as paretns we have the greatest poer and influence. if you think to your own parents - good or bad - as their child - you were profoundly affected by there actions as you were growing up - i know this becuase we all feel this way.
now project that to your son.
you are the biggest influence on his life - for good or for bad.
if you removed yourself fom the situation, myou would cause his irrevicable damage - lifelong.
my father died when i as 4.it has ( now i see in retrospect) profoundly affected my life choices.
what you need to do is phone parentline.
phone sure start
homestart
your PCt
your doctors
and FIGHT, fight for your right to enjoy being a mummy.
but whilst other people can put the scaffolding up around you to keep you standing, you need to make yourself strong from the insidde.
you need to cut yourself some slack
and make mental sacrifices - such as - hmmm should i spend my time keeping the house tidy ( or trying to) whilst son gets bored, screams and cries - i scream and cry - hmmm nah, lets not do that today, lets go in the garden with a bowl of water and make mudpies.
if your ds is screaming and crying and flailing around -you say mentally, hmmm is this really worth getting worked up about, or should i just go in the kitchen pour myself a drink of squash and start reading the newspaper until he's done.
becuase THAT is exactly what is needed - as soon as you ignore him - he will crave your attention - becuase mummy = power
you have all the power