struggling

[racingheart]

Hi

Name change regular here because I always try and hide how tough I find things. Been struggling and struggling to fight off a depression for well over a month now. In a way it's working as I've not quite gone under - though the signs are getting worse. House is a tip, can't stop sleeping or fretting, paranoid about friends, been procrastinating like crazy on the biggest projects I have at work. Can't get enthusiastic about anything - the house, playing with the kids (I hate that feeling of distance from them - it frightens me.)

I just don't know what to do. In the past the only thing that has worked, among different types of meds, counselling and all the alternative therapies, is citalopram. It made me feel human again. But it also made me sleep 14 hours a day and put on a stone.

Do I have to go back on it? I'm so anxious now about everything. Going out tonight with group of friends I used to be close to but have drifted away from and am dreading it. Worst of all I can't stop worrying about how this illness affects my kid. I have a horror of passing it on to them. One of them in particular is a bit prone to negative thinking and I feel constantly on guard against him going under with depression, as I have, for so long.

Wish I could get out of this unaided but just can't seem to shake it off this time. Can anyone help? Has anyone managed to fight off a bad one coming in before it takes hold. Does anyone even know what I mean by this? I get them sliding in like storm clouds.

no idea why I thought opening up to complete strangers would help. Been sat here feeling sick for an hour hoping for a bit of support. Oh well. Off to pretend I'm Mrs Smiley with the kids.

All I can say is, racingheart, do not give up....my own 'bad ones' come and go (I've connected them a lot with PMS myself- can feel one coming now...)

I know the feeling of distance from the kids and how much it hurts. I also have the worries about passing it on. All we can do is what we can do- full stop.

There may be other SSRIs your GP can prescribe you- it is worth a go surely to try again?

Hi racingheart - sorry you did not get a quicker reply when you needed one - but you picked tea/bath/bedtime and most of us have littlies

Tricky isn't it when your depression starts talking and it tells you that you will never beat your depression, becomes a circle.

Depression is not my main problem - I have ptsd, but I do get low and I have a DH who's clinically depressed. He has a fear that ds gets it too - but we both have problems stemming from abusive childhoods so at least we can fight for ds to have it better.

There are no medals for beating things on your own - you don't even get a proud glowing feeling, it is just a long dark slog. You need help. A very close friend has a message saved on his phone, from me, it says 'been diagnosed with PTSD, guess I need to admit i have a problem now' - it was my turning point.

Try talking about how you feel, with dp/h, with RL friends, with us. Lots of us have been there and have a huge capacity for listening...

I am here too, racingheart, only just spotted your thread.

I guess you have to weigh up the positives and negatives (not massively helpful I know).

I know some people feel like they have somehow failed if they take medication to help. I don't think it's a failure at all, if I had to go through depression again, now I have dd, I would take medication, if I felt other methods had not worked. And to be quite honest, if I was really struggling and needed help now, medication could well be my first port of call. Stabilise the situation and then deal with the cause.

Hope you come back to this thread XXXX

Hi

Thanks everyone. Guess I really should go back to the GP. I was hoping not to have to, but all the signs are so strong.

Thanks for listening and replying.