hi unhappiness,
:hugs:
i have a 13 month old son and i was diagnosed with PND in feb.2005. and have been on citalopham 10mg until last week when the GP nudged up my dose to 20mg.
first off, you are NOT alone. not at all. i've been pushing my dh away continually since i've been on ADs. probably even before that really.
depression changes us. it makes the bad seem terrible and so hard to see any light.
remember too, your pregnancy hormones are kicking in too and most likely playing a part in your horrible moods.
can you take time out nightly for YOU? or even during the day if/when your ds naps? if not, then at night when he is in bed for the night,
take some time FOR YOU. and only YOU. sit on the bed, dress comfortably, read a book or magazine.
or have a bath. anything to relax you.
and try to explain to dh (whom i am hoping for your sake is an understanding chap) that you are not yourself and so much is weighing on your mind. and tell him what is bothering you. tell him without arguing (i know, might be tough). (not saying you will start a row, but when we are down and our feelings are all over the place....things get blown out of proportion QUICK.)
for the house cleaning, what helped me was i made a weekly chart: M-F (no weekends, unless absolutely needed)- and write down one thing or two things for one day and so on and so forth.
don't tick them off when they are done, because if you don't get something done and you see the missing tick, it will bring you down even more. do what you can. when you can. a room at a time for dusting and hoovering. concentrate on the rooms that need done most.
with ds: mine drives me mad on bad days. i shouted at him last week and i fell apart in tears afterwards. being patient with them is HARD. is he walking? if it gets to be too much, pop him in his highchair, put on cbeebies for 10 or 15 minutes, make sure he is safe and RELAX.
it wont hurt him. and it will help YOU remain SANE. enjoy your time with him. laugh A LOT. even if you dont feel like it. and clap, my son loves it when i clap to him. when i am down, i put on some music (doesnt matter what kind!!) and i dance with him. have a bath with him and both of you splash about (towels on the floor first or bath mats!).
i know its hard. and overwhelming as ANYTHING. if you think you need counselling, ask your HV or GP. they will be able to point you in the right direction. there is NO shame in asking if you need more help.
also, do you know any local mums with toddlers? that may help too.
oh and when it gets to be too much, go OUTSIDE. the same four walls of the house get really small when its all breaking loose. even 10 minutes outside can help.
i have always told myself that when i am down as far as i can go, the only way to look is UP. and it is. even if it rains along the way, remember the sun will shine...
take care of yourself and your unborn baby...
and try...
(*sorry i went on for a bit!!)