just need to talk

[Tallulah1978]

Not been on here for a long time. Feeling so low with no one to talk to. I have few friends and no-one close or who I see regularly. the more down I get the less I make contact with anyone, including my family.

I'm 32 with a 2 year old son and live my on-off partner of nine years. I wont bore you with the why's and wherefore's of our relationship, but it's been turbulent, let's say. I can honeslty say that if it weren't for my son we would have parted company some time ago. We dont have a sex life, which is the main problem for him; I feel angry and resentful toward him, for lots of reasons, which I know is the block to our intimacy. This is causing daily tensions and rows and I dont know what to do for the best, it's all been affecting me and my physical and mental health for some time and I just dont know what to do. Now it's affecting my son because the past few weeks have just been so dark and draining and I have no energy and am impatient and bad-tempered with my lively little boy.

Today has been particualrly low which is why I;e come on here; I dont cry often, but have spent the day blubbering around the house for no particular reason. Another mopey morning has culminated in my smacking my little boys bottom and shouting at him to go to sleep for his afternoon nap. I;m so gutted. I can't stop crying.

Ive just come on to splurge. I dont even know what im looking for.

tallulah - so sorry.

I am on citalopram atm. I was in a very dark and messy place before. Could you visit your GP? I know drugs aren't always the answer but it seems to me that you need to be a 'stable' as possible to address the issues with your relationship.

I totally understand that feeling of not wanting to contact anyone when you feel like this, even family. This said, I have always felt better when I have got away from the house for a few days. I usually make up some excuse to go and stay with my mum or sister like 'DH is doing some work in the bathroom'. It's just good to escape the same four walls for a while. In the long term, what about some help from Relate or something like that? Resentment is damaging to relationships and needs talking about - I speak from experience on that one. If it's not pissing down like it is here, I'd recommend getting out for a walk this afternoon even if you just go round the block and back. Actually even if it is pissing down, I'd get out anyway.

Hi Tallulah, you are not alone!

Do you feel the relationship is worth salvaging? Do you want to try?

Hi - I was expecting people just to say, oh shut up and get on with it and deal with it....but you've been really nice. thank you.

Been out this morning, just to the shops, but we had a nice walk and it was sunny so you're right about getting out and about. I usually really make the effort to get out and about every day but just recently I've been so bogged down with everything I just couldn't get motivated to even get showered and dressed. I actually went about a month without a shower or brushing my hair. The funny thing is, even tho I get really grotty and don't look after myself, I still more or less put on a full face of makeup every day, even if it's not until 4pm, I still do it. My smiley mask!

In terms of the relationship being worth salvaging? Phew, thats a toughy - I keep asking myself that - we actually just about split up a few weeks ago, but at the final moments he said he wanted to us to all have a holiday together as a family at least. So we go in September. It's not been too bad, but the tension and arguments soon build up again, he keeps trying it on with me, I remain a frigid ice-queen feeling like a complete freak for not being able to have sex with my partner. First four years - fine, then he cheated and it all wents tits up, split up for 6months then he came and wooed me and since then well, 5 times in five years I suppose. He's on loads of websites for women iwantanaffair.com and the like, and I'm sure he has cheated and is and will. But he feels justified because I wont sleep with him, and I suppose hand on heart, I almost agree. What a mess.

My poor baby boy, it breaks my heart what to do for the best.x

Oh sweetie for you.

I hope this helps, I have no urges to do it either! About 18months for me, due mainly to medication. Tbh if my dh had an affair because I wasn't having sex with him, he'd still be a cheating git regardless.

Sounds as if it has gone too far 'wrong' for the both of you.

I know that you are worried for your son's future, but from the sounds of it you and his dad are unhappy, which does effect him.

Gos this sounds like I'm telling you what to do. Honest I'm not, I'm just trying to make you feel okay in feeling what you're feeling, if that makes sense.

Keep posting and I bet mn can help you puzzle it all out!