad things have been a bit easier. I dont know how you keep up the whole 'vicars wife' business. I would be absolutely hopeless (and thats when im feeling well!!!!)

Thanks all

Not been too bad today although had really tough dentist visit with awful flashbacks, nearly fainted twice and did a lot of gagging - and have to go back for more next week although not the worst bit again.

sorry for not responding sooner - been out to bible study group tonight.

How i cope with vicar's wife business? Combination of smiles and defiance plus real friends in the congregation including very close ones. Plenty of people who just see me.

at duster - at least she wipes her own!!