Anyone in need of some self esteem?

[Flamesparrow]

I am finally dealing with my many issues over jealousy, and I have realised it is pretty much all down to a lack of self esteem.

I need to completely rewire my brain and sort out how I think into a more positive form.

I'm starting counselling but that isn't for another month so in the meantime I figured there must be others of me out there who need to do the same, and others who have fixed themselves who could offer advice.

Sitting and thinking through a lot last night, mine all seems to stem from various events with friends when I was starting senior school. I have no contact with them now, so in theory, I have nothing keeping me down except myself.

Yes big time self esteem issues here, but already woking on them in counselling, plus have husband and friends working on it too.

Having my opinions about myself challenged by friends and working on the causes (child abuse and lack of attachment as a young child) with my counsellor.

It is so insiduous. One friend has pointed out several times how often I say 'Sorry' and 'Sorry I'm just being stupid again' and challenges me every single time.

I definitely need patient people in my life

Friends challenging sounds good. I'm going to be explaining to DH about how my brain works when I see him on Weds. I need to try and explain that I need the bad stuff corrected, rather than him thinking that I need him praising me all the time or something.

I have been folowing your other thread in chat. So rooting for you!

I often need my dh to say that I'm being silly, to keep me grounded.

Thank you. He is already under instructions to tell me when I am being paranoid and psychotic rather than answering my irrational questioning.

That's good - allows you to take responsibility and stops him walking on his toes.

I worry too much, I have a huge fear of losing people I love. DH knows that but will not phone if he is a bit late coming home for example because it makes things worse in the long run. Years ago I used to phone him at work with excuses jsut to check he arived safely

I found myself questioning the DC about the weekend, then sobbing at him because their version didn't match his

a) it is disturbing that I am broken enough to take the word of 4 & 6 yr olds.

b) wtf do I think he has been doing?!?! If he was having an affair would he seriously be stripping her in front of them?!!

It was after that that I told him he has to just stop me. Giving me information just feeds me tbh.

self esteem is so important.lack of confidence is too.i dont need praise just always ask if the dinner was good even though i cooked it and ate the food as well.looking for compliments that shouldnt have to be asked.just feel under valued.people dont understand us just a shiity childhood want to be loved and valued.

Ooh now I've read about that. Apparently it is how we place our achievements etc for self worth.

"Normal" balanced people see it as if they can cook a good meal, they can cook a good meal and woohoo. Whereas we see it as we cook a good meal, we are a good person. If no-one comments on it then we are clearly a failure.

In the same way that if we cook an awful meal one night, rather than that just being one thing that went wrong, WE went wrong.

And we remember that one meal for much longer than any of the nice ones we've cooked before and after....

And I can only accept love from people if I feel I'm able to do/give lots. Loving me for me is impossible. With thanks to my teacher, and my mum . Just tried yesterday to explain to a friend with a healthy self esteem that I can only be loved if I can give stuff and if they say I'm loved unconditionally for who I am I freak out because it means I have to really improve myself really much really quickly to be worth that love. They said they think they understand now - I must be unliveable with

I have massive self-esteem issues. And yet if you asked my friends they would tell you that I am probably one of the most self-assured people they know.

I put myself down "before other people do" and I am incapable of taking a compliment.

I identify with your good meal analogy too. If nobody compliments me I see it as though I am not worthy of it or it wasn't nice and I don't deserve it.

Well done on getting the counselling flame. I really think I need to as well but I just don't know where to start!

BBM - go and see your GP. The system is now that you self refer for counselling, get an initial assessment and then you and them work out what help you need etc. I wish I had done it years back when I first talked about it It has destroyed my life.

It was the book I read on jealousy that made me understand myself so much. I always thought that I was slightly extreme, but my basic way of thinking was normal. The realisation that not everyone thinks like this was a shock tbh.

But having the understanding is far from stopping the thought process. I can't magically like me just because I know I am allowed to.

flame you are being hard on yourself. No one is perfect. You may have issues with jealousy. other people have problems over money or control or anger or alcohol etc. Endless list. You've identified something you want to change for the better, read up on it and are sorting out a plan of action. You can be proud of that - not everyone is that self-aware.

RH - Yup, was talking to Psycho today about us all having "something".

I am trying to correct myself when I put myself down but it is bloody hard.

Definitely in need of some self esteem. Currently going through my 5th or 6th bout of depressive illness and wondering if this is how my life is going to be, and whether I'm ever going to get better.

I don't understand why I'm like this as I consider my childhood fairly idyllic - my parents were lovely and I had lots of friends.

Anyway. I just wanted to pop up and kind of be part of this thread. It's nice to know I'm not alone (although not nice for others to have low self esteem).

Its weird how there can seem to be no trigger. I think some brains are just a bit wonky tbh.