Insomnia friends it's me again!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Hi everyone, I've had a brilliant two weeks, sleeping brilliantly then last night, end of the weekend, anxiety overcomes me again, awful thoughts in my head 'I can't sleep, I can't live like this, I want to die, I'm a crap mum, I can't do it, I can't do it'. And here I am again.

I really thought I'd cracked it. I really thought I was better. I've started working again and I was loving every minute of it.

Here I am downstairs on the computer waiting for everyone to wake up after a long, long, long painful night. I seem to have this Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde personality. When I sleep well I am totally fine and me. When I have a bad night I am having irrational suicidal thoughts which are not me at all and poor DH has to listen to me rant on about how I can't do this anymore.

What should I do? Soilder on? Put this down to yet another bad night? Do I need to take ADs? If I only have one bad night every 10 nights or so surely it's not worth it?

I don't know what to do. I just hate this sleep-deprived anxiety-ridden me. It's not me.

Sorry for rambling. There are people on here with more problems than me I know. This is nothing really.

How are you doing now becky?

I wonder if you could do a little experiment re. your sunday night difficulty...

Is there anyway your DH could go in late on a monday and drop the boys off at school, or could a friend do it just once? See if it makes any difference to how you sleep.

Also do you work mondays? Could you arrange to start a bit later on a monday e.g. 10:30? You would still have to get up for the boys, but it may make your morning a bit less hectic IYSWIM?

I work mondays and I have started to remove stressors in an attempt to improve my sunday night sleep. DH has now agreed to do the nursery run in the morning (I do the pick up). Also I allow myself a bit more time to get out of the house. I make my sandwiches the night before, and pack my work bag ready, so there is less of a mad panic in the mornings...

It seems to be working quite well. Not always a perfect sunday night sleep, but definitely an improvement.

Hello GetDown

I'm ok. A little hyper because I've had a really busy day. Last night should have been a bad night what with general election excitement and my boss due to visit today and take me out to lunch to discuss my work now I am back to work (I work from home). But I did sleep, eventually!

I like the idea of your experiment. I could ask DH to work from home one Monday perhaps and take DS1&2 to school. I might try that, not this week as he is super busy at work but next week perhaps.

Things are a bit stressful at the mo. as DH is really busy and going to bed at 1am getting up at 5am. He can cope with that amount of sleep whereas I lie in bed worrying about him. Hmmm.

How are you doing anyway? I hope your visit from your CPN went ok

Thanks becky yes it went ok with the CPN. I keep having to "convince" her I am fine. I am coming off my medication at the moment, and it feels like they are just waiting for me to "fail". They are probably not, but just feels that way!

I am determined to get off everything before we start trying for DC number 2!

Am not looking forward to coming off the mirtazapine as I'm sure that will affect my sleep.

I will probably be the one on here asking for your help then!

GetDown I am sure you'll be fine - slowly does it, I guess that's the way to go, and remember all that you've learnt and been telling me about PSTs etc! It's very exciting going for another DC. I've done with my baby making days now. I never thought I'd have any and now I have three!

I had a good night last night because I went out last night to a friend's house for a girly night, home at 12.30am, and went to bed thinking 'I may as well accept that this is going to be a bad night'. Next thing I know I hear seagull boy (aka DS3) on the baby monitor at 6.30am! Positive thinking - I had a good night!

@ "seagull boy" I like that!

Great you had a good night. Enjoy your well rested feeling today.
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