What do you do when people nag you to "get counselling"?

[Alambil]

I don't think I need it... I had it once before and it was utterly pointless. The stupid bitch blamed ME for being abused and raped.

Me?! Like I asked for it...

anyway, so I don't want it, but I'm being constantly nagged by my mother.

Every little thing is "well, if you got counselling...." "have you thought about counselling..." "I know of a good counsellor.."

Lewis if and when you are ready..until then ignore ignore ignore...but sometimes its good to talk to someone outside of your family and outside of yourself...worst thing is to do something at the request of your parent...then they own it and become your saviour...I hate to be nagged into submission...but sometimes...unfortunately...mother can be right!!

Your Mother, if she is like me, will just want to stop you hurting, to make it 'all better' for you. She is pushing you to the only thing she can think of that might help.
Does your DM know you have already given it a go and that it made things worse?

Counselling will not work if you are an unwilling participant, nor if you do not 'connect' with the counsellor, nor if you are simply 'not ready' at that point. Tell your DM directly what would be helpful e.g that you do not want to discuss issues with her or anyone at this time (or ever), that you need time to sort out your own feelings, that you would just prefer a hug and no questions asked - whatever you DO want from her so that she can be supportive in a way that you can accept.

Yes, she knows what happened.

It's been eight years since I escaped... I've dealt with it in my head, yet she's not convinced. She thinks I'm not close enough to DS and don't love him enough (yes, really) so she wants me to go to this counsellor her mate had; apparently she's oh-so-good (mate went for something entirely different, she said)

I really, really, really, really do NOT want to discuss what happened. It was a bad time in my life, I made bad decisions and had a breakdown... I want to MOVE ON and FORGET but she won't fucking let me (apologies - am wound up)

I am struggling with depression; have done since I was 17, but I am utterly convinced it is not related... it might be, but who cares.

I just wish she'd stop looking at me and judging me

do yo really think she is judging you?...[ffs thats how I feel about my own mum ]...its about when and if you ever want to talk Lewis...its not up to your mother or anyone else...unfortunately we cannot control what others do...but we can control what and how we react...you love your DS and you know and show it...thats all he needs...the day may come when you might want to talk to someone...and on that day you will do it for YOU no one else..good vibes and love to you and your son x

Personally, I show them my traffic finger...

It is quite simple, you may need counselling but until you think you do it ain't gonna work so the discussion becomes a bit irrelevant really...

(She said having nagged her DH for 12 years that he needed some thorough therapy - which he finally took up when he broke down and realised he needed it now...)

Sounds like it is time for 'Mum, I just really DON'T want to talk about it'

I have never really understood the point of counselling, or the amount of faith people place in it as treatment for all manner of problems - some of which are not problems but wholly healthy reactions to adverse events or circumstances.

Unless by counselling the whole raft of psychotherapeutic interventions is meant?

i think your mother needs counselling.... to dela with her feelings around this - her guilt perhaps ? for not protecting you?

i do think counselling is used v generally -and may cover whole range - but probably in this case jsut a tlaking typoe therpay?

i found individual counselling v helpful in dealing with the aftermath of my exP's mental breakdown, and by talkign thru the event itself and what went on pre-event i learned that there was more to it eg abusive relationship etc....it was talking talkling.. she asked quesitons which made me think about things in a differnet light....it was very very helpful....i also did some group CBT type stuff on "divorce and sepration" and found that helpful... so talking over an event and coming to terms - yes can be very helpful if YOU want to do it.

jsut say "when i am ready i will do what i need to do. " or "sure give me the number when i need it i will call"

I can see from her point of view that she might think it would help. But it doesn't work for everyone. (I've tried it three times and couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand dredging through the most vulnerable moments of the past with a total stranger who seemed to be studying me like some sort of curious animal. So I totally understand your not wanting to go through it again if it didn't work for you. But is your mum right in seeing that something is amiss for you? And can you think of something you could do to feel better, other than counselling? Maybe she'd get off your back if you explained it's not right, but that you are taking meds, or doing whatever does work for you.

You could try something like CBT which doesn't look back over the past but just handles thought processes and fixed ideas in the moment, and how to shift them. If you have depression anyway and it's not related, in your mind, to the abuse, then it might be a good alternative to tell your mum about. You could call it counselling if that made her happy. She probably does just care, but it sounds wearing for you.

Hope things improve.