Obsessively anxious and terrified at night on my own

[Southwestwhippet]

Not sure if this is the best place to post this but my fear of the dark/obsession with the idea of demons and evil spirits is getting out of hand

During the day it is fine and I can see how ridiculous I'm being. If my DP is around I don't even think about it at night, nor if I'm staying at my mum's house (which I do when DP is away working sometimes)

But when I'm in the house on my own with my 14wk DD, I am terrified at night with her. We co-sleep BTW. I've always been afraid of the dark but since watching Paranormal Activity I've become obsessed with the idea of maurdering demons fixating on DD and waiting to take her away from me. If I go to the bathroom at night and leave her asleep in bed, I can barely go back into the room because I'm visualising some predatory beast looming over her on the bed. I keep having horrific imaginings of harpy like creatures snatching her off me and tossing her around the room/smashing her against the wall.

Last night whilst she was feeding i lay next to her with my heart pumping, in a cold sweat, hardly daring to breathe I was so terrified. I try to turn my thoughts to other things but my mind keeps dragging me back to this idea that some demon from hell is waiting to take my baby. God I sound crazy but I was actually muttering the Lords Prayer as a sort of vodoo protection spell last night.

WTF, I am nearly 30, this is totally crazy but it is making me dread going to bed. My DP works away a lot for 3 weeks at a time. How do I get control of this? Any ideas?

I used to be a bit like this. Like you, during the day I realised how ridiculous it was, but at night I was terrified and it all seemed so rational. I also have an irrational fear of death which plagues me on night times.

No advice though I'm afraid, I just kind of "snapped out of it" after a bit. I suspect your problems may be caused by anxiety surrounding the baby. But I'm no expert!

Sounds like you have post natal anxiety. It can manifest itself in many ways, it is actually quite normal and you are not going mad.

Could you put a dim night light on in your room, would that help? A very dim one shouldn't keep you awake.

Try to talk to your health visitor if you can. It may go away over time e.g. when your DD is older and less "needy" but if it is getting worse, you may need to consider medication.

Anti-depressants actually are very effective against anxiety. Anxiety and depression are very closely linked, neuro-chemically.

It might be worth you reading Dr Claire Weekes Self-Help for your nerves book. In it she writes about obsessions and advises to accept the fear and accept that it is no more than a symptom of intense mental fatigue, do not try to fight the worrying thoughts coming, just go along with the thoughts. Gradually they will go away. Hope this helps.

I think this must be much more common than you think as I have 3 close friends who have had very similar experiences, two of them made much worse after they had a baby. Even people who arent suffering as you are can probably see how easy it is to slip into this sort of anxiety-I like to think I am not a particularly anxious person but I still lie in bed when Dh is away making my 'what would I do in event of a fire/ intruder..' plan

Of my three friends struggling with this, one friend is considering going to the GP to ask about cognitive behaviour therapy if it doesnt resolve itself, one friend was sorted out by anti depressants and the other one managed her anxiety eventually by doing lots of yoga to control her panic attacks.

I would probably ask for help from the GP and HV etc and see if any suggestions come back you could live with. In the meantime maybe some sort of self calming exercises? The sort of thing where you imagine yourself somewhere lovely and safe- make sure you dont watch or read anything disturbing in the evenings. Sleep with the phone near you,night light, anything, you think might be reassuring.

I hope things improve, it sounds so hard.

thank you everyone, it is reassuring to know that their is some degree of 'normality' in how I'm feeling. I stayed at my parents' house last night so no problems at all [phew]

I actually came off antidepressants when I got pregnant, I was on them for depression mainly but I have suffered anxiety in the past as well and am very prone to paranoia and getting trapped in negative thinking cycles. So it makes sense that this is probably linked to that.

I'd rather not go back on anti-d's as I'm breastfeeding. I know some are fine but I'd just rather avoid is possible. I will mention it to my HV though and see what she thinks.

thanks again everyone

I get this sometimes too, you are totally normal.

First thing you MUST do is stop watching scary films! I know it can seem fun when you're with your DH but it's not worth it as they make you feel so scared when you're on your own.

I haven't seen PA film, but everyone I know who has has been terrified afterwards, so you're not alone there either.

Please try and remember, they are just films, with stories made up by scriptwriters designed to terrify people, with parts played by actors.They aren't real.Listen to the logical side of your mind which will tell you this.

I have pretty bad post natal anxiety too, so I totally feel for you. The longer time passes that you don't watch scary films, the easier it will get.xx